Famously Yours - Sequel to A Famous Affair

Famously Yours chapter 7

I wake with a start, the darkness all around me. The ebony air is reminiscent of how my soul feels right now. I turn over, resting my chin on the soft pillow as I snuggle against it. It's then that I notice the glow of my phone, quietly vibrating on the bedside table.

My heartbeat quickens as I grab it with determination in my shaky hand; it's Jonny. "Hello," I groggily whisper.

"I'm sorry." His voice is hoarse and dispirited, while my own spirits almost leap out of my body at the sound of his apologetic two words.

"I'm so glad you've called," I say with complete desperation drenching a very relieved sigh.

I hear his despondent, heavy breath. "I couldn't fucking sleep. I needed to speak to you," he quietly says in annoyance.

I glance at the clock. It's 3:08 a.m. "Neither could I," I admit, with a smile that he unfortunately  can't see.

Our mutual awkwardness hangs heavily in the early hours air. I had planned to say so much more to him. I don't know whether it's the relief, or fear of cocking things up again, that keeps my words locked within the safety of my throat.

"Listen, Jessica. I'm sorry for acting like an inconsiderate and possessive fucking prick," Jonny blurts out alongside his hurried, urgent breath.

God, I feel so shit for making him feel shitter. Make this right, Jessica! I firmly tell myself. Nervously, I start to babble. "I'm sorry too. I didn't explain how I was feeling very well. It all came out in completely the wrong way, Jonny." Now I've finally found my voice. I feel like I've a million more things to get off my chest. "Seeing Shawn, threw up feelings and thoughts that I didn't understand. I won't lie, seeing him today wasn't easy . . . but that doesn't mean my feelings towards you have changed. I was upset. I selfishly couldn't help you cope with your feelings, because I was struggling with mine. So instead, I pushed you away. It was wrong of me to take things out on you. I'm so so sorry," I breathlessly apologise.

My sorry words are met with a painful silence, until I hear a hopeless sigh down the phone. "Shawn and you were happy until you met me. Of course you're going to still love him." I can hear the angst in Jonny's voice, twisting itself around his vocal chords.

No! No! No! He's still not listening to me!

My receding panic returns with a vengeance, punching me hard in the gut. "Yes, we were happy. However, I only knew the meaning of true happiness . . . when I met you. I wouldn't change a thing that's happened between us!" I pause for a second. I have to say this right without pushing him farther away. I cannot cock this up! "Listen to me please, Jonny. Today, I just got caught up with the finality of Shawn's and my relationship ending. It wasn't because I'm still in love with him. I'm truly sorry if I led you to believe that to be the case. Of course, I will always care about him, but it's you that I'm in love with, Jonny. I love only you! Please believe me!" I wait for a reaction from him, with only my pleading silence for company. The only sound I hear from his end of the line, is his light breathing. I continue to fight on for the love of my life. "Shawn is trying to rebuild his life. He is willing to have me back in his life as the mother of his children. That is all. He now knows that is all I'll ever be, because I want to be with you. I need you to be okay about that, Jonny. Not for me, but for Lissy and Lottie. It's important for them to see that Shawn and I don't hate each other," I add, in a shaky voice; still waiting for a response from him. The moments that pass seem to take forever. "Jonny?" I ask timidly. Scared to death that I've killed anything that he has ever felt for me.

"Are you absolutely sure that it's me that you want, Jessica?" Jonny asks quietly.

"Of course, I'm sure. I only love you. I loved you yesterday. I love you today. I'll love you tomorrow and I'll love you until the end of time. You're my absolute everything, Jonny. To think that I've made you believe otherwise . . ." I stop, overcome with a long guilty sigh. "I. Love. You. Only you. I'm so sorry for making you ever doubt that," I add, emotionally wrung out.