Dauntless

Part 8

“Looks like you’ll be back to normal in another few months,” the doctor informed me, looking at the chart he held in his hand. “Your wound is healing exceptionally fast under the new treatment we’ve been experimenting with. Your arm is already remarkably better. You’re a very lucky young woman.”

Yeah yeah, sure I was.
“So basically in a few months I’ll be perfectly fine?” I asked, gazing at the bandages taped to my side, no longer traces of my blood seeping through; it was just pristine white.
“Perhaps even earlier then that. With the medical capabilities we have now —.”
“What about strenuous activity?” I interrupted, not caring at all about what they have now. “Like running and climbing and —?”
“I wouldn’t suggest pushing yourself too quickly, you’re still recovering and any harsh activity could cause your wound to become sensitive or tear open again; you lost an organ, after all, you can’t expect —.”
“I feel fine, though. So I should be able to do everything I was doing before?” I pressed.
I needed to know this for sure.
The doctor didn’t have to look so annoyed. “Yes.”
“Good! Wonderful — thanks for the news.” I let my shirt drop and slid off the bed, relieved. This meant I could go on sweeps, that I could get back in the ring and beat the shit out of Nosey, whose life I made sure was hell whenever I was training him. 
So far I think I was doing pretty good there 
I could hear the doctor still talking to me, but I found myself ignoring him as I started out of the room, intent on finding Max and badgering him into giving me what I wanted — no, deserved. I could go on sweeps, patrols — everything just like before! I was in top shape again!
Mostly.
Okay, so Max didn’t need to know the details.
I frowned as I started to slow along one of the bridges, gazing down into the bustling pit below me. For some reason I couldn’t stop thinking about Jerome, about my brother. My brother was probably dead, I wasn’t sure if he survived being factionless or not.
I would never admit to anyone that the entire reason I went on sweeps was to look for him. He’d just…. It didn’t make sense what he’d done, why he’d hurt me just so he could escape. I could have protected him from anything, and yet… He’d chosen to leave instead.
And I didn’t know why, no one did. I’d been so hurt and angry after he’d stabbed me I’d never even asked for why. I suppose it doesn’t matter though, it was over with and a long time ago.
I sighed as I leaned away from the rails.
There was no point thinking about it anymore.
“Excuse me. Camille?”
“What?”
Could I not get a moment of peace?
“Max wishes to see you.”
Of course he did. 
“When?”
“Now.”
“I have duties to —.”
“Now.” the other Dauntless said firmly, and I frowned up at him. He was a bulky guy, tattoos all over him, vines weaving their way up his bald dome. I couldn’t remember his name, I’d never spoken to him before, but he was one of the beefcakes that Max generally kept at his side, his Left hand I think.
Huh.
“Fine, then I’ll be there in a minute,” I muttered, starting to step away. I could at least —.
“Max said now,” the beefcake snapped, and I stiffened as his hand closed over my arm, tight and unforgiving. I dug in my heels as he started to force me after him — didn’t he know who I was!?
“Let go of me, you over inflated dummy!” I hissed, my face growing red as I pulled against his grip. How dare he treat me like this! I was in leadership! I wasn’t some common soldier!
​​​ I twisted, jerking where he had no choice but to lean down with me, and about that time I brought my knee up, dead centering him in the face. He howled as he let go of me, staggering back, and I scowled at him.
“I can find Max myself!” I hissed, glowering at him as blood started to drip through his fingers. “If you ever touch me like that again I’ll bust more then your nose!”
What the hell was wrong with him, anyway? You don’t treat someone like that!
Ugh! 
I turned on my heel, leaving him to whimper in the hallway as I made my way towards where I knew I would find Max. It only took me a few minutes before I saw him, standing outside the meeting room, talking seriously with Eric and a few other men. I frowned as I saw Tori with them, but she had two Dauntless on either side of her, holding her arms and making sure she couldn’t go anywhere.
What the fuck —?
“What the fuck is going on?” I demanded, apparently startling Max as he whipped around to face me, alarmed. He stared at me for a few moments, eyes flicking behind me for my apparent lack of guard.
Tori was pale, and she just looked at me, as if she knew what was going on and was trying to tell me to make a run for it.
Funny.
I didn’t run from anything.
“Where’s —?”
“Did you send him to be an asshole?” the words cane out of my mouth as I came to a stop close to Max and Eric, who actually sighed when I spoke. “He said to find you and then tried to manhandle me!”
“Where is he?” Max was obviously trying for patience.
“I dunno, one of the hallways I guess, I busted his nose.”
Max actually sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as he shook his head. “I should have known. I hope you’re not one of them, Camille, you’re one of my best soldiers.”
I frowned. “One of who?”
What was he talking about?
“We’re testing today,” Eric said after a moment, his jaw tight as he looked at everything that wasn’t me. “Doing simulations.”
