Dauntless

Part 16

​A/N: from here I start following the insurgent plot a little, so there's going to be some minor spoilers if you haven't read the book or seen the movie.

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​​​​​"Camille!" Eric bellowed, and I heard the chairs scrape and fall as he tried to get up.

I went stiff, staring at Four, unable to move a muscle as I felt my impending death. Four was grieving, angry, and he was going to take it out on me --- which made sense if I'd actually done it!
Man, I was so fucked.
"You killed Tris," Fours voice shook with fury as he stared down at me, everyone frozen. "After all the shit I did for you, you're the one who killed her!"
I just stared at him, my voice stuck in my throat.
Um.
Well.
ahh.
Shit. 

About that.
"Get that gun out of her face," Eric snarled. "Or so help me ---."
"You'll shoot me?" Four snapped, interrupting "Take Tris away from me? I should kill her, Eric, just because you care about her!"
Oh what bullshit.
"Eric only cares about himself," I said the words without thinking. Fours eyes snapped to my face, breathing so hard I was afraid he'd pass out. Eric didn't say anything, but I could tell he was closer to me, not far away.
"You're the only person I've ever seen him with that could stop him from killing someone," Four retorted, reminding me of the warehouse and the factionless. "You've spent so much time with him you're no longer the same person."
He pressed the barrel harsher against my forehead, and I flinched, unable to help it.
"You wanna shoot someone, Four," Erics voice was deadly, and I realized he was standing right behind me, his hand pressing against my lower back. "You can shoot me, you hate me the most, don't you? Well here's your fucking opportunity, stiff. Leave her the fuck alone!"
Oh, fuck.
Fours gaze wavered, his eyes flicking between mine and Erics. His lips pressed into a thin line.
"Fuck," he muttered before lowering the gun, and I let my breath go in relief. The guards pounced on him immediately, jerking him around and slamming his body against the wall.
I flinched, looking away.
This was awful.
"You're okay," Eric muttered,patting me and watching as Four was dragged away. "You're not hurt."
No.
But I felt like a monster.
I pulled away from Eric, suddenly feeling smothered.
I couldn't do this, it was too much, this was too awful. I had to get out of here, go, somewhere --- anywhere! 
"Camille ---where are you going?"
"I have to get out of here!"
"And go where?" Erics hand curled around my arm, forcing me to stop. ."Camille ---."
"I can't stay here!" I wrenched myself out of his grip, stumbling a few steps. "I cant, he --- I ---."
"Breathe!" Eric commanded, hobbling towards me and taking my face between his hands. "You've done nothing wrong!"
"Fours my friend," I managed after a moment, feeling my eyes start to well with tears for the first time; it was just too much, I couldn't do this! The pain in his eyes, the wretchedness ---. "He's my friend and I killed the girl he loved."
Or so he thought.
"You killed a divergent, Camille. She wasn't a person, she ---."
"She was a person, they all are! Everyone who's dying over this bullshit is a person!"
"Camille ---!"
"No, don't, don't touch me!" I jerked away from him, feeling my face grow damp, I just couldn't help it. The way Four had looked at me, watching Zediah die ---.
"You should've just put me under the simulation too," I muttered, shaking my head. "I wish you had, I wish I didn't know about any of this! This is wrong and you know it!"
Eric didn't answer, he just looked at me, almost like his feelings were hurt that I wasn't the maniac he was.
This was awful!
I couldn't do this!
I had to get out of here!
Eric didn't try to stop me as I left, but I wasn't surprised. I wasn't the person he wanted me to be, this tainted, murdering version he seemed to desire. I hadn't killed Tris, and I would never have killed any of them. Max had known it the second he looked at me, he knew whose side I was on.
The divergents.
~~~~
Tris was the one who eventually saved the day, I heard. She and Four somehow escaped the Erudite and stopped the simulation, freeing all of the Dauntless. I'm not sure what quite went down, everything was just rumors still. I just know the Dauntless were all free, that she'd stopped them from being murderers.
She'd stopped me.
Unfortunately, the Dauntless were all torn. Half of us followed Max and the other high ranking leaders because they were loyal; stupid, possibly, but loyal. The rest of them went to Candor to hide out, to gather and figure out what the hell was supposed to happen.
Of course Eric went with Max.
And I went to Candor.
As far as anyone was concerned, I'd been under the simulation too, they had no idea I'd actually been awake the entire time and I didn't correct them.
I took this as Eric and I were over, of course.
But I suppose that was for the best. He couldn't expect me to enjoy killing innocents like he did. I'm not even sure what I saw in him that made me think sleeping with him was a good idea.
Because it hadn't been.
At all.
And he didn't care about me or anyone else.
Fucker.
At least Tori was still on my side. She was furious of course, and wanted some kind of retribution for what happened, but none of us were organized, we had no idea what to do or where to go. The fact Candor took all of us in was a miracle.
For the first week or two it wasn't too bad, we settled in somewhat and accepted that we had no fucking clue what to do. Tris and Four were AWOL, everyone just assumed they were dead or laying low, some thought maybe they'd escaped the city. Erudite had everyone looking for them, scouring every building and every home, but they hadn't found them yet.
I bet Four felt better that he didn't shoot me now, he would've felt like shit about it.
I couldn't sleep, though. 
