Instead of Me

author's note

I know that I never warned any of you guys that the ending was coming up, but that was kind of the point. It was supposed to be sudden. Trust me, I have had this entire book planned out for over two, maybe even three years.

I wanted to tell you about my inspiration for this book. My favorite song is entitled Instead by Ryan Amador. It's sad and emotional and passionate, but I when I listen to it, I feel every emotion Ryan evokes, despite never having to be in a situation like Annie and Finn's. There's a specific verse that really made me want to write a book about and it goes like this:

Go be in love I don't care
But don't ever pretend
That we're both unaware cause
The truth is that you still permit me to be
Close enough that I know
That you don't want me to leave

And then I remember he's there
And he's been there for years
At your side like a stain
And when I see you with him
In your eyes there's a pain
And it's trapped you inside
Like you can't get away

That verse just really resonated with me and it made me feel like the love triangle between Finn, Annie, and Heath was perfect. If you want to truly get the full effect of this story, I highly recommend you check out this song.

I also wanted to talk about my beloved characters. I love all of them so much (except for Mr. Rush and maybe even Katherine a little bit). I love them because they feel so realistic to me. There are reasons to love them all and reasons to hate them all.

Heath was supposed to be the perfect boyfriend. He was attractive and nice, taking Anastasia out on breakfast dates and writing all of his articles about her. He was supposed to be the person that was hard to hate, even for Finn. But then he also had some jealousy issues and wanted to get back at Finn for sleeping with his girlfriend. That's why he ratted out Finn about smoking at school. It may have been petty, but he didn't care.

Anastasia was this beautiful girl that had boys falling for her. She was smart, talented, pretty, and obviously had the dancer's body. She was a great friend to Finn, wanting nothing but the absolute best for him. The hardest thing for her was to watch him destroy himself and believe that he was worthless because she only saw how good he was. Of course, however, she was indecisive, and didn't always make the right decisions. But I wanted her to be that way because that's how teenagers are. They don't know what they want, and they have to try to figure it out on their own and sometimes they don't make the right decision. Anastasia cheated on Heath and led Finn on, but how could she choose between these two guys?

Now Finley is the boy I love with my whole heart. I had two other drafts of who Finn was supposed to be, but I'm glad this was the one I chose. I'm not going to lie, as I wrote this, I fell in love with him and I would have gladly helped him get over Annie, but that wouldn't be possible. He was too head over heels for his best friend. Finn was loyal and supportive, always putting other people's needs in front of his. But Finn had his faults. He smoked. He pined after a girl he knew was with somebody else and then helped her cheat on said boyfriend. He had a body count if you know what I mean. Finn was not afraid to take his pants off. However, the worst thing is his self image. Finley is an amazing young man and talented photographer, but he could not think of himself this way. He believed himself to be worthless and disgusting, but that was probably because of the way his mother left him and his father. After the age of twelve, he didn't have an adult in his life that acted as a true parent until Mrs. Valentine came along and took him under her wing. I just want to be able to squeeze his cheeks and tell him that he's a good guy and that I love him.

Now this is not the end of Annie, Finn, Heath, Mrs. Valentine, and Mr. Miller's stories. I am planning two other books at the moment. One is in Annie's point of view and it will take place about eight years in the future. The other is in Mr. Miller's point of view and it will take place years and years before Instead of Me. I'm having trouble picking which one I want to focus on first though, but I should have the first chapter of one of them up within the next week or two.

Also, I've been saying that I've been editing my other story Tell Me About It. However, I've hardly been able to do that because I've been so focused on Instead of Me. So I am definitely going to be working a lot harder on Tell Me About It, the beginning of Mrs. Valentine's story.

Lastly, I just want to thank all of you lovely readers who were determined enough to finish this book with me. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have your guys' motivation. This book definitely would not be done right now without you guys. So thank you and I love you!

xoxoxoxoxoxo