Adam and Lena walked hand in hand out of their room and down the hall to find their kids. Lena peeked into Aiden's room and saw that he was awake. She walked in and picked him up before going back to Adam and walking downstairs.
As they approached the family room, they saw Adalyn and Kennedy anxiously waiting by the Christmas tree. "Merry Christmas," The girls shouted. "Merry Christmas baby girls," Adam said as he kissed their heads before sitting on the couch next to Lena and Aiden.
"Where's Baylee?" Adam asked as he looked around the family room. Before the girls could answer his question, Baylee appeared at the bottom of the stairs in her coat and UGG boots. "Where do you think you're going?" Adam asked her. "I'm going to hang out with my friends," Baylee said as she turned to walk towards the door.
"Woah, woah, woah," Adam said as he shot up and blocked Baylee's path to the door. "What?" Baylee asked as she tried to get past Adam. "It is our first Christmas together as a family. You are not going out with your friends," Adam said. "I can do whatever the fuck I want," Baylee said, crossing her arms across her chest. "Oh really? You're 15 years old and I'm your father. Get your ass up to your room. You don't use that word in front of your young siblings," Adam said in a harsh tone.
"Fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck," Baylee said with a grin. "Baylee Levine!" Lena screamed before she grabbed her daughters along with Aiden and led them into the play room. She shut the door and locked it behind her, leaving Adam and Baylee alone.
"What the hell is going on with you lately?" Adam asked her. "Nothing," Baylee snapped back. "I know this attitude. I was this same way when I was 15..." Adam said before he looked down at Baylee's pockets. He quickly reached into them before she could stop him. He pulled out 5 blunts and a small baggie of weed.
"Baylee!" Adam shouted. "Hey! That's mine!" Baylee shouted as she tried to reach for the drugs in Adam's hand. "Where the hell did you get this!" Adam shouted. "People," Baylee said. "Is this what you planned to do? On fucking Christmas! We bring you into our house and save you from living in an orphanage for your whole life. And this is how you fucking repay us! Using the money we give you to buy drugs! And you bring it in this house around your siblings!" Adam shouted.
"I can do whatever I want! You don't want me, get rid of me! Wouldn't be the first time. I'll just live with my friends. I'm sorry I'm not perfect like Sarah. Sorry I'm not the perfect little goody two-shoes she was," Baylee said before she grabbed the weed and blunt out of Adam's hand and walked out the door.
"Baylee!" Adam shouted out the door as he watched Baylee walk through the snow and get into her friend's car. What happened to the sweet, shy girl he used to know. She's turned into a monster. Doing drugs, cursing, talking back; this was a side Adam had never seen before.
Now he missed Sarah more than ever. He was trying his best to be a good dad to Baylee, but she just pushed him away. As bad as it sounded, he wanted his real daughter back. He needed to talk to her, just to get his feelings out.
"Lena?" Adam said as he walked over to the playroom door and knocked on it. Moments later Lena opened the door and looked at him with wet eyes. "Lena, baby, don't cry," Adam said as he tucked a loose piece of hair behind her ear. "Where did all that come from?" She asked through her choked back sobs. "I promise I will tell you when I get home," Adam said as he walked to the closet and grabbed his coat and scarf. "Where are you going?" Lena asked.
"To visit my daughter," Adam said before he walked out.
***
Adam grabbed the flowers from the passenger seat and locked the car. He walked through the gate of the cemetery walked along the path. He wove through the gravestones and the snow covered ground. The soft white snow rested on top of the stones, but you could still read the names. But Adam didn't need to see the name to spot the gravestone he knew all too well.
He moved his feet slowly across the snow until he reached the familiar grave. He squatted down and wiped the snow off the stone. He ran his glove over the engraved letters.
Sarah Amber Levine
1999 - 2015
Loving Daughter of Lena and Adam Levine.
Believe you can and you're halfway there
Sarah repeated that phrase to Adam every time he had trouble writing a song. He would tell her that he was having trouble and she just told him to believe in himself. Within an hour of her saying that, he had a song written. She was such an inspiration for him. And she was gone in the blink of an eye.
Tears fell down Adam's face as he sat in the newly fallen snow. He hadn't been here in about 4 months and he felt bad. He tried to visit her more often, but he was so busy with his living family. He wanted to make more time to visit her, but it was hard to come back every month.
"Hey baby girl. Merry Christmas. I know I haven't visited you in a while. I've just been busy at home. Your mom and I adopted a 15 year old girl. We decided that we wanted to raise another teenager before the twins got to that age. Her name is Baylee. She used to compare herself to you and thought we only adopted her to replace you. But we didn't. No one could ever replace you, Sarah. You're one of a kind. It's so hard to believe you have been gone for 4 years now." Adam said through his sobs. Why was this so hard for him now? Shouldn't it be easier to talk to her?
"Not a day goes by where I don't think about you Sarah. You're my baby girl. I only knew you for two years, but I felt like I knew you for your entire life. Your mom made me a scrapbook for Christmas. The first third of the book is all about you growing up. How much I regret not being there Sarah. I would give everything to have been there to watch you grow up. I feel if I had, you wouldn't be gone now. So now we have Baylee. She's doing drugs now. I don't know what to do. You give the best advice Sarah. I know you can't talk to me, but I just wanted to get my feelings out. I'm so lost without you in my life. I've been screwing up since the day you left us. I just can't seem to do anything right. I'm sorry you have to watch me make a fool of myself from heaven, but I'm trying my best. I'm trying for your mom along with your siblings. It's just hard without the last piece of the puzzle, which is you." Adam sobbed before he buried his face in his hands. The tears just rolled down his face, nonstop.
"I just want you to know how much I miss you and wish you were here. I wish I had the girl that inspired me to write my music back. The carefree girl who everyone loved. The daughter that taught me to love life. You taught me to live life to the fullest because you never know when it'll end. I live everyday to the fullest for you. I love you baby girl. You'll always be my angel up in heaven. I'll join you up there one day, I promise. Wait for me and your mom. Our family will eventually all be together again. I love you baby girl," Adam said before he wiped away his tears and set the flowers on her grave.
How much he wished for the chance just to see her one more time.
