I'm Not Dead

Chapter Five

I slept really well until I had this dream.

It was really nice at first, just Laura and I sitting on this Carousel—which would never actually happen in real life because I hate them and Laura thinks that they're lame—and she was on this white horse and I was on this black one and we were laughing and I looked over my shoulder and there was this girl who stood out like a sore thumb in the dream. The lights were too bright in my dream, everything was bright and shiny and yet there was this girl who was just sitting there in one of the seats for parents to take pictures of their kids but not actually have to be on a horse.

She was wearing all black, but not in a goth or emo way, but in a skin tight sexy way. (Trust me, though, it wasn't that type of dream.) Her hair was black, so black you'd think that it was dyed, but it looked natural enough. And she was just watching me. And when she knew I was watching her, curious about her, she laughed and stepped off of the Carousel like one steps off of a curb, and disappeared in the sudden crowd of people in the mall that was empty seconds before.

"I'll be right back," I told Laura and I stepped off of the Carousel too, just as easily as you can in a dream, and started pushing my way past people trying to find the mysterious girl in black.

I saw her and started to hurry, determined not to lose her again. She went through a door and second later I pushed through the same.

I fell into the ground, falling into a glass case. A grave. Above me were all my loved ones. My mother and father, Theo and Laura, my friends from school, and countless others from the community. I pounded on the glass case, sealed in. Someone started to shovel dirt on top, starting to obscure my view.

Then, a whisper in my ear: "Have you forgotten our deal?"

I woke up, my blanket covering my face. I threw it off and sat up. Theo was softly snoring a few feet above me in his comfortable bed.

I needed an actual bed.

I stood up and walked into the main room of the guest house and saw that it was a little past three. I rubbed my eyes, pushed my bangs back, and decided that I couldn't sleep.

I sat down on the couch and turned on the TV, missing only the very beginning of the start of the best cartoons they only play at three in the morning. I had missed my favorite, but that's okay, because by missing my favorite, I also missed my least favorite.

I settled in and felt my eyes start to close after the third shower started.

Over the next few nights, I kept seeing her. The girl. Always dressed in all black, with even blacker hair. Her skin is pale, and I've never gotten quite close enough to really make out her features, but she wears this bright red lipstick. It makes me think of blood. Maybe that's the point.

She always says the same things in the dreams: "Have you forgotten our deal?"

And then I wake. I've tried to ask her what deal but I can't talk to her, or I think I say the words but I'm never sure.

Theo keeps talking about this new girl at the school. Genevieve.

"She's great, Elliot. And if you didn't have Laura and I wasn't single and lonely I'd totally hook you two up." Theo explained. "She's got really dark hair and she wears this really flowery dresses that make her breasts look just marvelous."

Theo has this thing with the word boobs. He never uses it. I'm not sure why. Most guys, when using breasts to describe a girl's chest they sound lame and gay to a certain degree, but whenever Theo does it he sounds like an artist talking about a sculpture. Maybe that's because it's a part of how he talks about women. Not that they're just things to look at, that they're works of art, things to admire.

"Maybe we could go on a double date. She's new right? So she doesn't know I'm supposed to be dead. And if we go into the city, no one will know who I am and I won't have to wear a mask or that goddamn morph suit."

"Maybe. Give me some more time. I've got to ease into this. I've been single too long."

"I thought you got with someone at the party?"

Theo nodded. "I did. But that was a hook up. I want a girlfriend."

I chuckled a little.

One night I was finally able to get a good look at her face, the strange girl in my dream. She had a tattoo tucked behind her ear. It was hard for me to make out what exactly it was, but I thought it was an apple. Her eyes were a very distinct color of brown: so light, the color of amber, but slightly more orange.

This time we were alone, a first for the dreams.

All around us was miles and miles of dessert, mountains of sand, the harsh wind wisping it away. It felt strange to stand there alone with her.

She smiled at me, her teeth white.

"What's with the tat?" I asked. I think I asked.

"Have you forgotten our deal?"

"What deal?" I asked. I knew I asked this time. But she disappeared and I woke.

The next night, we had our double date with Theo and Genevieve and Laura and myself. We met up with Genevieve in the city at this local grill downtown. Theo and Laura and I sat down at a table as we waited for our fourth party member and sipped on our drinks. When she walked in, I was in the middle of sipping Coca-Cola out of a plastic straw, and nearly spat it all over.

Amber eyes. Black hair. Pale skin. And—I swear to God—apple tattoo behind the ear.

It can't be.

Can it?

"Gen!" Theo threw his arms into the air and Genevieve sat down. "Okay, Genny, this is Elliot, and his girlfriend Laura."

Genevieve smiled. "It's nice to meet you both."

I clenched my jaw tight, my hands balling up into fists on the table.

I didn't mention anything about the dreams to Theo—tonight or previously—but she did act differently here. She dressed differently too. She wore a light yellow flowery dress, her hair pulled into a sophisticated bun. Her lips were still painted red, and that apple tattoo stood out, almost screaming at me, but it was strange to see her here. In my dreams she's all black, hair either down and plain or up in a simple pony tail. Nothing like this.

"Why an apple?" I interrupted whatever Genevieve and Laura were talking about.

Genevieve brought a hand up to her ear. "Oh, well," she sat her hand back down on the table. "It's got a few meanings. For one, I grew up on an orchard, so apples kind of ran rampant in my childhood. My parents' names are Adam and Eve, and the apple reminds me of them—"

"The forbidden fruit."

Genevieve looked at me, a certain look flashing across her face, but only for a second. She knows I know. "I'm an agonist. But growing up around Christians, I picked up on a few of the Bible's stories, and Adam and Eve's always interested me. The snake—the Devil—is my favorite character in the story. He's deceitful and a cheat but he is charismatic and convincing. He opens up the world for Eve, and then Eve for Adam. The two are banished from a marvelous garden and forced to fend for themselves and try to start their family, and this all happens because of an apple."

I stared at Genevieve, and she stared back. Then I said: "I like it."

And she said. "Thank you."

And our food was served.