Foreign Love || Harry Styles AU {completed}

Fifty six❦

"Do I regret our love?"

My life is such a waste.

I failed everything I tried to accomplish. I dropped out of college, quitted my job, lost my friends.

Every inch of ambition i used to have, left my body.

All I have left, is me. My mind, my body, my feelings.
My love.

I have this capacity of loving deeply. Beyond everything. My love is strong, and hard. It's deep and daring. I love with everything I have, every inch of my soul, every part of my body.

That's how I love him.

He taught me to love like this. To love like it's the only thing that truly matters.

And I hate him for that. I hate him for making me feel like I need this love, like I need him to survive.

Like for as long as I have our love, I'll be just fine.

But right now, i'm not.
I'm devastated.

This love may not be enough after all... Was I delusional to think it was? Maybe.

But most importantly, do I regret it? Do I regret our love?

Do I regret meeting him? Getting to know him? Falling for him? Giving me entirely to him?

That, I don't know yet.

But I feel like I'm about to figure it out. Our love was tested and compromised multiple times, and it succeeded everytime. But now, I feel like something has changed. I changed, the vision I had of Harry changed.

And my heart is hurt. Once again.

And maybe this time our love won't be enough to mend it.

"Selly, It's going to be okay, he just needs to sober up, he'll be fine" Clay says, trying to lighten up my mood, which is already crushed to the ground. I still have tears in my eyes from my previous break down.

We sit down in the kitchen, me still drowning in my thoughts, and him fixing himself another coffee. Must be the third one since he got here.

My mind travel back to Harry. The way he reacted. The things i've learn about him tonight.

He almost killed his girlfriend... And I may be trying very hard to get past it, but I can't.

I've seen how aggressive he can be when he's emotionally unstable, but I never thought it could go that far. And now everytime he'll lose it in front of me I'll be reminded of what he did. I'm not going to lie, It scares me. But not because I'm scared he'll hurt me, because i'm scared he'll get into trouble because he hurt someone.

I know he will never hurt me. Not on purpose, and not physically of course. I know he loves me, just as much as I do him, but now I feel unsure of the man he is.

I'm asking myself who he truly is? Who is the man I've fallen in love with?

"Sel, Selly hello earth to Selena!" Clayton's voice get me out of my thoughts.

"Sorry, I'm... distracted" I answer offering him a short smile.

"No I get it. Sorry, I'm being chatty and it's not a great time" He chuckles, and his happy mood annoys me for some reason. I don't know why though.

"It's okay" I break eye contact and stare at the wall.

"Hey, don't be like that. I hate to see you like this. Smile! Cheer up!" he says. Now he's really getting on my nerves. I guess it's really not the time. I just want to roll in a ball on my couch and be alone right now- with chocolate ice cream.

"Sorry but it's kinda hard to 'smile' and 'cheer up' after the evening I just had, and my boyfriend acting like he did." I snap. I feel sorry for Clay, I'm being mean to him, but right now I don't care.

"Sorry you're right. But Selly he doesn't deserve you. Look what he did to you, he makes you miserable" His words are like small thorns touching my skin.

"You don't know anything about my relationship with him Clay, so please mind your own business." I speak a little louder this time. Clay frowns.

"You weren't asking me to 'mind my own business' earlier when you cried on my shoulder and asked me for help" It's now his turn to stare at the wall, avoiding my glare.

"I'm sorry. I'm being an ass." I apologise, sighing. "I just feel like shit right now."

"It's okay, I can understand what a Heartache feels like. I've had one before, remember?" He smiles apologetically. He doesn't say that to throw my betrayal at my face, he just underlines it. But I feel even worse anyway.

I broke his heart, he confessed his feelings and I rejected him.

"About that-" I start to say

"No, don't worry it's fine, really, I just want you to know that I moved on. It gets better, you just have to stay strong and keep your head up" He smiles brighter and I can't help but smile back.

I really needed him now, I needed a friend.

"Oh so you found someone?" I push his arm with my elbow playfully.

"No not really, I've seen some girls now and there, but no real girlfriend for now" Clay says.

"Any girl in mind then?"

"Well actually-" Clay starts but is cut off by the doorbell.

We both walk to the front door and I open it, revealing a very familiar face.

Rachel.

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LOVE YOU LOADS !
-Elie xx