Didn't we almost have it all? [Completed]

You would not let me

12 months earlier

June 2015

'You know I could have loved you forever, but you just would not let me.' It was the last thing I had told him. I had felt like a broken Fleetwood Mac record as I had uttered those words. It was just something in him that couldn't help but break promise after promise and I felt like a traitor for leaving him, but I just couldn't see another way for him to save himself. Even though he thought he was hiding it from me well, his drug use had escalated and the more drugs he did, the less I wanted to do with it.

As I was walking down a street in down town New York, I couldn't help but appreciate the weather. With my broken heart, I felt comforted by the fact that the pouring down rain was matching my gloomy mood.

I was on the hunt for a new apartment, and so far the press hadn't caught on to the fact that we had separated. I still wore my engagement ring, to keep speculation down, and I was still following him on Instagram.

Oh the small things you do to keep the public off your back I thought to myself.

I was just as happy that we had been able to keep both Noels overdose and hospital stay on the down low.

I was meeting with a broker on Manhattan to look at a spacious studio apartment and I couldn't wait to have my own space to hide away in. Yet again I had been staying with Jessica and I was tired of sleeping on the couch and I was starting to feel like a bother to her.

Just as I reached the door to the apartment building where I was meeting the broker I could feel my phone vibrate in my back pocket of my jeans.

It was my mom.

I hadn't told her. In fact I hadn't spoken to her since I cancelled the last weeks of my tour, then giving her the official reason for the cancellation. When I had realized I couldn't stay on tour we had put out a press release blaming a throat infection that could potentially require surgery if I didn't give my vocal cords some rest. While my mind was trying to figure out what to tell my mom, I figured I at least had to talk to her.

"Hi, mom."

"Hey, honey, you know the church I was telling you about, the one that was booked for over two years?." Oh no. How could I stop this?

"Uh huh."

"You know the one where Brittany Thomas married that posh guy with the family estate in the Hampton's?"

"Mom, I don't care about Brittany Thomas. There is something I need to tell you." Brittany Thomas and I had gone to school together and in my mom's mind she was the ideal.

"Sush, just listen to me."

"Mom!"

"No hear me out, they just called me saying they had a cancellation for the beginning of December."

I was now standing in the lobby of the building and trying to figure out where to go and how to get mom mother to listen to me. Together equally confusing.

"Isn't this so exciting, I always thought a winter wedding would be perfect for you two, and you can finally stop stringing that poor boy along."

"Mom, listen! The wedding is off."

"What, oh that poor buy, what did he do now?"

"Mom I can't talk I have to look at an apartment."

"I am coming to you."

"Bye mom." I didn't even take in what she was saying before I hung up completely dismissing that she had said she was coming to me. I sighed heavily whilst waiting for the elevator to take me up to the tenth floor. Somehow I had realised that that was where I was going and made it into the elevator.