Midnight Moments

it was never a lie

I realize now the reason why I can't let you go. It's the stability.

You've always been my rock. I've always known that no matter what, you'll always be there for me and you'll always know just what to say. I've never had to question it. I've never had to question you presence or your motives or your love. It's always been a sure thing.

And it always will be.

That's why I react so strongly when that stability is called into question – when you become angry with me or annoyed or independent. These moments strip me of the one person I never had to worry about. With everyone else, I never know if they actually want me or if they're just waiting for me to turn my back before they take turns stabbing me with their words of annoyance and animosity. With you, I've never had to worry.

I've cut myself three times now. Twice two years ago. Once this past summer. But each time was for the same reason.

I thought I lost you.

I thought I lost the one person I could count on–

The one person I knew loved me.

I realize now that the forever we always understood is not a lie – not in the very least. Perhaps I didn't expect it to turn out this way. Perhaps I interpreted the forever as forever in love.

That was my fault.

Nevertheless, it doesn't discredit you in the fact that you were ever dishonest. You told me the truth. Maybe our relationship didn't last forever, but our love will. Our unconditional support for each other will. Our utmost respect for each other will. Our slight dependence on the stability of each other will. Our understanding will.

Our love will.

Forever was never a lie. It was never a broken promise. It was pure. It was invincible. And it will continue to be.

I do love you – maybe not in the way I'd always imagined, but I do. And I know you love me just the same.

Forever.