Fluorescents

50

" What's been happening in your world?"

The sound of Alex's voice playing from the venue's speakers shakes me in my spot but I collect myself after they shut off the song seconds later. One of bad Suns' songs starts to play for their soundcheck and I continue sitting in my spot silently as he pushes his body up and steps away from the couch, leaving me dazed and confused. He sniffles from behind me but I desperately try to stay put, failing only seconds later and turning around to catch a glimpse of his back. Is he right? Do I want him? I will admit he's attractive but I don't. He's just really good at playing the game. I can't possibly want him as much as he claims I do. He's only a man and I'm only a woman. What we have is merely biological and evolutionary. If I do want him it's out of my own free will. Out of my control. I can't go against biology.

The sound of him messing with glasses echoes throughout the room, shaking me away from my many rambling thoughts. My heart races against my chest for some reason but I don't bother making a noise. Once his back begins to move again I turn back around, looking straight in front of me until I catch a glimpse of his body in my peripheral. I swallow a lump in my throat, my body already in an eerie state from his words from earlier and his always alluring presence.

He holds a glass out towards me and I take it in my hands as he sits down next to me, his body closer than he was before. I twirl the glass in my hands and turn to look at him as he moves one of his arms behind me onto the edge of the couch. I swallow a lump in my throat and gaze at my glass, desperately trying to look away from him and show absolutely no signs of my uneasiness. Those are the mere things that he enjoys. Feeding off of others misfortunes and the vulnerability that he has on me. It's sickening. In the most alluring of ways.

" You're not getting any?" I ask shocked and slightly confused. He shakes his head and I huff, bringing the glass to my lips and downing the hard liquor. He must have already gotten drunk. Once I finish the drink I pull the glass back, his hand extending out to offer me some more only half a second later. I shake my head, holding back a sour expression as I look away from him and set the glass down on the coffee table in front of us. " Why are you doing this?" I ask as I lay back on the couch and turn to look at him for only a second before realizing he's already staring at me deeply and looking away. His burning gaze always being too much to handle.

" Where is this sudden persistence coming from, sweetheart?" He groans getting up from his spot and returning the glass back to the bar, avoiding my question for what seems like the hundredth time. I roll my eyes and get up, following behind him and no longer letting him avoid the question or me as a matter of fact.

" Why do you keep doing this?" I half shout, going around the couch and watching as he lays the glass into a small bin under the bar.
" You're so keen on just- whatever it is you're hoping to achieve and its just- it's-." I go on, blanking in the word to describe how I feel about him constantly being around me and reeling me in.

" I don't know!" He shouts back, letting out a light laugh afterwards at his own expense. " I'm not even sure myself." He says in a light tone, turning around and tapping his fingers against the bars counter. I'm shocked that he actually gave me somewhat of a response but I also can't say that I'm satisfied with it. I roll my eyes and huff, making my way towards the door as the sound of his loud and fast footsteps follow behind me. His hand surprises me and comes up from the side and shuts the door before I can finish opening it completely. " Don't go." He almost whispers. I bite down on my lip and try my best to compose my heart rate and breathing as his body heat radiates onto my back. I let out a heavy breath and turn around slowly, his body stopping me from moving forward and the door stopping me from moving back. " Why do you always run away?" He asks and I look down, tears suddenly pricking my eyes from his words. He's not aware of the deeper meaning behind them but I can't help but feel emotional and wonder myself what I've been doing for so long. His free hands moves forward and cups my face, forcing me to gaze into his dilated eyes. My breathing stops and I desperately try to look away but he withholds me from doing so as he pulls my face back to look at him. I bring my hand up and wipe the tears from my eyes as I try my best to keep my attention on the room surrounding us and not the man staring deeply into me. " Sweetheart." He whispers, cupping the side of my face and gliding his thumb just under my now wet eyes. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, no longer seeing his face or hearing his voice and somehow pulling myself back to reality.