Midnight Moments

you are the exception

You are the exception to every love song. 

When I was in sixth grade, a guy tried to trick me into sending him pictures. He was my first real crush. After I discovered his true intentions, I was as upset as a middle schooler could be about a boy. I got over it pretty quickly, but at the time, I listened to breakup songs and finally began to understand them, at least at a mild level. My favorite was Torn by Natalie Imbruglia. The song was all about this girl who fell in love with someone she shouldn't have. She talks about how he didn't "seem to know, seem to care what [his] heart is for." She says she "should've seen just what was there and not some holy light." This was always one of my favorite breakup songs, and it was so relevant in that moment. I feel like so many love songs are just like that one; they may be vulnerable and dejected but they still have this sense of liberty, this idea that perhaps the breakup brings freedom from something weighing them down.

You are the exception.

I don't feel an ounce of relief from this breakup. You didn't weigh me down; you made me stronger. You didn't hurt me. You showered me with love and reassurance. You made me happy. You were the only thing that made me happy. 

You are the exception. 

I can't say that our relationship was a lie or an illusion. It was perfect. We didn't have this big falling out. We didn't fight. You just woke up one day and decided you didn't love me anymore. You didn't want me anymore. We conquered distance, trust issues, insecurities –everything. We overcame these relentless obstacles that were only meant to tear us apart just for you to decide you "lost feelings." 

I still remember the moment my heart broke, the moment it finally hit me that I lost the best thing that ever happened to me. I was walking back up the hill towards my cabin, and I had to pass a massive crowd. My friends saw me, eyes puffy, face blotchy, and asked what was wrong. That's when I broke down. Tears clouding my vision, I couldn't see. My muscles froze. My body refused to function. I couldn't even stand up. My friends practically carried me back to my cabin, bombarding me with questions, but I couldn't form words let alone coherent thoughts. I was miserable. I was broken. But I couldn't be mad. What did you do wrong? All I could do was watch you find happiness with someone else as I attempted to fend off the persistently loud demons trapped inside my head. 

But I couldn't be mad. No, you are the exception.