Chained

a l m o s t

Feelings.

These feeling i had aren't helping me right now. Yes, there are times that i still think of you, of us. Or the people we used to be. I admit that sometimes, i want to go back. There's just so many wonderful things to go back to. And this burning sensation deep inside my chest scares me, for i'm afraid that this fire would soon be bright enough for them to notice. My mind understood that i don't love you anymore, but my heart is still on the process.

I hate how i miss you in times like this. Whenever i'm scared, you're still the one that comforts me virtually. Your voice aren't so clear like the way it used to, but it's soothing enough to send me to sleep. It's like a reflex. A part of my little things That whenever i feel uneasy, your name is still the only thing i mutter without thinking that i already have someone new and you too. But i don't want to discuss about that right now.

Two years. I had fun, i swear. Those were the moments that i had the funniest, wittiest, sweetest "almost" inhabiting my world. My mind always wanders through the burning forest of our memories. I just set them on flames, but that doesn't mean i would burn them completely. I won't. The remnants of our togetherness will never wither, i just don't know how to tell this amazing story to my grandchildren someday. (I used to say OUR)

What would you call us, by the way? M.U.? That's so stupid. Admit it or not, we used to have feelings stronger than those who had labels. We were able to make our own paradise without really committing by the name, but by heart. I want you to know that you will always have a place in here. You know what i hate the most? I can never stay mad at you. You've fooled me, crashed me, let me fall but still why can't i stay mad at you? You were obviously my weakness, totally consumed by the thought of love. 

Is it okay if i say i miss you? Because well, i really do. I miss your face so close to mine. i miss the way you'd place your hand near my waist. I miss those arguments meant for juveniles and the way my mind synchronize with yours. I miss the way you told me that i was beautiful. But most of all, i miss the way those three words would slip out your mouth. I just miss you here beside me.

You were everything i ever ever wanted. I had a taste of you, an ephemeral pleasure that will linger throughout my lifetime. You were a lesson teachers never taught me. I misinterpreted you as my destiny.

You were the ray of sun that brightened my heart that's filled of darkness.
Ignorant to the fact that it's the same thing that marred it.

There's so many words i had written for you, and i can't promise that this would be the last. I'm sorry that i can't stop. I still can't stop. This is my catharsis because of the unbearable pain crawling back in my chest.

I wish you well my dear almost. I hope she can love you more than i ever did. Let her be your first.

-Almost