Emotional Wreck

Chp 3 // Home Sweet Home.. NOT

Knowing that Dillion lives literally right next to me actually makes me pretty happy.

I stepped away from the window and walked over to my mirror. I took off everything I had in my hair, probably like two pins, and tired my hair inti a messy bun. I opened my bottom drawer and took out a pair of leggings & a large sweater that used to be my dads. My dad passed away 5 years ago, in a car crash. My mother married my step father a year after. I hate my step dad. He abuses my mother and I. I'm just glad he doesn't touch my little sister. There would of been serious problems..

Under my bed, there is a box where I keep my personal belongings. My weed, my bowls, my diary, and my blade. I've been smoking weed since 8th grade. I'm in 11th grade now and it's the only way I can escape from reality. I used to use my blade to get away from everything. Wake up, cut, come home, cut, shower, cut, go to bed, cut. Nobody knows that I used to cut, or now that I smoke, except my bestfriend, Alexida. She used to do it too. She smokes weed too. We used to hang out and just smoke so much and talked about everything until we passed out. She's always been there for me.. She was there at the hospital when I over-dosed, she was there when I was at the edge of sticking a knife into my heart. I love her to death. I miss her. I want to go back to New York, just to see her one more time.

I took out my favorite bowl, it was pink and white & about a dime of weed that I brought brought from New York. I brought atleast a 70 piece. I took out a lighter from my underwear drawer and set up everything. I had time to get high, since I was going to be home alone for about 2 hours. I crushed half the weed and placed it in the bowl. I always get emotional when I smoke.. All the bad memories come back. My dad dying in the car crash in front of me, my stepdad abusing me, everything just comes back. I lit up the weed and took a big hit, tears flowing down my face, my eyes closed. I kept it in for a minute, and blew out, releasing all the pain and sorrow I had in me. I took 7 hits and I got extremely high. I'm pretty lightweight. I loved the feeling. I was officially in another world. I opened my personal box & took out a pen and my diary. Me being pretty stoned it would be difficult to write but I managed.

10/16/12

today was my first day of my new school in california. i met a gorgeous boy.. Dillion and turns out he lives next to me, funny right? i know. i met sky and josh and we are all a nice group and i love them. i think i'm falling for Dillion love at first sight basically..

I stopped writing. I heard someone slam the front door and come stomping upstairs. Shit. My stepdad.

I quickly put my weed, my bowl and my diary away into the box and threw the box under my bed. I was still high so I didn't know what to do. He would of noticed.. I ran into the bathroom in my room and closed the door.

I stayed in there, quietly.

"REAGAN" I heard him call from the hallway. I still did not say anything.

I heard him coming closer, repeating my name, in a more annoyed, furious voice. "REA-GAN"

Now he was in my room, I had to answer.

"I'm in the bathroom" I said trying to sound normal.

"Well come outside, now." He demanded. I hate getting him mad, I knew he would hurt me.

"I'm a little busy, on the toilet, wait a minute, yeah?" I told him as if

he was a friend. Shit. A bad time to be stoned.

"Open.. the fucking.. door," He stopped, "NOW" he kicked my door open and I was standing in the middle of the bathroom, frightened and my eyes were shady and red.

He stared at me, and walked towards me slowly. 'He was going to hurt me' I thought. I tried looking down so he wouldn't notice. He was in front of me.

Suddenly, he grabbed me face hard and made me look at him.

"Now I want you to tell me, are you on something?" He said very low, yet aggressive.

"No" I said, struggling because he was grabbing my cheeks to hard for me to speak.

He grabbed a very large shampoo bottle from the shower and asked me again, this time slower, "Are you.. on something?"

"No..."

"FUCKING LIAR"

He started hitting me as hard as he could with the bottle. I let out loud screams, so loud the neighbors could probably hear me.

"STOP, PLEASE STOP"

I fell to the ground and slammed the bottle on my face.

"YOU LYING LITTLE CUNT. YOU'RE

A FUCKING DISGRACE"

He turned around to leave the bathroom and turned once more and lead a powerful kick to my stomach. Causing me to cough up some blood,

from how hard it was. He left the bathroom leaving me with tears and a bloody mouth.

I stayed on the floor. In pain. Agony.

I didn't bother to get up, I spent the night on the floor.