"No matter how compatible we are. No matter how perfect I am for him. No matter how much I love him. He doesn't want to be with me."
I heard this quote on Bachelor on Paradise. Seriously? I can't even watch fucking reality TV without thinking of you? God. This hit me hard. This past weekend I saw you. It was difficult at first; it felt like there was this massive barrier between us, an invisible wall impossible to break down. I'm so used to seeing you and having an involuntary response of excitement and utter joy. I'm so used to wanting to spend every waking moment together once we're finally close again. And even though those feelings were still there, I couldn't. I can't even put into words how wrong it felt, how distant we were. Then after the first day, you sat me down, and we talked. You told me that seeing me made you realize how much you missed talking to me. You realized how much you missed having me as a best friend. And even though I know it's only plutonic, I can't help feel hope rising up from deep within me like the bubbles shooting up from a soda can after being shaken, impossible to contain. I can't help but want you. I can't help but hope one day you'll take me back. And the hardest thing to accept is that very quote. Even if you want to be friends, you don't want to be with me. Not the way that I want. No matter how much I love you, you don't want to be with me.
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Midnight Moments
Roman d'amourThis isn't a story about love. Well, at least it doesn't look like it right now. It's just me. I don't think there's enough out there about what happens when that love ends. What does it look like to be raw and vulnerable? What does it feel like to...
