Famously Yours - Sequel to A Famous Affair

Famously Yours chapter 29

Can you imagine how it must feel to have all of your dreams and wishes just handed to you on a beautiful platter?

To have a happiness inside of you that surpasses any happiness that you've ever felt before? A heavenly kind of happy. An unimaginable kind of happy, well, that's the kind of happy that I feel.

I am feeling numbly elated. I'm wearing a grin that would make the Cheshire Cat look positively depressed. I keep trying to make sense of what has wonderfully happened to me; what has wonderfully happened to us.

Earlier on today, I just had to put myself out of my curious misery. I just had to know for sure whether it could possibly be true. So after one nervous pregnancy test and the boldest blue lines that I've ever bloody seen, I finally have the confirmation of what I already suspected. I'm pregnant.

Yup! I may be one ovary down, but I'm definitely carrying Jonny's child. The thought had vaguely crossed my mind, days ago. I was just too damn stubborn and scared to admit it. I've been suffering with fleeting bouts of nausea and inexplicable tiredness; only I tried to put it down to complete exhaustion. Being at the helm of Mason's Toys and Ecosively For You, whilst Jake and Lydia took their three week long honeymoon. I just figured that because they're now back, and things have slowed right down for me again; that the exhaustion had just kind of caught up with me.

I guess, I just didn't want to believe in the impossible. I didn't want to painfully get my hopes up, when I had already convinced myself, time and time again, that I'd never be able to fall pregnant. I was absolutely sure that I'd never feel a baby inside of me again. I was certain I'd never be able to make Jonny a daddy.

Yet, I have. I really bloody have.

I'm going to be a mummy again, and Jonny is going to have the child that we both secretly dreamed of having.

It was only after feeling particularly rough this morning, that I toyed with the idea of discreetly buying a pregnancy test before meeting up with Erin for lunch. I'd been feeling pretty crap for days anyway. But this morning, when the smell of Jonny's coffee had me retching so badly that I had to dash to the loo; only then did the thought that I really could be pregnant, implant itself into my stubborn little mind. In fact, it was while I was heaving up the frothy bile that I clearly remembered having the exact same thing happen when I was pregnant with Lissy and Lottie. I remembered how certain smells would set me off and have me gagging until I was horribly sick. Armed with that memory; I knew that I had to buy a pregnancy test en route to my lunch date with Erin. I felt that rough, I did consider cancelling on poor Erin, but after everything that has happened to her, I didn't think it fair.

I figured that some fresh air might rid me of the relentless nausea that I was feeling, and that I also had a very good reason to get out of the coffee smelling apartment!

The pregnancy signs have indeed all been there, I just didn't want to face them. I tried to push the silly thoughts away from my scared little mind, yet the thoughts kept on coming. Even as I was paying for the test, I kept asking myself, What the hell am I doing? Why was I even wasting my time and money?

I just didn't want to allow myself to believe that I really could be pregnant. That the impossible had indeed become possible. I didn't want to build up my hopes, only to have them torn down by seeing a single blue line. I suppose it was morbid curiosity that simply got the better of me, in the end. It was morbid curiosity that made me go into the toilet of that bistro and pee on that bloody stick; all the while a completely oblivious Erin sat and ate her lunch.

I honestly don't know how long I sat on that bloody toilet, staring down at the two blue lines that told me I was bringing a new life into the world. A beautiful new life was being brought into both of our lives. The first thing I wanted to do was call Jonny but thought better of it. He had already called me twice and sent three worried texts to check that I was okay after my throwing up session in the toilet this morning. I knew that if I called him, I'd only end up a sobbing mess anyway, and then I'd have to go out in public looking a complete and utter wreck. A happy wreck, but a wreck nevertheless. Then I'd have Erin asking questions, questions that I wouldn't know how to answer. No, this was something I had to do face to face.