Feathers And Spandex

I've Been So Alone

Cas wasn't fine. He was significantly devoid of all fine-ness. No, it wasn't because of the mugger. He could handle knocking out a scared kid with a gun. It was because of Dean.

Cas' feelings were all jumbled up, he couldn't handle it. Dean, acting like he cared. Like he cared about Cas, about his safety. Cas had learned throughout his life, people didn't care, and specifically, people didn't care about him.

Maybe it was his childhood, if it can even be called that. Cas wasn't normal. He knew that. Normal people didn't have wings and super strength. Normal people didn't have superpowers, so no, Castiel wasn't normal.

But Castiel chose to use his significantly un-normalness to help people. He learned how to fight, how to stop the bad guys. And he used those skills. Ever since he was a child, he had looked up to those superheroes, idolized them. He'd look at a picture and think 'I want to be like them' and now he is.

But it's not the same as the comic books portray them. No, it's much harder. It hard knowing you could have saved lives, but you didn't. It's hard knowing you can form friendships, but they are broken. The hero doesn't always save the day, doesn't always get the girl.

No, the only thing they get is pain.

Cas never had a person in his life. No parents. No friends. Hell, he'd never so much as looked at a neighbor. All his life it was just him, all alone. But that all changed when he needed a roommate.

Money is hard to come by when you chase bad guys in the night, he couldn't afford his apartment anymore. It was a bit of a rough patch for him. So, the obvious solution was to get a roommate, someone he could split the rent with.

That's when Dean came along.

He knows there is good in the world, shadowed by the bad. And he knows he will spend the rest of his life fighting for that good.

Cas had never been close to anyone. He lived in danger constantly. Inviting Dean to live with him was difficult. It was difficult to let him in, to be so close to a person when he'd never done such a thing in his life.

But Dean was so kind. He treated people like they mattered, he was the good in the world. That's why Cas loved him.

He tried so hard not to fall for the green eyed man. But then Dean would flash a smile, or cook him dinner. And needless to say, Castiel was head over heels.

But it couldn't be.

Cas' lifestyle could hurt him. He could be kidnapped or killed. Many gangs had it out for Dark Angel. He tries so hard to keep his alter-ego a secret.

So no, he couldn't put Dean through that. But, he can still hope.

-•—
Well, this isn't the best chapter I've done. I'm also drawing Cas and Dean's masks. So, I'll post them maybe. I dunno. I'm tired of you can't tell.