Instead of Me

∆18∆

I stumbled backwards. "H-h-how did you get that?" I stuttered nervously, the back of my neck instantly covered in a layer of sweat. My trembling hands shut the door behind me as I trudged over to Mrs. Valentine's desk. I swallowed a lump in my throat. "W-where did you find that?" She held the photo out for me and I tore it from her hands, embarrassed to even look at it.

Mrs. Valentine flicked her hair over her shoulder. "You left your textbook in class. I flipped it open to find out whose it was. That photo was inside the front cover." She was so obviously disappointed in me, and that feeling hit me in the chest. Hard.

"Listen, Mrs. Valentine, I-"

She held up her palm, stopping me from finishing my sentence. She flipped my textbook cover open, slammed the Polaroid on it, and closed the textbook. "Finn," she said, drawing out my name seemingly as long as possible. Mrs. Valentine walked behind her desk and plopped down in her chair. She was thinking, drumming her fingers across chin.

It seemed like house passed before she spoke again. I could feel the sweat dripped down my neck. My heart was beating so loud it was all I could hear. My feet were glued to the spot in front of the door. I couldn't move.

How could I be so stupid to leave that there? Anybody could've picked that book up and flipped through it. What if it had been a student? It's pretty easy to tell the photograph was of Annie. With my name in the cover of the book, and the date scribbled on the bottom of the Polaroid, anybody could piece together what happened.

And Mrs. Valentine was doing just that.

She wanted to say something, but shut her mouth. She closed her eyes, rubbing her temple. "Finn," she finally whispered. "Finn," her voice was more confident this time, "I teach at a high school. I hear about all of the drama. I know about you and all those girls from the past year." She stopped for a moment, deciding what to say next.

Finally, my feet allowed me to move. I spun around, unable to face her. I clasped my hands behind my head and leaned my head back. A laugh almost escaped my lips. It was the most inappropriate time to laugh, but that's all my brain could think to do in a situation like this.

"I know that Riley Barnes really screwed you up. I also know that you improved a lot in the past couple months. Your name has not slipped up in recent gossip. You were finally turning back into the good guy you were as a sophomore, before Riley."

Mrs. Valentine was practically telling me my life story. I didn't get the point of it. But I couldn't say anything.

She huffed out a sigh. "But then you got ahead and do something like this. Finn, disappointed doesn't even compare to how I feel about you right now."

I turned around. She was shaking her head at me. I couldn't meet her eye. Knowing that the one adult I look up to was disgusted with me shook my bones. I felt like the biggest failure in the world.

"Finn, Anastasia has a boyfriend, who she likes a lot. And you're her best friend. I understand that you're in love with her, but this. . ." she struggled to find the right words. "This is unacceptable. This may have felt good at the time, but this is going to come back to haunt you. If Heath finds out, not only is he going to want to kill you, but that will tarnish the innocent relationship they have. And if they don't work out, Anastasia is going to blame you. That's how it works. You won't have your best friend anymore." Mrs. Valentine pursed her lips. "Would you rather keep her as a best friend, or lose her entirely?"

My chest was constricting. I couldn't breathe, let alone respond. Suddenly, my mind was full of doubt and regret. She was right. Why did I jeopardize our friendship like that? How did I let my feelings for Annie get in the way of making reasonable decisions? But I couldn't go back now. My eyes darted to the textbook on Mrs. Valentine's desk. I could almost see the photograph through the cover, and it was burning into my head.