Instead of Me

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I took my keys out of my pocket and unlocked the front door. "Dad, I'm home!" I called, closing the door behind me, kicking off my snow covered shoes. I walked into the living room and stood behind his chair as he continued watching the TV.

"It's about time you're home, son." He reached for the remote. "Why weren't you answering your phone? I bought you that phone so that I knew where you were. If you're not going to use it for its intended purposes, I'm going to take it back." He turn off the television and turned in his chair to face me.

I walked over to the couch and plopped down. "I accidentally left it on silent after school. I'm sorry. I'll do better." I took my phone out of my pocket and put it on vibrate, then put it back.

"I would hope that you do better, Finn." Dad stood up, stretching. "I'm going to bed. Make sure you go to sleep at a decent hour." He picked up his dirty dishes and trudged over to the kitchen. I followed him. "Make sure you come straight home tomorrow, too. I got a call today that your car was ready to be picked up. I'll get done at work early so I can take you there." He placed the ceramic plate and bowl into the sink, then headed towards the fridge and pulled out his beloved bottle. 

I leaned against the doorway. "Dad, don't you think it's bad for you to drink before you go to sleep?" I muttered. Ever since my mom left us, my dad had to get drunk before falling asleep. For the first few months, I remember hearing him cry himself to sleep. Five years later, he hasn't improved much. Some nights, he gets so ridiculous that I spend the night over at Annie's home. I honestly don't even blame Mom for leaving. Dad was a workaholic and he was never home. When he was home, he treated her like crap. He never abused her, but he almost neglected her. He would get home from work, grab his dinner from the fridge, eat it, go to bed, and repeat. Still, nothing has changed.

Dad shook his head, slamming the door of the refrigerator shut. "When you become the adult, you can tell me what I should and shouldn't do." He pushed past me, walking to his bedroom. "But for now, I'll do what I want." 

My fingers twitched. I walked out of the house through the back door, pulling my pack of cigarettes out of my pocket. Heavy snowflakes fell from the sky, enveloping the ground in layers of white marshmallow. I pulled my hat down to cover my ears and hugged my coat closer to me. I stayed on the deck underneath the awning as my feet were only covered by socks.  I took a lighter out of my other pocket. My fingertips started going numb as I lit the cigarette. The January winds began picking up, blowing out the little flame. After a few tries, I got it to light the cigarette, and I shoved the lighter into my pocket. I took a long pull at the cigarette, satisfying the twitch in my fingers. 

I felt a vibrate in my back pocket and pulled out my phone. Annie was calling me. I held the phone up to my ear and answered. "Urology Department. Can you hold please?" Annie and I had an ongoing joke for years where we try and come up with the most creative, or just weirdest, greeting to answer the phone with. We have yet to disappoint. 

Annie snickered on the other end of the line. "That was a good one, Finny." 

I smiled. No matter what, I would be able to make her laugh. "What's up?" I asked. 

"Are you doing alright? You were acting kind of weird today. I just wanted to make sure you were okay." There's another reason that I don't deserve Annie. I was trying to sabotage her and Heath's conversations today, and she wanted to make sure I was okay. I've never met anybody as considerate as Annie. And she had probably never met anyone as inconsiderate as me. 

I shook my head and let out a slight chuckle. "Yeah, Annie, I'm okay," I lied. I took another puff of the cigarette and watched the exhaled smoke cloud dance. "It's just weird to see you and Heath." Annie stayed silent for a while and the thought of me ruining our friendship with that one, stupid sentence put me in a panic.