Fluorescents

25

" So I ran 'til I couldn't & I screamed, until my voice was gone."

The upbeat tempo that goes along with the
music plays throughout the venue as I gaze back and forth between the stage and the equipment on the counter. The lights flicker and go along with the music, showing that they're properly working. I thank the effects and lightning specialists before ordering one of the crew members to inform Derek that the stage is working properly. After taking a long and comfortable shower in Christos hotel room yesterday, all of us finished getting ready and headed for the city. In the afternoon I stopped by the venue to speak to the owners but afterwards I spent more time with Christo and Shay. We spent almost the whole day in the city. After it got extremely late we made our way back and went to sleep in order to be prepared for the Seattle show tonight.

" Hey. " Jamie says from behind me, appearing out of nowhere. I jump slightly in my spot before we both laugh. " Would you like to get some lunch?" He asks with a sweet smile. I pull out my phone to gaze at the time, it reads 3:27. We still have a little over 2 hours til soundcheck and over 3 for the actual show. " A late lunch." He restates with a hopeful grin and I oblige. The last time I ate was early this morning when we stopped at a small bagel shop in town so when we arrive at the shop a short time before 4 my stomach is already growling.

" How was the radio interview yesterday?" I ask him as we sit at a table and wait for a waitress inside of a small Seafood place he recommended we go to because of their popular chowders.

" I didn't go." He tells me while he gazes at the menu. " Only Alex & Matt went." He says in a more serious tone before shrugging his shoulders. " Usually they request the most popular members in the band." He states and I nod my head, already regretting mentioning it. For both of our sakes I decide not to push it any further and we stay silent. We both take our orders and he watches me as I bring my first spoonful to my lips. I've always been more of a sushi person but part of the whole traveling experience is trying different foods from different restaurants I guess. I take the first spoonful into my mouth and he raises an eyebrow at me as I take in the different flavors.

" It's good." I tell him after I finish swallowing it. A smile erupts from his lips and I can tell he feels accomplished. As we continue eating I notice a group of girls watch us from the other side of the restaurant but I try my best to ignore them. They don't bother coming over and talking to Jamie but I almost choke on my food when I notice them try to take pictures of us discretely. Later than I hoped though they leave and the both of us continue eating, making small talk here and there.

" Hey, I wanted to speak to you about the night at the bar." He says randomly with a guilty and saddened expression. I blow on the hot spoonful in front of me and nod for him to continue. " I wanted to apologize for my behavior, it was uncalled for." He says, looking down at the table. " I'm currently engaged and it was extremely disrespectful of me to flirt with you and act the way I did." He says shaking his head as I clear my throat. I wasn't expecting for our lunch small talk to take a turn like this. It's been almost a week since the night at the bar and I honestly haven't put much thought into that night. Too much has been going on. The guilt must have been eating him alive.

" I don't mind." I say shrugging my shoulders and clearing my throat. " I just hope you respect her and don't do it anymore." I say before laughing, trying to relieve the tension in the air.

" I promise I won't." He says, waving his hands back and forth. " It was just the drinks." He says,shaking his head obviously, disapproving of his behavior. " I miss her, she travels a lot as well." He says trying his best to justify his unruly actions. I suppose he could miss her but why cheat? How would some temporary affection fill the void from the person you supposedly love? My mind wanders to my earlier thoughts about not being able to keep relationships and I fail to shake it off again. It constantly keeps nagging at my mind and its torturing me. I've tried so hard to get this job that I thought was my dream job yet I'm constantly second guessing it.