Pyre (Frerard, Rikey, Ryden, Petekey)

28: Misery Loves Company

Gerard wasn't sure how long he stayed crying on the hard wood floor, his knees tucked up to his chest as if their weight would hold his shattering frame together, but eventually, his tears ebbed and he managed to drag himself to his feet, his shoulders slumping in defeat as he stumbled over to the nearest mirror in an attempt to fix his disheveled appearance.

Gerard carded his fingers through his hair, an aura of numbness permeating his motions as he tucked down the flyaway strands, wiping his thumbs under his eyes once that was done, although his efforts did little to improve his looks.

Gerard didn't care though, in fact - he didn't want to leave his house at all. Standing up had already taken most of his severely depleted store of energy, and Gerard honestly wasn't sure if he could make it through Mikey's ceremony without falling apart, but he didn't really have a choice.

Gerard couldn't miss this, it was important to Mikey, so no matter how heartbroken he was, he had to pull himself together for long enough to fake his way through the proceedings. Gerard would only make himself sick with worry if he stayed here anyway, and maybe seeing Mikey and Ray would be a soothing balm to the painful ache inside of him.

Or maybe it wouldn't - maybe it would only remind Gerard of everything he wished he could one day share with Frank, of his hopes and dreams that were now ripped to shreds, their tattered remains digging into Gerard's mind, the sharp points that had been created with Lindsey's harsh ultimatum making themselves known every time Gerard so much as breathed, the edges shoving deeper into the sensitive tissue now that Gerard was thinking about them again.

Frank...god, Gerard needed him right now, but of course he was the one person that Gerard was forbidden from seeing. Gerard ached to feel Frank pressed against his side, to be able to inhale his intoxicating scent, to bask in the peace and unadulterated joy that only infused through his body whenever Frank was with him.

A few stray tears slipped down Gerard's cheeks when he imagined never being able to experience that again, of living for the numerous years he had left without being graced with Frank's laugh, his smile, their bond - fuck, Gerard couldn't do it, he knew then and there that it would destroy him, but if Gerard broke his word, Lindsey would make sure that they paid the price.

Gerard needed advice, to talk to someone - Mikey most likely, or maybe Brendon, but everyone who knew of his relationship with Frank would be at the mating ceremony right now, and that wasn't an appropriate place to discuss his illegal dalliances, so Gerard would have to wait until later to get what had just occurred with Lindsey off of his chest.

Could Gerard even do that though, because as desperately as he needed help, the thought of ruining his brother's special day made him feel even worse than he already did. Mikey didn't need to be burdened with Gerard's problems, not yet anyway, he should be spending his day basking in his love for Ray, and if Gerard told him that he had gotten himself caught, it would worry Mikey, leaving him occupied with Gerard instead of with Ray like he ought to be.

Gerard wasn't that selfish he decided, and although he knew his brother would most likely be able to think of a way out of Gerard's hopeless situation, it wasn't his burden to bear. Gerard would keep this to himself for now, and maybe in a week or so he would reveal what had happened to Mikey if he wasn't able to come up with a solution on his own.

Now all he had to do was hide his misery from his brother, which would be easier said than done since Gerard had it all but painted across his face, but he was going to do his best to change that, so with a last glance in the mirror, Gerard plastered on a smile, hoping it didn't look as awful as it felt, clearing his mind of all thoughts of Frank and Lindsey as he made his way down to the pavilion to watch his brother and his best friend receive the happy ending that Gerard had been foolish enough to hope that he would one day also be able to have for himself.