“Okay… And your point is? Isn’t it a little early to put the initiates through that?” I asked, my eyes flicking worriedly to Tori; she had kind of sunk back, straining slightly against her fellow Dauntless, her eyes telling me how panicked she was.
“It’s not for the initiates, Camille. We’re going to test everyone related to any known Divergents that might be here.”
“What do simulations —?”
“It’s where the divergent are most weak, where we can find them,” Max reminded me. “So anyone related to or suspected of being divergent is going to need to be tested, no matter who they are.”
Well I suppose that wasn’t a bad plan.
But why was Tori here?
“Why are you testing those already in Dauntless? We’ve already gone through the simulations.” I frowned; I fucking hated the simulations, they were awful. It had been the worse experience of my life, having to go through all your fears again…
Four might enjoy testing himself over and over, but I didn’t. Once had been enough for me, I knew my fears, I didn’t need them played out in front of me.
“Our knowledge of Divergents is much more now then it was before. It’s just to ensure everyone is safe. It’s just the simulations.” Max assured me.
Ahuh.
I crossed my arms.
Wait a minute….
I stiffened, taking an immediate step back as it suddenly occurred to me I might be on that list, that they were going to test me.
I wasn’t divergent! No one I even knew was!
No!
No fucking way was I going through that again!
“Camille —,” Erics tone was a warning as he saw me about to bolt. I had no idea where I was going, I just knew anywhere would be better then going through those simulations again. I wouldn’t do it, I wouldn’t allow them to force me, I —.
“I’m not divergent!” the words left my lips with only a minor pinch of panic. “That’s obvious —.”
“But your brother was,” Max interrupted me, his arms crossed over his chest, his normal deep frown returning. “It was why he attempted to leave, did what he did to you in order to save his own life. You must be tested.”
I looked at Max like he was crazy. “He wasn’t —.”
“Camille, don’t be a fool. This is for the safety of everyone.”
No!
I wouldn’t go through those simulations again!
No!
~~~~
“You fucking pricks!” I hissed, thrashing against the chair. They’d practically drug me into the testing rooms, Tori right behind me, the look on her face resigned.
She’d been right after all.
I strained against the iron cuffs keeping my wrists against the chair, not caring if they cut my skin or bruised it. I.wouldnt go through the simulations! No!
“Camille, you’re overreacting,” Eric muttered at me, glancing back at the mirrored wall separating this room from the next. “Calm down.”
“Fuck you, Eric!”
He scowled at me, holding the simulation gun on his hand, apparently the chosen one to give it to me. Or hell, for all I knew, he volunteered.
He seemed to like doing that.
“You’ve got nothing to worry about,” he mumbled, taking a tight hold of my chin and forcing my head to tilt, his eyes on the spot where he was going to put the needle. “It’s clear you’re not divergent.”
“And why do you say that?” I writhed, straining away from the inevitable. I knew what my fears were, I didn’t want to revisit them over and over and over.
“Because you’re not great at everything like Divergents are.”
The indignant gasp left my lips before I could stop it, and I gave him an offended look just as the needle slipped into my skin.
Shit.
You never really know when you slip from reality into the simulation, all of it seemed the same, the transition was seamless. One moment I’m in the chair, Erics fingers brushing across my skin, and the next I’m suddenly standing on a small piece of land, surrounded by an area of water so large I couldn’t see anything on any side.
I clenched my hands, staring at the water, so blue it could be the sky. Somewhere in my brain I knew what was going to happen, that the small patch of yellow land I stood on would slowly begin to sink, that I would feel the water washing over my feet, my ankles — soon it would be at my waist, my neck, my lips —.
I would drown.
I knew all this, I’d relived this fear over and over for months in my nightmares after the first simulations. 
I hated water.
I swallowed hard, my eyes scouring the water, searching for anything that could help me, that could save me— and like always, there was nothing.
Just warm, salty water rushing over my feet.
I could feel it rising, the horror, the fear that settled in my chest and made my entire body tense. It was a clenching, cold feeling., it came from my center and stole all over my body until I couldn’t move, I couldn’t breathe. All I could do was stare at the water steadily surrounding me, shaking, waiting for my inevitable doom.
How had I gotten through this before!? It had been so long now —.
I’d barely made it through my testing the first time!
I felt the whimper tear from my throat, and I took a step back, the water rippling around my waist.
What if I just started swimming? Swim as far as I could, until my muscles burned and my body gave out on me — was there something below? Somewhere I could go?
I swallowed, flexing my fingers, knowing I had to do something, I had to make a decision before I died.
Okay, swim! Just swim! There was no other option!
I sucked in a tight, frightened breath, and then forced myself to step forward, to leave the disappearing safety of my small patch of land and to thrust myself forward into the water, soaking my entire body as I momentarily dunked below the water.
