Fluorescents

62

" Through drought and famine,
              Natural disasters 
                         My baby has been around me "

A combination of music and a person singing  plays from the hallway and my eyes travel there, the lump in my throat building. Alex notices my uneasiness and I watch as he fully locks the door. I clear my throat and step away from it, walking only a couple of steps back into the room. His own body follows and he walks towards the bed and sits down, watching me as I stand uncomfortably in my spot still near the door.

" Have you-" I speak standing from a couple of feet in front of him. " Have you talked to Amy?" He looks at me with furrowed eyebrows before looking away and gazing out the window. He clears his throat and I continue before he can speak up and answer me. I know he still talks to her. I'm not stupid. She's pretty and I don't doubt that they still spend time together. Even if I haven't seen them together lately and even after Matt said he rejected her. I refuse to keep fueling my unrealistic ideas of him and having hope that he isn't still spending his evenings with her when he's not with Shay. " Have you mentioned anything about-" I swallow the thick and almost suffocating lump desperately trying to keep me silent before speaking. " -us" I practically whisper, his body turning to look at me again as the word leaves my mouth. His expression seems more neutral than I expect but yet again he never stops from keeping me puzzled.

" Sweetheart-" he chuckles lightly although, the soft laugh and word sounds more comforting than usual. " She works for us sweetheart- you- you can't expect me to just not-" he trails on laughing lightly towards the end and scratching the back of his neck.

" I know-" I mutter, accidentally letting out a light groan. Thoughts run through my head but I stay silent.

" I haven't said anything." He states blankly in between the silence, my head nodding at his and my body beginning to settle down. A part of me starts to feel that I should leave but before I can begin to exit he reaches his hand out and grabs at my wrist, pulling me closer towards him on the edge of the bed." We haven't done anything wrong sweetheart."  He chuckles lightly, a stinging sensation picking at me. I nod my head and bite down on my lip. He's right. We haven't done anything wrong. For some reason I feel uneasy at the thought that he doesn't consider what we did in anyway influential but I soon settle down again as he trails his fingertips up the side of my thigh.

" Maybe I want to." I say in a quiet tone, my mind instantly rationalizing what I said and hoping he didn't hear me. " I- I-" I stutter with my words and try to take back what I said but before I can he places his hands on the back of my calves and lowers my knees onto the bed, my body crawling onto his lap on its own. His fingertips graze my neck and I shudder under his touch as he gazes at my every feature, his lip stuck between his teeth.

I swallow a lump in my throat and adjust my head as he wraps his hand around the area between my jaw and neck. I flinch under his touch but his rough fingers ease me as he slowly rubs his thumb against the area below my ear. His eyes gaze deeply into mine and I enter his trance once again. I'm uneasy at first but give into his touch as he begins to trail surprisingly soft kisses against my neck and collarbones. His lips graze a specific area on my skin and I let out a soft moan, his grip getting stronger around my neck as he moves his head from my neck.

" Me too." He whispers before running his hand up my neck and pulling my lips towards his. The usual shock runs through my body and I instantly feel a rush of euphoria consume me, my mind jumbled and my body weak from on top of him. He takes my bottom lip in between his teeth and I let out a small moan at the sensation. He instantly reacts and uses his other hand to lift me up by my ass before swiftly letting me land on the bed. His body crawls to hover above mine and his grip on my neck stays tight. The harsh sensation somewhat unsettling but appealing and sensual all at once. His lips reconnect to mine and our tongues fight for dominance, the kiss seeming more feverish than usual.