Band-Aids On Bruises

Falling

[The Next Day]

I wake up to the sound of rain falling on the roof. Normally, I enjoy waking up to this noise, but today is not like most days. My head is pounding from the head-ache that I fell asleep with last night, and I'm a little out of it because I didn't get nearly enough sleep last night.

Thankfully, today is Saturday.

I push myself out of bed, rubbing my face, walk over to my window. The rain falling down the glass distorts the view I get, but I can easily seethe trees blowing in the wind and how heavy the rain seems to be. I bite my lip in annoyance. I wanted to go to see Dustin today, but I didn't want to talk to him with either of our families around so I was going to walk somewhere private with him, like his park or something.

I yawn and glance at my clock. Twelve twenty. I slept more than I thought. I had stayed up until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore, around five or six, thinking about how the heck I was going to manage to talk to Dustin by ourselves, much less how I was going to help him.

He said the cut in his arm was an accident, and as much as I wanted to believe him, I couldn't. Especially after seeing the two band-aids on his other arm, and the knife in his backpack. I have never had to deal with any situation like this, and I'm at a complete loss at what to do. The only thing I know how to do is talk to him, so that's what I'm going to try to do.

If only life would go my way.

The rain doesn't cease as I'm getting dressed or when I'm making and eating my breakfast. I find myself sighing a lot, or growling at the stupid storm.

After I'm ready for the day, I pull on my coat and put on my boots. I inform any of my family that is awake that I'm going out, and step outside. I shiver when the cold air hits me, and pull up my hood then shove my hands into my pockets.

The rain soaks my pants as I trudge down the street to Dustin's house. As I'm walking, a car zooms past me and hits a large puddle, splashing water over me and soaking me to the bone. I curse loudly and yell after the car as it disappears into the horizon.

'Shoot, I can't be out here that long now. I hope my cast didn't get ruined.'

I curse again. I can either go to Dustin's house, which is still a few minutes away, and try to talk to him. If I do, and Dustin's the only one home, that might result in me getting even more wet as I try to talk to him. Or, I can turn around and go back home and prevent my stupid cast from getting even more soaked.

I exhale loudly. There's always tomorrow. Besides, today isn't the greatest day.

I turn around and march back home. I hate myself right now.

When I get home, I check my cast and show it to my mother. She has a mini freak out, and ends up taking me to the doctors office. Great. And, to make matters worse, we have to wait there for the rest of the day. I end up getting my bandages replaced, but the doctor tells me my arm is getting much better.

After that ordeal is over, it's dark out, so I end up sitting on my bed trying to contact Dustin. I text him over a hundred times at different points during the night, and call him just as much.

Finally, at one in the morning, I give up and start crying. 'Why did I have to ruin everything? Why couldn't I have been there like I promised? Dustin probably doesn't want to ever see me again, he probably wants to move on and I'm the one who's tethering him to the past.'

I pick up my phone. 'Maybe I should tell him... say what he wants me to say. I don't want to, what if I'm jumping to conclusions?! What if I make everything worse!?' I stare at Dustin's name in the contact list. My thumb hovering over the call button.

I rub the tears from my eyes. Why can't I just do the right thing for once?

I stare at my phone for a long time as my clock ticks on. I sigh, then press the 'call' button.

I put the phone to my ear and listen to the ringing, then the now familiar 'go to voicemail' message. I used to never hear that message. I didn't know what it was until now.

"Hi! This is Dustin-"

"Lord of the scrubs!" I hear my own voice join in.

"Get lost Fisher, I'm trying to do something!" Dustin giggles and I hear my laughter in the background.

"Anyways, if you have reached this message-"

"Which you probably haven't! Because Dustin always answers his phone! Unless he talking to me!" my past self makes kissing noises.

"I said get lost!" I hear noises. I remember what happened. Dustin shoved me and I had fallen on the floor, I hadn't noticed how red his face was then.

"Leave a tone at the beep! I mean leave a beep at the message! I mean leave a message at the beep!" I can hear myself yelling 'Dustin pushed me!' and 'Dustin's a meanie!' in the background.

I smile to myself as the message is cut off by a loud beep.

I stay silent. Is Dustin listening to this? Probably not, but still...

I inhale, then exhale loudly. When I begin to speak, I find my voice is shaky.

"H-hey D. It's me, you know, Fisher. The guy who has been calling you for the past, eh, two weeks." I chuckle, then let it die. "Anyways, I've been trying to talk to you about... the events that have happened recently. I don't know if you have listened to my other messages, b-but I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for not being there, for yelling at you, for-for chasing you around school, for walking in on you and seeing... those things."

I sigh.

"Dustin, I don't know if I should have tried more, or if I shouldn't have tried at all, but I tried my best, I tried to be there and make everything better, but I guess my best isn't good enough. I'm sorry for not letting you move one, keeping you in the past. So-so, I understand if you want to move on, forget me. I-if you do... then I won't stop you. I'll leave you, I listen to your silence and try to move on as well. I won't hang around Oort or Wasd anymore, they don't know anything, so you shouldn't shut them away as well. I'll find others, don't worry about me."

Tears start falling down my face again.

"If I could change everything, I would. I would have never tried to go to the party alone, never pressured you into coming with me. I see now, that all this is all my fault. So...so I guess I'll stop ruining your life. I won't ever try to... I don't even know."

I laugh. It doesn't sound like a laugh, and it quickly dies in my throat.

"If this is what you want Dustin, so be it. B-but, D, if this is goodbye, please... please please please don't hurt yourself, don't make what I already ruined even worse. Please, for me. Just try."

I run a hand through my hair.

"No matter what Dustin. Please try. No matter what-"

I hear a soft click. 'Had Dustin been listening in? Did he just leave? No...'

"I will always love you."

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*Leaves box of tissues on floor and backs away into the shadows* Please help me I have to many things that I want to put in, so I'm trying to draw this out for as long as possible. So yeah, that's why we've had two chapters that are short and kind of unnecessary. Also, ITS FREAKING IMPOSSIBLE TO THINK OF TITLES UGH. My life is so hard. Bye!