I'd killed people before, of course, but they'd generally been factionless who'd been attacking me or my fellow Dauntless. It had never been in cold blood, it had been because I had too. I'd had to shoot that Erudite man in order to save Tris, who had then went on to save everyone else, so I knew I'd made the right decision there. 
Plus Erudite was officially on my shit list.
I couldn't believe Eric was being their little errand boy.
Did he not realize how low that was?
Ugh.
Everyone thought everyone else was an enemy right now, especially those of us who had chose to go to Erudite and be their dogs. 
I'd thought before that Eric and I had been pretty good at hiding the fact we'd been sleeping together, but apparently not. No one trusted me because I'd been with him, they literally threw it in my face and called me a traitor.
Dumbfucks.
They had no idea at all!
I wasn't a traitor because I'd been fucking him! Not even I had known how fucking evil a person he was!
Ugh!
I pressed my lips together, sliding down the stall wall I'd been hiding in for the past thirty minutes. I couldn't sleep, I felt so sick, and the thought of eating actually disgusted me at this point.
I pressed my hands against my face, doing my best not to hurl again. I kept thinking about Zediahs trusting face before Eric had so blatantly shot him.
How he would have killed Four had the Stiff not stepped up.
He would have killed so many people, he still would.
Fuck he was such a bad person.
"Camille?" I went still as Tori suddenly knocked on my stall with a sigh. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine, can't I have some privacy?" I snapped, our voices echoing in the small bathroom. I know she frowned, and then nudged the door open with her boot, looking annoyed. 
"Get out of the floor, Camille, it's disgusting."
"It's actually not. These Candor people are pretty clean."
She rolled her eyes before forcing me to my feet, shaking her head. "You've got to stop moping."
"I'm not moping!"
"You are, and it needs to stop. You couldnt have helped what happened anymore then any of us. We were all manipulated, Camille."
She had no idea.
I didn't answer, just turned away, spying my reflection in the mirror.
I looked like shit.
And I didn't like it.
This was ridiculous. 
I fidgeted a moment before fixing my clothes, smoothing out some wrinkles and brushing at my hair. My stomach rolled again, and I felt the acid rise to my mouth. I clamped a hand over my lips before I shoved Tori out of the way, making a run for the toilet again.
Motherfucker! 
"Jeez, Camille," Tori muttered, gathering my hair for me, sounding grim.
I always did this when I was incredibly upset. I turned into a wobbly, gross mess until I got myself under control.
"Hey, is everything okay in here?" a new voice asked as the bathroom door opened. I was pretty sure the voice belonged to one of the previous initiates, but I couldn't remember which one.
"Christina, bring me some saltines, would you?"
"Uh, sure."
"The fuck do I need crackers for?" I huffed, leaning back on my heels.
"It'll calm your stomach, and you haven't eaten all day." she clucked at me as she knelt, her hand rising to my forehead. "You're not looking very good."
I didn't feel very good.
I sighed, leaning my head back against the stall well.
I probably deserved to feel this way for the rest of my life.
"Guys!" the bathroom door was suddenly thrown open, slamming against the wall and making both of us flinch.
"What is it?" Tori demanded, half rising in alarm as we both stared at --- fuck, was it Kristin? Tori just said her name!
"Four and Tris --- they're here!" the former initiate gasped, her eyes lighting up. "They're downstairs!"
What!?
Tori and I both scrambled, joining the crowd of Dauntless flooding downstairs to see the two heroes --- since we weren't listening to Erudite after all. Everyone crowded the downstairs lobby, Four and Tris forced to stop. Tris sort of stepped behind him, keeping herself out of the light; everyone did sort of see Four as a leader after all.
I shuffled my way to the front of the crowd, eyeing the two of them.
....
What the hell did Tris do to her hair?
Other then her missing locks, they looked fine, mostly healthy under the circumstances. So maybe everything I'd done hadn't been too bad after all since the two of them were alive.
Or at least Tris, I couldn't have saved Four.
I glanced up as I felt someone looking at me, and hesitated, meeting Tris eyes.
Well this was awkward. 
I hastily took a step back, not wanting to look at her or bring any attention to myself as I tried to melt back into the crowd.
"Camille ---."
Shit, melting wasn't working.
"Camille, wait!"
Fuck.
I turned reluctantly, finding Tris behind me; her eyes were shadowed, pained, and there was no telling what had happened to her in the past week. She just didn't quite look like herself.
But none if us did.
"What do you want?" I muttered irritably, frowning down at her. I wasn't going to pretend I was a friendly person.
"Thank you," she said seriously, her eyes on my face. "You saved my life when you could have killed me. I ---."
"Don't worry about it," I grunted, waving it off. "I owed Four, anyway. Now we're almost even."
She just looked at me for several seconds, and then to my shock her arms wrapped around me, hugging me. I stood uncomfortably, patting her back lightly, my face going crimson as everyone looked at us.
​I pulled away before she did, completely tense and ready to make a break for it.​​
I needed to leave, the lobby was too crowded and too public and everyone was hanging on to our every word. I quickly stepped away from Tris, not giving her a chance to say or do anything else
I just needed to find somewhere dark and lonely --- which was actually hard to do in a building painted white with two factions living in it.
I squirmed my way out of the lobby, eventually finding an abandoned area and curling up in it. It was a small room, probably a classroom from the looks of it.
Well I'd never been one much for learning, so this was probably a good place to spend my afternoon having a pity party.
Maybe now I wouldn't have to face anyone 
​​---Kellyrages