Instead of Me

∆30∆

"What'd you do today?" Annie hopped into the car, rubbing her hands together. Her breath was visible.

I turned the radio down. "Nothing real exciting," I said in a monotone voice. It was already dark out. Annie was the last one to leave the building so the parking lot was empty. I left insignificant in the bustling city. "But I want to hear about your day," I put the car in drive and headed towards the motel.

Annie grinned. "I actually think I performed really well." Her face was colorful and ecstatic. She seemed like she was trying to contain her excitement. 

Laughing, I told her, "Go ahead. Tell me about it."

She started out when she first got there. She found the waiting area where other dancers waited. In another hall, there were boys and girls with cellos, trumpets, flutes, and an assortment of other instruments. She met another dancer who lived in Connecticut whose name was Maria. They bonded throughout the day and they were in all the same auditions and workshops. At the end of the day, the exchanged social media accounts and numbers. 

"She checked out my Instagram and thought all the pictures you took were beautiful. Maria asked me who took them so I showed them your account. She thought you were cute so don't be surprised if you get a message from her or something." Annie gave me a sly little wink. 

I shook my head. She always seemed like she was trying to set me up with someone, which I would appreciate if I wasn't head over heels for her. "Annie, c'mon." I tried to sound like I was joking with her, but it didn't come out that way. 

Annie's happiness faded away. "A-are you actually upset about this? Finn, I was just making new friends."

"No, Annie, I'm not-"

"Because unfortunately I have to do that because in a few months, no matter where I go to college, you won't be there." It killed me to see the tears welling up in her eyes. 

I really was a terrible guy. How on earth was I able to take away Annie's smile so quickly with just a simple little phrase? Why did I always seem to upset her anymore? Can't I make her happy rather than not?

"I wish you would be there, but you won't, and that's the truth of the matter. I need to find other people because you won't always be there when I need you." Tears were falling down her cheeks. Her voice shook. 

I ruined her happy day.

I pulled over on the side of the road. "Annie, I will always be there for you. I'm your best friend." 

"But you won't!" she yelled. "Sometimes I'll need more than just a phone call or a text. Sometimes I'll just want you. And what if I get into Juilliard? What then? Will you just travel for hours to cheer me up?"

"I will if you need me to."

"But I don't want you to put your life on hold for me, Finn!" She aggressively wiped her face and took a moment to try to compose herself. We sat in silence until she said, "I just want you to have a future yourself. I want you to be successful for yourself. I don't want to hold you back. You deserve more than what the world has given you, Finn."

I didn't reply to her. What was I supposed to say? That I would stop my world for her? No, that would be stupid. But wouldn't it be true though? 

Instead, I started driving back to the motel again. Annie leaned back against her seat, staring at the snowflakes falling. Despite the cold, the streets were still busy. They were overcrowded and everyone seemed to be going every which way. 

I pulled into the motel parking lot. Annie softly said that she was going to get a shower and asked if I would order Chinese food for dinner. I stayed outside to order the food and smoke a cigarette.