Instead of Me

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Annie wrapped her fingers between mine and held onto my arm with her other hand as we walked into the hospital. The harsh fluorescent lights were blinding and the constant beeping of machines was deafening and nerve wracking. As we approached a nurse, Annie gripped me tightly for reassurance.

"Excuse me," I said, my voice hoarse. I was sure my face was red and puffy.

The nurse wore hot pink pants with a matching pink and blue top with cartoon pretzels patterned across it. She looked kind. "Can I help you two with something?" she replied sweetly with a smile, dropping her clipboard from her face.

I tried to talk, but I couldn't get the words out. Annie took half a step forward, still holding on to my arm. "We got a call about a Mr. Grant Robertson. Could you direct us where to go?"

"Of course, honey." The nurse waddled over to a computer at the front desk and typed something in. She pulled a pair of reading glasses out of her hair and placed them on her face, squinting at the screen. "Grant Robertson," she mumbled under her breath, reading the screen. Her smile faded and her eyes darted from me to the computer screen. Something was wrong. The nurse put on an obviously fake smile full of pity and waved her fingers towards her. "Come with me." And she led us to a waiting area. "A doctor should be with you shortly." Her tone was solemn and she avoided eye contact as she left us and headed towards a nearby room.

Annie sat down in a chair and pulled me down next to her. "No matter what happens, we'll make it through this, okay?" She was whispering, despite being the only ones in the waiting area.

I was hardly able to acknowledge her with a nod. I felt numb. Moving at all felt exhausting.

Annie's head darted up when footsteps approached us. "Dr. Lopez!" she exclaimed with a smile, happy to see a familiar face.

Dr. Lopez offered a sympathy smile and sat down. She ran her hair over her slicked back ponytail, sighing a deep breath. "I was hoping the last name was a coincidence, Finley," she mumbled under her breath, rubbing her temples.

Annie leaned forward, still gripping my hand tightly on her lap. I rested back, keeping my eyes on my shoes, unable to look at the doctor.

"Finley, is Grant Robertson your dad?" she asked, leaning her elbows on her knees, her hands clasped together.

I looked her in the eyes and in that moment she knew my answer.

Dr. Lopez let out a heartbreaking breath. "I'm so sorry. We did everything we could. He was in pretty bad condition already when he came in and-"

"Oh my gosh," Annie breathed, holding a hand up to her mouth. I clenched my jaw, trying not to cry again as she wrapped her other hand around my arm. "What happened?"

Dr. Lopez scanned the both of us, obviously not wanting to admit the whole situation to us. "Your dad was in a car accident. He was drunk driving and he almost his another car before another one saw that he had no control and drove in front of him to shield two teenagers from a head on collision. Your dad was thrown from the car. When he got here, we did a neuro exam and noticed his left pupil was blown. We got him into surgery immediately but by then it was too late. His brain swelled too much. Right now, your dad is unable to breathe on his own. He is hooked up to a ventilator, but if we take him off, his lungs will stop. I'm sorry, Finley. Your dad is brain dead."

The news didn't even seem to hit me that hard. Somehow, as soon as I got the call, I knew he would be dead by the time I arrived at the hospital.

"How are the people he hit?"

Dr. Lopez sighed again. "I'm not allowed to disclose patient information to you, but they're not in good shape. The teenagers are alright, but the woman that saved them is struggling."