I rose immediately, sputtering, gasping for air as I felt the horrid water fill my mouth, slosh into my ears and pour out my nose. I struggled against the waves, trying to go, trying to thrust my limbs through the water, but it only got worse. I felt heavy, like there were rocks in my shoes, and I kept going under, over and over and over —.
I hated water.
I squeezed my eyes shut as I sunk, giving up on fighting the waves and just letting myself float. My lungs were burning, but I knew if I opened my mouth more water would only fill them. My head felt heavy, then like it was going to explode — I didn’t want to die like this!
I had to move, I had to try!
I forced my eyes open, feeling them burn, watching as my air bubbles disappeared upward to the seemingly calm surface. Yet if I were to swim up there, I knew the waves would return, forcing me under and making me start all over again.
So I started swimming.
I kicked my legs, watching my black hair curl and trail around me as I turned, searching the blue water for something, anything that could help me. I looked down, seeing the bottom, the yellow sand that would only suck me down further should I touch it.
Hmm?
My head turned again, seeing the glimmer I’d almost missed.
There!
I started moving again, forcing my heavy limbs to propel me forward, to reach through the water as I struggled toward that glimmer.
… A door? Really? 
My hand closed over the small silver handle, the only thing visible outside of the sand. I pulled, as hard as I could manage beneath the water, and finally it started to give, to lift, the sand pouring off the silver wood as it finally opened and —.
Dammit! 
I landed so hard on my feet I staggered. I gasped, sucking in lung fulls of dry air as my head raised, taking in my new surroundings.
I glanced around, seeing I was on the train platform, other Dauntless surrounding me, all faceless, all blurry. Their chatter was like background noise, and I knew what was next. I turned, seeing the train hurtling towards us, much faster then it was in real life. I would run like all the others, run until my legs wobbled and my muscles burned, but I would never catch it.
Eventually I would run out of track, and I’d have to stop or fall off the edge. 
I’d be a failure. I would never catch the train, I would never be a good enough Dauntless, I would never be able to make everyone proud and look at me with envy. 
I would be nothing.
Lower then low.
Nothing.
And so I ran, my black clad legs quickly falling behind everyone else, no matter how hard I pushed or what I did. I knew the end of the train was closing in, that I was about to fail, to be left behind, too —.
I jumped.
It was early, and I shouldn’t have, but I just did. My hand closed around the edge of the train door, gripping on for dear life, pain assaulting my fingers as the hot steel bit into them. I struggled to hold on, fought it, but eventually I managed to roll onto the floor, barely pulling my legs inside the door before it slammed shut.
Perhaps my fears weren’t as bad as some, they weren’t dark or horrifying comparatively, but to me…. They were very real, very horrible.
And I had the same amount as always. 
Somehow I made it through them all, but I could feel myself wearing thin already, my body shaking and feeling like it could snap at any second. I was so close to being done, and yet….
I knew what my last fear was.
And I didn’t want to face it.
I didn’t want to see him again, I —.
No!
I staggered, my surroundings abruptly changing. I stared at the stone floor, barely illuminated from the light trickling down from the skylight, the bulbs in the walls dimmed as it was the middle of the night. I stared at the ground a few moments before turning, gazing at the metal stairs that lead to the upper ground, one of the exits out of Dauntless.
No.
I didn’t want to be here!
Wake up, wake up!
“Cammy.”
I went completely still, not offering to move, to breathe —. 
No.
No no no no no!
“Cammy, what are you doing here?” I could hear his voice, but it was muffled, echoing in my mind. I could hear his hurried footsteps as he came closer, as he came to the stairs, intent on running past me and up them.
If I could just let him —.
“Where are you going?” I heard myself ask, just like I’d done all those years ago. “Dante —.”
“I gotta get outta here, Cammy, I — they’re going to kill me!”
“Who? What are you talking about?” I asked, my voice echoing just like his, bouncing off the walls and back to my ears as I slowly turned, looking at my older brother.
We were the same height now, where a few years ago I’d been shorter then him. His black hair curled around his tan face, blue eyes bloodshot and frantic. he had a bruise forming on his cheek, but with the light, I couldn’t see much more of him. 
“I’m sorry, I have to go!” he said, shaking his head and stepping away from me as I reached for him, my fingers gliding through the empty air. 
I could feel the pain in my chest already, jarring and hot, my heart wanting to leap out of my body. I was having a hard time breathing, it was like I was choking, and I knew the dampness on my face was in my head as well as on my real body.
My brother.
He was leaving — again, I —.
“Please, Dante, no!” I begged him; managing to snag the end of his t shirt, jerking him back a step. “Why are you leaving? Who’s after you? Danny —?”
“Let go, Camille, or you’ll get us both killed!” he hissed at me, wrenching around and shoving me back several steps..I almost fell, but regained my balance, whirling around to face him again. I kept doing this, over and over as I tried to stop him, to keep him with me, but it never worked.
