Instead of Me

∆29∆

Annie acted like nothing happened. She pretended that we didn't fight that almost ended in us dying. She pretended that she wasn't put into a state of shock afterwards and I didn't run out of the car to hurl my guts out. She pretended that she didn't wake up and let me bandage her so tenderly. She pretended that she didn't tell me it was okay not be okay.

She acted like nothing went wrong and everything was good. "I should've eaten more carbs yesterday so that I would be more fueled today. I don't want to get too tired or anything because what if my stamina seems too low and that's why I don't get in?" Annie was rambling. She had been the entire morning, from the time she woke up.

I rubbed my eyes, leaning back against my pillows. "I'm sure you'll be fine, Annie." I rolled over to face the window rather than watch her worry over everything she packed. "Just don't get in your head too much." I yawned and pulled my blankets back up to my chin. The sun was hardly up, so I shouldn't have had to be up either. However, Annie was the biggest worrier I knew. I was surprised she had yet to have a complete and utter meltdown. 

"I'm going to get a shower," she eventually decided. "Maybe the hot water will help calm me down. Then we can get going." She let out a shaky breath. I heard her quick little footsteps hurry towards the bathroom. 

I turned back over, facing the bathroom door. I could hear Annie turning on the water, humming the music for her dance routines to herself. She couldn't hold a tune, but her humming was such a comforting noise. I loved listening to it. 

I sat up and stretched my arms out, my fingers itching for a cigarette. Wrapping a flannel blanket around my shoulders, I snatched the box from the top of my bedside table and headed towards the door. I fumbled for the cigarette and lighter, my hands shivering as the brisk air brushed my skin. With the end lit, I lifted the cigarette to my lips, immediately feeling warmer. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the wall. 

The events from the previous night ran through my head. I pictured the car missing us. I saw how it could have ended:

The car ran straight into us. In slow motion, the air bags went off and our heads whipped back against the headrests. A pickup truck behind us couldn't slow down enough. They slammed into the back of my car. The back window shattered. Despite my efforts to hold her back, Annie flew forward into the windshield, and her body draped across the top of the car that started the accident. My face slammed into the wheel and I knew my nose was broken by the immense pain. Blood completely covered my car. Most of it was hers. The slow motion seemed to stop. Everything was sped up. I stared at my hands, cut by glass and covered in blood. Police sirens wailed. The flashing lights blinded me. I reached for my door and pushed it open, stumbling out. An ambulance flew past me, nearly taking off my door. They stopped suddenly, braking hard. Paramedics raced out of the vehicle, running to Annie who's eyes were open. 

She was alive.

A cop approached me, holding out his arms as I turned around to steady me. He asked me a question, but I couldn't make out the words. "That-that's my friend. She's my friend. I-I-I have to make sure she's okay." My mind was racing. I couldn't seem to focus on anything other than Annie. Another paramedic ran to me with a gurney. "She's my best friend. I need to go see her." I attempted to push past him.

"Sir, I need to make sure you're alright. You can worry about your friend later, but let's take care of you first?"

I stopped trying to push him out of my way. "Take care of me first? She flew through the windshield! She needs to be taken care of! She needs to be more important!" Out of complete anger and worry, I made my way between the paramedic and the cop. I ran to Annie. She was still lying across the car. One of the paramedics held his fingers to her neck and wrist. He shook his head at the female paramedic behind him. Slowly, he climbed off the car.