Instead of Me

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Annie showed up on my doorstep. "Finn, please, I'm sorry! It was just the heat of the moment."

"Save it."

She stuck her foot out so that I couldn't shut the door. "No! I will not!" She placed her hands on her hips and stared me down. I gave up and opened the door just enough so that she could see me. "Finn, you are my best friend. I can't loose you. Believe me, I didn't mean what I said one bit. Feelings were just fired up and blurted out a lot of things that I didn't mean." She licked her lips, cocking her head to the side. "Please believe me."

I thought about it for a moment, then shook my head. "Annie. . ."

"Of course I don't want to forget about you! Why would I spend all my time with you and help you through your grief if I wanted to forget about you? Finn, I think I might've lost Heath. I couldn't bear it if I lost you, too."

I pinched the bridge of my nose. I answered her slowly, saying, "I'm going to forgive you at some point, but right now is not the time. I can't right now."

She pursed her lips and did a single nod. "Okay." Annie reached out and set her cold hands on mine against the doorknob. "I'm sorry. You deserve better." I laughed at her. "No, you do. I wish you could see that."

For a while, we just looked at each other. Her brown eyes were digging into me, pleadingly telling me to believe her. Her long hair blew to the side from the cold wind, wildly curling around her pale, smooth neck. I dropped my gaze down to her lips, plump and soft. What would she do if I just leaned over and kissed her? Would she pull away or would she bury herself into me? Would that be taking advantage of her? 

"C'mere," I said, wrapping my hand around the back of her neck and embraced her. I pressed my lips to her forehead. Her knees seemed to weaken at the comfort as she placed her head into the crook of my neck, shielding herself from the wind and experiencing the warmth and comfort of a much-needed hug. 

Before she got too comfortable, for my sanity, I pulled myself away. "I'll see you tomorrow," I muttered, stepping completely inside the house. 

Annie bit down on her lower lip and it drove me crazy, despite the tears welling up in her eyes. "See you, Finny." Her voice cracked, but before she could pull me in deeper with her cries, I closed the front door. I leaned my back against it and tipped my head up, threading my fingers through my hair. I needed her to leave, to show myself that I at least had some self-respect. 

***

"You kind of suck a lot," I told Annie as we walked through the parking lot, one arm around mine as she pulled her sock hat down with her other hand. She laughed, saying that she knows. "To tell you the truth, I need my best friend now more than ever. That's why we're talking now." I let out a chuckle as she playfully pushed me to the side. 

"You and me both." 

Three mornings after Annie's fight with Heath, I picked her up for school and told her I couldn't stand the silence any longer, but she had to make it all up for me. I told her the best way to do so was to tutor me in English, because Mrs. Valentine's replacement couldn't teach to save her life, but Annie was making it all up to me just by being there, almost back to the way it was before Heath was in the picture. 

The heat hit me like a truck as we entered the school building in the morning. It was so stuffy I could hardly breathe. Annie yanked the scarf off her neck. "It's hot in here," I muttered, escorting her to her locker. 

"Extremely," she concurred, opening the locker to pull out her AP European History textbook. "Oops!" Annie dropped her scarf on the ground. I leaned over to pick it up, but it was suddenly kicked partway down the hallway by a pair of black boots. I glanced up and noticed Katherine, her ponytail bouncing behind her.