He kept shoving me away, forcing me to fight to keep him despite knowing the outcome.
“They’re coming, you fucking idiot, and you’ll be next,” he mumbled, head whipping around as he heard something in one of the hallways, his face paling. “Come with me!”
“What, are you crazy?” I demanded, recoiling from him. “This is our home!”
“We don’t have anything here, Camille! It’s just the two of us — we’ll be safe outside, we —!”
“I’m not leaving!” I gasped, stepping back. “You’ve gone crazy!”
I hated the sad look he gave me. “Cammy…. Then I’m so sorry. But I’ve wasted enough time, I have to go!”
“Dante —.” I jerked on his arm, trying to keep him with me, trying to not be left all alone — and that’s when the blade slipped cleanly into my skin. It didn’t hurt at first, I suppose I was just in shock, but everything always goes fuzzy after that part.
I just know my own brother had stabbed me to cause a distraction so he could get away.
And he didn’t even look back.
I collapsed in slow motion, able to see everything around me slipping and shattering as I fell onto my back, my head cracking against the stone floor. Everything was starting to fall apart around me, the simulation apparently at its end as my fears finished, as they won again.
“ — out of it before you kill her!”
Huh?
“She’d waking up now, the simulation is over.”
“She’s not one of them, Max!”
“I can see that.”
“Fuck!” I gasped, jerking myself up so abruptly I almost came out of the chair. My lungs expanded, sucking in heavy breaths like I’d just surfaced water. I could taste metal in my mouth, my cheek was sore, so I must have bit it.
“You fucking shitty asshole Motherfuckers!” I bellowed, fighting against the shackles still trapping me to the chairs as I came fully out of the simulation, feeling something dribble out of my mouth, my cheek hurting. Eric was standing beside me, his hands clamping down on my shoulders to hold me still as Max calmly worked on my shackles;, releasing my wrists.
I glowered at him, on the verge of either killing someone or busting into tears — I wasn’t sure which one. Had Eric seen my fears? Did he know about them now — would he use them against me?
I sent him a furtive glance, my chest still heaving.
“I’m sorry you had to go through that again,” Max said, looking as insincere as his words as I smacked Erics hands away, tossing my legs over the edge of the chair. 
“Fuck you!”
“Camille,” Eric snapped, but I smacked his reaching fingers  way again, wiping the blood away from my lips with the back of my hand. I was so furious!
How could they do that to me? 
“Camille, you must understand why everyone is having to go through the simulations,” Max said, watching as I got to my feet, wobbly and hardly able to stand 
“Are you going through them?” I demanded, finding my balance, still breathing like I’d just run a hundred laps around the building. “Does the great leader of Dauntless get to be excluded? You could be one of them for all we know, just taking out your competition!”
He rolled his eyes at me!
Fucker!
“Eric, help her to her apartment so she can rest,” he waved his hand dismissively as he turned away. “You’re relieved of your duties until tomorrow, Camille. You understand.”
Erics hand a abruptly clapped over my mouth, stopping the vile words that started to spew from my lips just as Max made it out of the door.
“Ow, fuck!” he hissed, jerking when my teeth slid into his finger.
“You’re such as shit head!” I snarled at him, still unable to get my breath under control — I was starting to feel dizzy, my body wavering back and forth — spots were starting to form in the corners of my sight. I didn’t want him touching me, coming near me — had he seen my fears?
“Camille, you’re fine, it’s over. You have to breathe,” he sighed, rubbing his bitten finger. “If you can’t walk —.”
“I can walk just fine!”
“Then fucking walk and stop panicking,” he snapped, looking frustrated. “Don’t pretend you’re such a badass.”
But I was a badass.
“Fuck you,” I muttered, shoving away from the chair, stumbling my way blindly to the door, my legs so weak I could barely keep a consistent step. My body was burning, as if I really had been swimming, and running, and fighting —.
I heard Eric sigh as his arms slipped beneath mine, pulling me to his side. I refused to lean against him, strained away actually, but it was nice knowing I wasn’t about to fall on my face.
“Did you see them?” I asked, abhorring the tremor in my voice.
“See them?”
“My fears.”
“Yeah.”
Great.
Now he knew how weak I really was.
“Where’s Tori?” I mumbled, feeling my legs slowly get stronger, Erics arm slipping beneath my shoulders as he continued to hold me up.
“Waiting outside. You were under for an hour. She’s next.”
“Oh that’s nice. Torture me and my friend in the same day, are you trying to set a record?”
He rolled his eyes, and shuffled, pulling my arm over his shoulder.
“C'mon, I’ll take you back to your apartment.”
“I don’t need your help.”
“I’m not helping you, I’m forcing you because you’re too fucking stupid to get there by yourself. Now shut the fuck up.”
…..
Asshole.