He's The One [Billie Joe Armstrong Fanfic] (Book 2 of Not The One)

16) Fuck Me

ALIYAH'S POV
I examined myself in the mirror, straightening my simple white dress. I sighed, knowing that I'll get to see Billie again in a few minutes. I shook off the thought and drove to their house.

I arrived at their place just in time for our Thanksgiving dinner. Adie (or should I say 'mom') welcomed me inside. She, too, was wearing a white dress like mine.
"I brought dessert," I told her, handing over the container.

"Oh, thanks! Take your seat, hon." She gave me a kiss on the forehead before going to the kitchen. I missed Adie's presence. She's really sweet.

I went over to the dining area where Joey and Jakob were already seated. Billie was nowhere in sight.
"Wanna sit here?" Jakob offered, patting the seat next to him.

"Sure," I said. "I'll just go wash my hands."

I headed to the kitchen sink and washed my hands. Adie walked to the dining area, a platter on each hand. As I was drying my hands with a clean towel, an arm wrapped around my waist followed by a peck on the cheek. I spun on my heel to see Billie before me.

"Oh!" He backed up a little, suprised. "I thought you were..."

I chuckled. "It's fine."

Even though that kiss wasn't really for me, my heart skipped a beat. I'm falling for Billie again. Well, I never stopped loving him. I just kept trying to contain my feelings so I wouldn't get hurt.
And now I'm falling...
...with no one there to catch me.

"You look nice," Billie complimented.

"So do you." I smiled.

He smiled back at me and good memories came flashing on the back of my head. I miss him so much.
Come back to me Billie...please.
I won't care how pathetic I'll look if I got down on my knees and begged him to come back in my life. I want him back. I love him. I want him in my life.

But this is the problem with 'break ups' that don't end well – one is still too attached.
And that one is me.

Billie broke the silence. "I'm hungry. Let's eat!"

***

We all helped in cleaning up. I balanced a stack of plates as I made my way to the kitchen. Billie passed by, almost letting me drop the plates when I felt his hand lightly brush my inner thigh. I turned to give him a look but he didn't look back. Maybe that was unintended.

I walked back to the dining area to get the next batch of plates. Billie passed by again and this time...
...he lightly pinched my butt.
Okay, he's doing it on purpose.
Ughhhh but whyyyyy????
He's so confusing! Why is he doing this?!

BILLIE'S POV
Aliyah shot me a glare. I put on a smirk and winked at her. She instinctively bit her lip for a split second then rolled her eyes at me.
She liked it haha!
I smiled to myself then continued to help.

I miss her so much! I miss the times we would chase each other around the house, fall asleep on the couch together, and also the times we would have petty fights over little things.
-
-
-
I miss her...so much.

We soon finished the job and I poured myself a drink. I laid my eyes on Aliyah who was talking to Joey and Jakob. Every time I look at her, I'm reminded of my reckless mistake. I lost something important in my life.
Hell, I didn't lose it. I fcking threw it away!
My grip tightened on the drink I have in my hand. I gulped it down, hoping it'd wash the pain away. I can't get her back. I'm not supposed to, even! Plus, Jakob likes her.
Great. Just great.
Can't everything return back to normal for just one day? I want to know how it feels like to be back in her embrace. I want to know how it's like to be loved by Aliyah again. I want to love her and be loved by her.
Fuck it!
If I want her back, I'm gonna get her back. I don't care how our future will turn out if we keep this up. That's future me's problem. I have to focus on present me first.

But wait...
-
-
-
Jakob.

"What he doesn't know won't hurt him," I said to myself.

Luckily, Aliyah excused herself and headed to her old room. I took a deep breath then followed her.

ALIYAH'S POV
I was reminiscing in my old room when a knock came from the other side of the door. I was about to turn the knob when it opened.
"Billie!" Mixed emotions filled my insides. "Something wrong? What brings you here?"

"I just want to tell you something." He looked at me intently.

"What is it?" I asked, nervous of what the answer might be.

"I still love you Aliyah. I never stopped loving you." Billie took a couple of steps forward but I took a couple steps back.
He winced at the pain.
What is happening????

"I miss you so much," Billie admitted. "I hate myself for letting you go so easily."
I only stared at him, digesting his words as best as I could.
"Can we please be together again? You know, just like the old times."

Billie cupped my face with both hands. This is too much to comprehend. My brain is too confused to function. Soon, he slowly leaned in to kiss me. I stood frozen in place as the space between us finally became non-existent. I kissed back, tasting the alcohol in his mouth.
He's drunk.

I pulled away from the kiss, disappointed. "Billie," I started, "you're drunk. You don't mean any of this."
My heart stung, remembering Ethan.

"No, I'm not!" He said defensively. "And I meant everything I said."

"It's okay, Billie." I said dismissively then headed out the door but he was able to grab hold of my hand.

"I'm sober. I had one glass, that's all." His eyes pleaded me to believe in him but I can't...I just can't.

"Do you still love me?" Billie asked but I didn't answer.

BILLIE'S POV
Aliyah didn't answer me.
"I know you still love me," I said. "I know you still care."

"No. I don't," she retorted.

Argh, I admitted that I still love her but why can't she do the same?? There's nothing to be afraid of!
-
-
...maybe she doesn't care anymore.

"Yes, you do." I pressed. "I know you do. You don't have to hide it."

Aliyah's eyes were glued to the floor. I lifted her chin up and asked again, "do you still love me?"

She looked up at me, her eyes watery.
"No," she choked out.
My gawd...this woman.

I crashed my lips on hers without warning. She felt stiff but I held on to the kiss anyway.

"Billie?!" I heard someone gasp. I opened my eyes and saw Adrienne standing by the doorframe, eyes wide with shock.

Fuck me.