Joy & Pain (Harry Styles fanfic)

14- thoughts

tori's pov

I jolted up and fell off the sofa with a grunt. I had another bad dream of the night I was raped but this time when the guy turned around it wasn't Trevor, it was harry. I've been having these nightmares since it happened. I shivered and got up off the floor while wipping the tears that fell. I looked towards the sofa to see that Maya was still sleeping. Why haven't I told her yet? She's my best friend she could help! One side of my mind is thinking that while the other side is thinking that she'll judge me. You know how it goes, the bad side always wins in my mind.

I walk to the kitchen and get a glass of water, my mind is still going. What if Harry is like Trevor? He seamed to like where things were going that day in his house. If Maya hadn't of interupted who knows what would of happened! I would of surely asked him to stop... no no i wouldn't of. I would of looked like a fool! I would've probably made an excuse.

That's it! I can just make up excuses everytime we get it on. Only allowing make out sessions.

Ugh I can't do that! He'll get bored of me! Then leave me! I'm already one step closer in conquering my fear! He can't just go and let that crumble to pieces. I can't let him go. I really do like him and I don't want him to get bored of me. He really doesn't know how hard this is. Maybe I should tell him and he could help me get over that horrible nightmare?

No, he'll judge me and leave me. I can't tell him. But I should, I mean I can trust him right? He saved me from Josh! That has to be a good sign!

I can't keep doing this. I seriously need help.

Why would I think Harry would be that mean? He's so sweet to me. I mean I can trust him right? He saved me from Josh! He also promised he wouldn't hurt me. That has to be a good sign! And thinking like that about Maya? She's my best friend, my sister! They'll understand. Won't they? But they'll probably be mad that I've kept this big secret from them.

Urgh I'm so confused! This is getting way out of hand.

I put my glass in the sink and grabbed the house phone that I barely use.

"Hi I'd like to make an appointement to see Dr. Macey Hernandez." I say to the recisptionist that answered.

"Yes, When would be a good date and time for you Miss...?"

"Victoria Hudson. Is there by any chance I could go today?" I asked.

"Let me check." She paused for a moment. "Yes as a matter of fact there's no one at the 2:45-3:45 session. Is that a good time for you?"

"Yes that would be perfect. Thank you."

"Okay see you then" She said and hung up.

I looked at my clock and it read 1:24pm. I ran to my room and got my stuff for a shower.

Once I had my shower I put on my influence blue and cream denim lace skater dress on with a pair of my favourite geo cutout faux leather sandals. I put on a pair of cute silver bow earings and a cream colored bow ring to go with my outfit aswell. I put on a new phone case (what can I say I'm addicted to phone cases) and went to brush my teeth and put on my makeup which was very simple. I let my hair down and let it dry into it's natural waves and took to parts of my hair and braided them.

Once I finished braiding them I cliped them together in the back and walked out of my bathroom. I sprayed some of my LOLA perfume and walked through it and found a piece of paper to write Maya a note.

Maya,

Don't worry I have not been kidnapped so don't call the cops ;) I just had to run a few arends, I'll be back in a couple of hours.

Love you :)

-Tori

With that, I put it on the island and grabbed my satchel and walked out of my appartement locking it after. I walked down to where my car was parked, got in and drove off. Maybe stopping at starbucks before.

**

"My name is Victoria Hudson, I have an appointement" I say to the receptionist.

"Hello dear. You can go in now. First door on the right. She smiled nicely. I walked to the room and walked in.

"Hello, You must be Victoria. Please take a seat" A woman in her 30's said. I smiled and sat on the couch opposite from her.

"And what brings you here today?" She asks

"I've been having these nightmares about something bad thats happened a little while back and I just need to talk to someone."

"May I ask what is the bad thing that happened a little while back that triggered the nightmares appear?"

"Umm..." I trailed off. Looking down at my hands trying not to cry.

"It's alright Victoria. I'm here to help you and everything is confidential." the therapist told me.

"I don't really how to say this, but... I was raped on my 17th birthday" I say. I finally told someone. I start crying while still looking down at my hands.

"Oh hunny" Dr. Macey says and pulls me into a hug. She lets go after a few seconds.

"Have you told anyone?" She asks. I shake my head no and look up at her.

"I can't. I'm scared off what they'll think of me. I know they're probably going to be mad at me and judge me."

"They will be mad at first yes, but the anger towards you will desolve once you tell them why you hid it. Also if whoever you're telling is truly your friend or boyfriend or whatever they will not judge you" She says and half smiles.

"You have a boyfriend right?"

"Yes. We started going out today. It's my first one since the.... Incident happened. I was always scared all boys were the same and would try and take advantage of me but when I met Harry, I felt safe. You know?" I said wipping my eyes. She nods

"Good for you. You're already one step away of getting better" She smiled. I'm really glad I came here today. She's really helping.

beep beep.

"Well that's our time for today. I will schedual and call you to tell you when your next sessions is. Alright?" She said while getting up. I nodded and got up aswell. I hugged and thanked her and left the building, smiling at the receptionist while walking out.

I stoped at starbucks again to get Maya something so she won't freak when I get home.

Once I got home, I unlocked the door and walked into my appartement. I walked passed the living room and didn't see Maya. She could be in the kitchen? I walked to my kitchen to hear Maya on the phone.

"What?" She said into the phone. Who is she on the phone with? I made a noise so she would turn around. She turned around quickly and looked at me.

"Oh she just walked in now. I'll pass on the message. Thanks bye." She said and puts the phone on the island. I was walking to put my keys on the key holder with her coffee still in my hand.

"Why are you seeing a therapist?" She asked me. I stop dead in my tracks and accidently dropped the coffee all over the floor.

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Sorry I made you guys wait! I've been SO busy!

I think this is one of the longest chapters I've written so far!

Tori's outfit: I can't get the link for some reason so if you want to see it it's on my polyvore account; emily0587 set #14

comment/vote/recomend to friends!

xoxoxoxoxo