Fluorescents

47

    " You'll call me
when you're bored
and you're playing with
            yourself "

Loud music plays from inside the bus as I pound on its door, trying my best to overpower the noise of the music and to get the person on the other side to open up. I knock loudly for several minutes before giving up and going to find the driver. I inform him of my predicament and he hands me a set of keys before I begin to make my way back. Once I get back to the bus I unlock the door, not noticing my mistake until the loud music fills my ears and I gaze at the mess on the bus. Shay dances back and forth, tossing herself around before bringing a glass bottle to her lips and chugging tequila straight from the bottle. My mouth stays wide open as I approach her and shout her name. She doesn't notice me at first as she continues dancing and singing but once I'm close enough and my voice is loud enough she finally turns to look at me, tears spewing from her face yet not a drop of makeup on her. She wipes her under eyes before gazing at me with a smile, although I can see a frown tugging at her lips.

" Jocelyn." She says in a light tone before pulling me forward and embracing me in a tight hug, the cold bottle resting against my back. " You're back." She says into my ear and I sigh, wrapping my arms around her. A sting of anger still resides in me from what she did and the reason why but seeing Christo earlier and knowing how cruel Derek has been covers over it slightly. Not to mention she's the only person I really have at this moment. And by the look on her face I can tell I'm the only one she has. She needs someone right now and I don't plan on arguing when she's in this condition.

" Hey Shay." I say, hugging her tighter before letting go and taking the bottle from her hands and lowering the music. She reaches for the bottle but before she can take it I move it from her reach. " Sit down." I say sternly once I notice her unstable wobbling state when she stands. She doesn't do so at first but eventually caves in and sits next to me, laying her head on my shoulder and staying silent. I fumble with the bottle in my hand before laying it on the small kitchenette counter next to my side of the couch. I lean my head on the top of hers and listen to her heavy breathing and quiet sobs she desperately tries to hold in. " It's ok." I say and she sobs loudly, covering over her face as she does so. I lay my hand on her knee in comfort and rub over the area, trying to reassure her that I'm here and I'm not planning on leaving.

" I- I love him- so much." She sobs, her voice breaking. I nod my head and listen as she speaks, her voice frail and hurt. " I- I don't think he knows how much I do." She says wiping under her eyes and sucking in a sharp breath. She continues crying for several more minutes without speaking, the only sound coming from inside the bus being her sobs and the light music playing in the background.

" I don't think he does." I finally speak up from besides her. She flinches at my words and continues crying. " But he does know that he loves you." I tell her and she rolls her eyes although tears are still spewing from her eyes.
" maybe if you just talked to him, he'd-" I go on but she scoffs and lifts herself before I can finish.

" You don't get it do you?" She half shouts, her pain and the liquor from earlier getting the best of her. " I've already- I've already hurt him enough." She says in a softer tone, already beginning to sob once again. I nod my head and look down, staying silent. I've never been in love before so I have no right to speak. Her sobs start to die down after several minutes and so does she as she sits beside me, sniffling and wiping under her eyes. " I don't know how I thought I could do this." She says in a soft and almost unnoticeable tone before stuffing her face into her hands. I lay my hand on her shoulder and try my best to comfort her as she speaks. " All cause of this stupid fucking shit." She says pulling several twenty and fifty dollar bills from her pocket and throwing them on the ground.

I gaze at them as they fall and she groans by my side before lifting herself up and going into the bunks. I follow behind her and watch as she pulls up the small mattress for her bunk and pulls out a stack of money hidden in the corner of the frame. She stuffs it into her coat pocket and storms out, me on her heels as she goes into the hotel.