We're All Fucked Up

The Past

//Cas' POV//
That night I was spending the night at deans house, while sam was spending the night at my house.

"Yo, Cas. You hungry?"

"Uh yeah." I mumbled. I was so lost in thought I didn't really realize the question. I wasn't really hungry at all, instead I was thinking about Dean."How perfect he was. Just, how could one be so perfect but love me? Nobody liked me. Not even my legal guardian. He wanted to return me. Why would anybody be willing to help me? I just don't understand." As I was thinking I was picking at my scars on my wrist, not noticing the were bleeding. When Dean came up stairs he saw the blood seeping through my jacket and his eyes widened. He set down the sandwiches on the night stand and ran over to me.

"Cas, baby are you okay?"

"Yeah." I mumbled still lost in thought.

"Castiel!" I guess he saw that I was practically in a trance, so he yelled. I then snapped out of it and came fully back to reality.

"Cas, baby, what happened?" He asked as he grabbed my wrist and cupped it tight to reduce the blood flow.

"Oh, uh, I was just lost in thought and I guess I started picking at my cuts. Im sorry." I said this almost in tears, I didn't want Dean to figure out about this until later in the relationship. I trusted him completely but I wanted to make sure he could handle me. When I looked down his hands were drenched with my blood. "Dean, you can let go.." I mumbled. He quickly grabbed a blanket from beside him and wrapped it around my arm tightly.

"I'll be right back baby." He said as he kissed me on the forehead. He then came back a few minutes later with some white bandage and neosporin and peroxide. "This is going to burn a little bit, but we need to clean this before we can wrap it up to prevent infection. Can't have my baby being infected now." He said this as he undid the blanket, folding it, and resting my wrist in it, which was balanced on his knee. Then he grabbed a cotton swab from his dresser and put peroxide on it and began cleaning it. I winced in pain.

"Dean, that hurts." I mumbled

"I know, but this will clean it up really nice. Im almost done so it's alright." As he said this he finished up and began wrapping the bandage snugly. As he wrapped it it slowly became more bloodstained. When he finished, he washed his hands and grabbed the sandwiches. As he sat down next to me he handed me the sandwiches and cuddled up next to me.

"Cas, baby, why?"

"Dean, uhm, it's alright."

"No it's not. I'm worried about you."

"I don't know. Ive just had a shitty past." Tears started flowing out of my eyes like rivers.

"It's okay Cas, I have too. You can talk about it." He said as he rubbed my back.

"Well when I was about four, my parents and my baby brother where murdered in front of my eyes. I was kidnapped from there, and they did unspeakable things to me. I eventually escaped, but I had no where to go. I checked myself into a foster home when I was about 6 years old. I was adopted by this old couple when I was 8, and I was really happy. They got murdered too, so I had to return to the foster home. That's when I started self harming. When I was 11 I got adopted from another elderly couple. They were okay, but they were extremely homophobic. When I came out as gay and depressed, they just returned me. I didn't spend long in that house. Not even enough time to unpack. I got adopted again right before my 12th birthday. They returned me when they figured out I self harmed. By this point I realized I was a broken toy that nobody wanted. Then Micheal adopted Gabe and I, and I've been there since 14. Now that they have figured out I self harm, Micheal wants to return me. But I'm 16, so I only have 2 years before i can move out."

Dean looked stunned. Like he wasn't expecting that from someone like me. "Cas... I'm so sorry. I would never want to experience that, and I wish you didn't have to. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here." he said this with sincerity in his eyes. Like he didn't want to admit that that hurt him.

"Now off my sob story. Your turn." I remarked, trying to transfer the subject from me.

"Oh well, when I was 6 and sammy was 4, my mom died in a house fire. My dad told me to run out with Sammy. Later he came out and said that he couldn't find her. He spent years being just a drunk. He was a very abusive drunk. I can't tell you the amount of times I had to go to the hospital for having a bottle shattered over my head. I've never been the really popular kid either, because I was pretty open about my sexuality. Along with my dad being homophobic, he thought it was my fault mom died. And I haven't forgiven myself yet. I don't know how it could have been my fault, but I feel like it was. When I was 14, my dad died while drunk driving. But honestly, I didnt cry and I feel like an awful person for that, but I didn't." He said this like it was a story he was very familiar with, like it was a story he didn't mind telling.

"Dean, I'm sorry."

"It's okay. May I have my prize from catching you now?" He smirked and then I remembered what I promised him.

"Sure baby." I started kissing down his neck, my hand wandering up his shirt. Eventually I got his shirt off and was kissing down his chest, leaving bruises on some. As i fumbled with his belt buckle, I leaned over to his ear and whispered "you ready for the night of your life?" And nibbled on his ear. After I got his pants off I managed mine off. Soon enough we were left with nothing but our underwear. That night was very fun.

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A/N sorry I can't write smut 😂😂. I wasn't going to, but if you wanna know how it continued they basically just had sex. Hope you enjoyed.