I'm Not Dead

Chapter Twenty-Five

Somehow, with me staying over, it's brought Laura and me closer together. She's invited me to sleep in her bed. With her. But I'm not sleeping with her. We are both on opposite edges of the bed, and when she wakes up to use the bathroom, she wakes me up. She doesn't mean to, and I try not to let her know I'm awake, but she always does.

But we're speaking to each other more. So much more.

It's refreshing.

"Elliot,"

"Elliot."

I looked over my shoulder. Laura was awake, clearly uncomfortable. "What's wrong?" I asked, alarmed.

"I don't know, something's off."

"What? Describe it." I sat up and turned on the lamp.

"I don't know, Elliot, just get my mom." She was clutching her stomach and I was worried.

I stood up and went into her parents' room. It felt weird to be in there, waking her mother in the middle of the night, but I was too worried about Laura to care. "Rebekka," I said, shaking her slightly. "Rebekka," I said with more urgency.

She blinked. "Elliot? What's wrong? Is everything okay?"

"It's Laura."

Rebekka snapped awake and I led her to Laura's room. Laura looked pale. Rebekka sat down beside her, and I stood back, feeling awkward and out of place.

"Laura, honey, describe what's wrong?"

Laura let out a long shaky breath. "It just hurts, Mommy,"

"Hurts how?"

"Like..." Laura tensed, gritting her teeth. Rebekka looked at the clock on the wall. When Laura relaxed she said the time. "Like cramp but much worse."

Rebekka smiled slightly. "Laura, you're having contractions."

Laura's expression changed drastically. She looked scared. "Nonono, it's too early. I'm not due for another month. I'm not ready. It's too early."

Rebekka turned to me. "Elliot, call the hospital. Tell them we'll be there soon." Laura tensed again. "Contractions are ten minutes apart."

I grabbed my phone and dialed the hospital.

Holy shit.

I'm not ready.

I waited, pacing outside in the hall, trying to get the courage to get back in there.

I took a couple deep breaths, then opened the door.

A boy.

I smiled down at Baby Augustus who looked so small and fragile in Laura's arms. She was tired, and despite all the effort she'd just gone through for the past couple hours, she was still awake. Mom and Dad came, and her parents came too. Then, I had to kick them out and I took Baby Augustus and laid him down in his crib ever so gingerly, careful of his wires. Laura slept for a long while.

When August woke in the morning, he woke us both.

"I got him," I said, starting to pick him up and hush him.

"He's probably hungry or something." Laura said. I handed August over to her and she looked up at me. "Will you go get me some food? I'm starving. And find my mom."

I nodded and left.

There was some initial worry about August's health at first, but after the first few days, he was doing well. Laura and I and August were able to leave a little over a week later. Laura didn't want to. "Here they help take care of him." She said. "And you do."

I smiled at her, buckling new born Augustus into the car seat. "Laura I'm here to help as much as you need."

I buckled up August and got into the driver's seat. I drove carefully to Laura's house. Once there, Laura grabbed Augustus and I grabbed all the stuff.

I stayed with Laura for the first week, helping to take care of Augustus. I started to notice something that really bothered me though.

She doesn't love him.

Laura doesn't hold him when she doesn't have to, she never volunteers to take care of him when he cries, and when I take him out of the room she relaxes. The week following that harsh first one with him out of the hospital, we both went back to school. At school, Laura was much happier, not having a baby around, while I was worried about my son. She never wanted to talk about August, even when asked.

None of this settled right in my stomach.

After a doctor's visit, on the drive home, I brought it up. "Do you not love him?" I asked.

"Who? Augustus?"

"Yeah. Our son. Your son."

Laura's eyes flashed back in the rearview mirror to Augustus. He was asleep in his car seat.

"Elliot, he ruined my life."

I clutched the steering wheel, taking deep breaths. I came to a stop light. "Laura, you've got to stop thinking like that. He's our son."

"Do you know how much happier I'd be without him? I wouldn't be so goddamn sore and tired. I wouldn't have be pregnant my senior year of high school, graduating with a baby on my hip and a ring on my finger. Elliot, I'm being forced to be an adult because of him. I'll never get to truly live out the rest of my teen years."

"Are you saying we shouldn't have gotten married?" The light turned green and Augustus started to whimper.

"Yeah, Elliot, maybe I am."

I gritted my teeth and August started to full blown cry. He knew his parents were fighting.

"Why'd we even get married then, Laura? It was your fucking idea!"

I pulled into her driveway and cut the engine. Laura was already storming up to the house while I was stuck with August. I unbuckled him and took him in my arms. "Shh, it's okay, August, everything's okay." I bounced him a little, grabbing his diaper bag and all the rest of the baby stuff. "Mom's just tired."

We graduated a little over a month after August was born. Laura's name read right after mine. We are married. We share the last name. But how long will that last?