I'm Not Dead

Chapter Sixteen

I kept calling Laura, but her cell keep going straight to her perky voicemail. She must have turned it off. She was ignoring me, and doing a damn good job.

I called Theo.

"Hell—"

"Theo find Laura."

"What?"

"Find Laura."

"What the hell is this about, Elliot?"

"Just do it."

"I am."

I waited, then Theo said, "Here she is." I heard Laura protest, asking who I was before she was on the phone.

"Hello?"

"Laura what the hell? Are you really just going to ignore me after a bombshell like that?"

"God, Elliot, are you really using Theo to get a hold of me? I'll come over after school and we can talk about this, okay? Just, don't tell anyone about it, please. Right now the only people who know are my parents and you, and I'd like to keep it that way for a little while longer."

I let out a breath. "Laura,"

"Elliot."

"Put Theo back on."

There was slight static as the phone shifted from person to person. Then Theo said. "What don't I know?"

"Can't tell you. Just watch out for Laura, okay? Text me right away if she looks sick or anything weird happens. And keep her safe, okay? Protect her with your life."

"What the hell is going on?"

"Theo I can't tell you, just promise me you'll watch out?"

"Yeah, sure."

I sighed with relief. "Get to class." I hung up.

Laura came over after school and I was ready to unleash a whole hurricane of questions on her, but first, I offered her tea.

She shook her head. "I don't think I'm allowed to drink tea anymore." She said. "Caffeine," she added as an afterthought.

"Water?"

She shook her head and sat down on the couch. I felt stupid, I nearly expected her to full on struggle as very pregnant women do. She's only a couple weeks along.

"Okay, when's your first doctor's appointment?"

"I already had one."

"Oh. What'd he say?"

"He just kind of explained everything. Asked if it was planned, my thoughts on the birth, just basic stuff like that. Some more... personal questions."

"Do you know the gender?" I blurted.

"Elliot, it doesn't even have a gender yet."

"Right. I'm coming to the next appointment." There was no question about this. I would be a part of this.

Laura put a hand on her stomach. It's not like she's started to show yet.

"I'm going to tell my parents tonight, when they get home. I won't tell Theo until you say it's okay."

Laura nodded. "We can't have sex anymore. We shouldn't have been, actually." Laura rubbed the back of her neck, looking down. "But I didn't tell the doctor we had. It's not safe. I didn't want him to judge me."

"Wait, we potentially put our child's life in danger by having sex? And you knew this? And you still let me..."

"Elliot," Laura's voice caught in her throat.

"No, Laura! You put our child's life in danger! I don't know if I can forgive you for that! Because of what I was responsible for I could've fucking killed my son!"

Laura wiped away tears. "I hoped you did."

The pain of those words sank in.

The front door opened and my parents walked in. Mom first, then Dad. Laura stood up, quickly wiping away the last of her tears and composed herself.

Mom smiled and hugged me. After letting go, she smiled at Laura and said, "Laura, what a pleasant surprise."

Laura smiled, forced. Then bit her lip, looking at me to take charge.

"Uh, Dad could you come in here?"

Dad came in to the living room from the hall, grumbling about whatever. My heart was pounding out of my chest as I stepped closer to Laura. I was still mad at her, and didn't want to show any true sign of affection. I didn't wrap my arm around her or take her hand in mine.

Mom could sense something was wrong. She's a mother. It's what they're trained for. "Elliot, what's wrong? What happened?"

"Elliot, just say it." Laura muttered. She was starting to cry again.

I looked up at my mother's face, up at her worried eyes. No, I can't. If I look at her eyes I won't be able to do this. I looked at her ear. I looked at the freckle at the top of her ear.

"Laura's pregnant." I said.

Laura and I sat down on the couch beside each other as my mother and father talked in the kitchen on the phone and to each other. On the phone was Laura's parents. My mother made Laura take a pregnancy test in our bathroom—"Girls lie about this shit, Elliot."—which was horribly painful for Laura and Dad walked me through how to use a condom again even though I know how and dammit those things work only so often.

Now Laura and I wait.

Mom gets off the phone and comes into the living room and tells Laura to go home, that her parents are waiting, but congratulates her nonetheless. This doesn't feel like something to congratulate.

Mom then goes over everything. What I need to know, what Laura should be doing and what she shouldn't be doing, what I should be doing to help her, what I should be doing not to help her. That I will go to every doctor's appointment and every single little thing. That I will be there to raise the child, and that he will live with Laura but it'll be like divorced parents. That maybe I should think about marrying her—but I'm not being forced into anything—that until the child is old enough Laura will call a lot of the shots, that this and that that.

There's a lot.

A lot that a teenager shouldn't have to think about all at once.

But here I fucking am.