Band-Aids On Bruises

Deep

My hand covered my mouth as I ran down the halls, preventing myself from both letting choked sobs out and screaming in anger.

I don't even bother going back to my class, I just run out of the school and head for home. My legs burn from exhaustion and I feel like I'm going to collapse, but I keep running anyways.

When I get home, nobody's there. I run to my room and lock the door anyways though. I don't need anyone else walking in on me. I drop my bag and the floor and sit on my bed, wiping my eyes which causes my arm to sting.

I pull back my sleeve and stare at the cut on my arm. More blood had seeped out of it and onto the fabric of the turtleneck. I sigh, and grab the box of tissues that's sitting on my desk. I dab at the wound, removing the blood but also trying not to make it hurt anymore.

Once the blood is mostly gone, I stand and get my bag. Unzipping it, I pull out the band-aids I have shoved into it along with the small blade I had put into my bag this morning. I hadn't lied to Fisher, it actually was a accident. Mostly.

My brain keeps shutting off at random points during the day, and it's really been affecting everything I do, mainly my memory and ability to focus. Coffee's become my new best friend, but it doesn't do much against one hour of sleep every night, tops, and reoccurring nightmares that get worse every night and are now causing me to have panic attacks each morning.

This morning, I had been making my lunch, but I was so tired that I wasn't really paying attention to what I was doing, so when I had put whatever I made into my bag, I also threw a couple of the things I had been using into my bag as well.

So when I had been eating lunch today, I found a variety of things. Some of those things being a butter container, clothespin, and a knife. I didn't really think much about them, but I found the thought of the knife in my bag visiting my brain as the day went on.

I decided to throw it out, so I went to the bathroom during my last class and took my bag with me. Once in the bathroom, when I picked up the knife I didn't throw it out, I instead started inspecting it like I had done with the razor.

I pulled my sleeves back and looked at my arms. I had two tiny cuts on my right arm from when I had 'experimented' with the razor the past two times I had been in my shower. Both times I made the marks, I didn't like it at all. The idea still seemed to draw me in though.

I began lightly running the blade against my arm repeatedly, finding the light brush of the metal on my skin ticklish. Suddenly, as I was doing that, a loud crash came from outside the room. It sounded like a garbage can falling, but I was so shocked by the noise yelled and cut into my skin with the knife. Leaving a nice sized, deep slice in my skin.

I dropped the blade back into my bag and started freaking out about the wound. It hurt like hell, and blood was pouring from it.

When Fisher entered the bathroom though, I thought I was going to die. Or at least have a panic attack. I'm still surprised that I haven't had one yet.

I sigh, and place two band-aids onto the cut, hissing a little at the sting I get when I touch the wound.

'Fisher was right. I am a coward. I can't even bring myself to tell anyone about this.'

I haven't been able to shake the words that Fisher yelled at me last Friday out of my head. I know he didn't mean any of them, but he was right. Everything he said was true, and I hated it.

I wished he would just move on, try to find someone else who could look at him without falling into a panic attack or comparing him to someone he is nothing like. He didn't though, and I wasn't sure if I hated him for that, or loved him for it.

I clean up the mess I created and pull my sleeves back down over my arms. Perfect, even more things I now have to hide.

'How long am I going to have to live like this?'

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Shorter chapter, and I apologise for that, but I just didn't think anything else I wrote would be of much importance. New chapter tomorrow though. (Who knows maybe even tonight, haha, probably not) Hope everybody's liking the story so far though, I like writing it, but it's coming close to the end! Dundunduuun! Still a few chapters to go though, so don't worry. ;)