Chained

n e w y e a r |one shot|

He called me up at New Year's Eve.

He called me up after ignoring me for 3 months. Why am I even picking up this phone?

Gosh, I'm over him. I'm over him. I'm over—

"Hello?" Why the hell did I just answer his call? I shouldn't have bothered at all! Now I just heard his voice and made my heart beat a little faster than normal. Is this a consequence?

"Hello." I answered. Shit, why am I shaking. I shouldn't be. This can't be happening. Really, Jane? Shaking over a boy who ignored you after revealing your feelings?

"Happy new year." His hoarse voice, probably from a nap, sent me breathless. Why did I suddenly felt like I needed a blanket? This can't be.

"Same." I replied. Hey, I know how to be cold too! But if he'd see me shaking like hell, I know he'd be laughing. Like how he used to when—

Jane stop. It was over okay? Gosh. What is happening to me?

There was a long pause as I await his next statement. Why am I even waiting? I could've ended the call but my thumb is shaking, okay? I can't seem to push the end call button.

"So, um, how are you?" Miserable, after you put an end on our relationship that haven't even started yet.

"Great, you?" Why are we even doing this? Why am I even lying? I should be angry about what he did. But then again, why would I? It's not like he was given the responsibility of taking care of my feelings.

"Umm. Same. Liana and I broke up." He said as my heart pumped hardly against my chest. Is is okay to be happy over someone's poignance?

"Nice—" and I came to my senses, "I mean, so you called me up to tell me that you broke up? Really Kurt?" I was annoyed a little bit. So what is he up to?

"Kurt..." I heard him sighed. I used to call him Mike. Michael was his second name and I'm the only one who always call him that.

"No..." He paused. "I just thought that I'd let you know."

"So what now?" I'm growing impudent. I just can't put myself in shame again.

"I just wanted to say. I'm sorry." He...apologized? Kurt Michael Smith apologized? Saying that I'm shock was an understatement. Now that's something I wanna treasure for a lifetime.

He continued, "That time when you confessed your feelings for me...I was beyond shock. I mean... I can't just fall in love with my best friend, right?" He chuckled, making me feel like my feelings were a mistake. He really is bad at choosing appropriate words. And actions.

"That's when my relationship with Liana started being complicated. And I just can't stop thinking about your admission." Where is this heading?

"Just straight to the point Kurt. You know I hated mazes." My voice getting deep. But inside, I just want to know what he really means so I don't have to read between the lines again.

"I think...I think I like you too." He just dropped the bombshell. The bombshell that I was waiting to fall the whole time. Why did it take him three fucking months to know that I'm the one for him.

I didn't say a word. My mouth just can't find anything to say.

"I know you don't like me anymore. Probably even hate me for ignoring you. I'm not gonna blame you for that. But I just want you to know...that if you're ready... I'll be here, waiting." Ready for what? I don't want to assume again. I don't want to get hurt again.

"Complete your goddamn means, idiot." I roared. Silently keeping the tears inside my eyes.

"If you're ready to love me again, I'll be here waiting for you. I'm sorry if it took me a long time. But I'm here now."

I'm here now. I like that.

The tears started to flow as I waited for this moment. I just can't push away the person I've been waiting to come back.

"Jane...I—I love..."

Tooooooooooot! "Happy new year, sister! Wake up sleepy head!"

Wait, wait what? I felt the water on my cheeks. Glad it's dark, he can't see my tears.

I cleared my throat, making out a tiny voice. "It's 2016?"

"It's 2016." My brother, Carlo, kissed my temples and walked out my room.

So it was just a dream. Just a fucking dream. Why did it made me fly up in the sky to see the fucking stars and eventually made me fall on the hard concrete? This is unfair. Life is unfair.

It's 2016 and I still dream of things that's too far from happening. I curled up into a ball and started bawling my eyes out.

It's 2016 but I'm still hopelessly in love with my best friend.