Because of You...

Chapter Thirty-Eight!(:

Author's Note: I wanna start by saying im sorry that it's been so long since my last update. I'm really struggling to write this story, I was thinking about putting it on hold for a while but then i decided not to. Just be warned that my updates might not come as often, and im sorry for that but i don't wanna rush and have the chapters be really horrible so bare with me. This chapter might be alittle different then what I have normally been writing with this story, but i have my reason's and writing it this way is the only way I could get it to flow again. So im sorry if you hate it but im trying. This book is probably the only one ive ever come this far with, and i love all of the support and feedback everyone has been giving me, i just hope this book lives up to what you guys want. So enough with my ramble. Happy reading. Leave me a comment or two(: I love you all and sorry if this chapter sucks.

-ravensierra

Chapter Thirty-Eight:

**Selena's POV:**

I woke up screaming yet again, not that it surprised me. Cody pulled me close and into a hug. “Shh Selena im right here, your okay it was just a dream.” he said comforting me. I have been home for a little over a week now and im still having nightmares. Cody has been staying with me though so it helps, but even he couldn't chase the nightmares away. I sobbed into his chest holding onto him for dear life. “Cody I can't keep doing this. I'm so sorry.” I said through my sobs. He rocked me back and forth trying to calm me down. “Baby it's okay you don't have to keep saying that. It's not your fault. It's normal remember?” Yeah he was right the doctors said it was normal to be having nightmares for a while, but I was having vivid flashbacks of the attack. It all seemed so real, like it was happening all over again. “Cody I don't know what to do. No matter how hard I try I can't chase the dreams away. I think I need to go see him.” “What?! No Selena you can't do that. It's not good for you.” I shook my head. “Cody please. Maybe if I go see him and see that he really is locked up I can try to get over this. It's the only way. Please?” I begged. “I don't think it's a good idea.” he replied. I sighed. “Well I do and I wanna do it.”

“Okay but at least sleep on it. If you really wanna do this then we can go some time this week.” I nodded slowly as he laid back down on my bed holding me close in his arms. He stroked my hair trying his best to comfort me like he had been doing every night for the past week or so. After a while I heard his light snoring signaling that he was sleeping. I just laid there thinking, sleep was out of the question for me right now. I couldn't sleep and when I did Chad was there and I hated that. When I was told that he was arrested I thought things would be okay, but they weren't. I was doing so well at the hospital but being home really set it off. The nightmares, flashbacks, and sometimes I even swore that I saw Chad. He was literally everywhere and I couldn't take it. I just wanted it to go away. I wanted to forget it had ever happened. I was trying so hard to put on a brave front in front of everyone but it wasn't working anymore. Ever since I flipped out in the kitchen the other day everyone knows im not okay. My mother wants me to see a shrink, but I hate that idea. I'm not crazy and im sure as hell not gonna spend an hour of my day having someone ask me 'how does that make you feel?'.

My mom had called my doctor and convinced my doctor to put me on some sort of sleeping pill but they didn't work. I still stayed up all night long no matter how hard I tried to sleep. Once I was sure Cody was sound to sleep I slowly climbed out of my bed and grabbed my crutches and made my way to the bathroom. I didn't have to use the bathroom but I didn't wanna cry or anything and wake Cody up so this had become part of my normal evening. I would sit in the bathroom for a while and just look at myself. Why I don't know, but I did. Maybe I was trying to remember who I was before all of this. Who I was before Chad and his damn games. I hadn't told anyone but he had tried calling me the other day. That's when I really lost it. I mean I didn't listen to what he had to say but the fact that he called alone made me sick. What kind of person would do that? Attack someone and then call them about it? What did he expect me answer and start joking around with him or something? Once I got to the bathroom I locked the door and sat on the edge of the tub and looked in the mirror. I had dark purple bags under my eyes, my skin was pale, and I was losing weight. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, I couldn't function. All because of him. All because of Chad.