LiarLiar

Chapter 3 - I Was Scared

I'm not even going to say that I can't believe it because honestly I can. It is exactly what I expected. I knew it would happen. I mean why would your parents ever support your dreams that is just crazy, ugh! I'm not in the mood for any of it I just want to leave this god forsaken house and get a little apartment with a couple of friends, live freely the way I want. I groaned loudly rolling off my bed when someone knocked my door.

"What is it" I growled before fully opening the door

"It's just me" Toby spoke calmly walking into my room sitting at the foot of my bed. I locked my bedroom door and lay back under my covers

"What" I sopped

"I'm going to help you" he stated pulling me up so that I had to look at him

"How?" I asked raising my eyebrows

"You're going to dance char" he smiled "next week we'll go back we'll see how it goes and if you get through you go. Just leave they can't do anything if you're gone"

"I wish it was that easy Toby but it's not... It never will be" I sighed

"You're 18 c'mon" he nudged

"It'll be like running away" I argued although I wanted nothing more than to leave

"I know you don't want to be here" he shuffled closer "we'll work it out" he reassured giving me a quick hug before letting himself out and my mother in.

"I don't want to talk to you" I showed no emotion in my voice because I can't even feel anything towards this woman anymore.

"I know we are harsh on you sweetheart but it is only because we care" she tried to defend her case but it wasn't working.

"No, you don't care so stop acting like you do" I spat venom dripping from each word I spoke

"Charlotte you cannot just leave school to... dance" she didn't shout but I knew she wanted to. She spoke in disgust

"I wouldn't though, I can still do school on the road mom I only have a month left till I can graduate, I have good grades again mom I have everything" I cried

"Enough of this rubbish I do not want to hear about dancing again do you understand me" she sternly spoke

"We really only want the best for you and we don't want you getting into trouble" she looked at me, her eyes wide making it clear what she meant by trouble

"I'm not going to hook up with every guy I see god, mom" I spat "don't you even trust me a little" I spoke in disgust but before she could answer I forced her out of my room locking the door so no one else could get in.

My parents have this whole "no sex before marriage" thing. But that didn't go too well for me and they know that. How they ever found out I'm still not aware but they know and I'm not ashamed. Why should I be?

I was sixteen, I was curious, it was legal and I was in a relationship, we loved each other, well at least we did at the time. I liked it, it felt good, I guess I took advantage of myself. After he got what he wanted from me, he broke up with me. I was hurt, torn, broken into a million pieces. I was hurting bad, I was an emotional mess and sex was the only thing I knew so yes maybe I did get myself into trouble. Maybe I did do things I regret and I will hate myself for doing those things for the rest of my life. But who doesn't have regrets like that? Nobody's perfect. We all make mistakes, some bigger than others. Some stronger than others. And some more life changing than others but none the less, we make mistakes. We can't undo them no matter how hard we want to, we can't go back and change what happened. I'm glad. Think about it. If you didn't make that one mistake, if you didn't fall in love with that one person, if you didn't do one single thing out of all the things you've done in your life. Would you be where you are today? Or would you be somewhere completely different. I wouldn't change my past. Do I want to? Of course who doesn't? But say I didn't make that one mistake, would I be as strong as I am today? Would I stand up to parents like I did? Would I speak up for myself? Chances are I would not. I would let people push me around but my mistakes made me stronger, it is my mistakes that made me who I am. And if nothing else, all I have to say is that I am proud.

It was not long ago I was half way through sixteen, I had only just broken up with my now ex boyfriend and was doing crazy things that I knew I shouldn't have. I had been careless and stupid one night with one of my old college friends, Kyle, -we still keep in contact just not as much- It was a typical college party everyone was smoking, drinking having fun and Kyle and I just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I guess you know what happened, it was quick meaningless sex. Quick, meaningless and unprotected, yes, I got pregnant. I was scared I didn't know what to do or who to talk to or anything. I was alone and I was scared all I had was my music and Justin; he was always there when things got hard, maybe not physically but he was there. I would watch videos of him for hours laugh and cry, look at pictures of him to make myself feel better listen to his music to pull me back onto my feet. He was my angel, he watched over me in my darkest moments. He brought joy back into my life. When I thought I had nothing... I knew I had him. And to me he is everything.

I told Kyle about the baby and we both agreed no abortion which only left one thing... Adoption.

-To this day my parents don't know about our secret and I'm hoping they never will-

A couple of months passed and luckily it was winter so when I began to show a little I could get away with wearing big jumpers. Three months, four months, and that's when I knew my bump was becoming visible. I managed to hide it but I knew it wasn't going to last long because it was May and summer was about to really kick in, so my best friend Carla decided on a six week cruise since we had just finished college for the summer and we didn't start back till the end of September/ beginning of October time so we would stay in Europe for a little while. It all worked out amazing.

Me Carla Kyle and a few other people went on the cruise and then just the three of us were in Europe. I was midway through month seven when it happened and thankfully we had found someone who wanted to adopt nearer the beginning of my pregnancy so we were well prepared, we flew her to where we were staying -in Spain- .

The pain was excruciating, unbearable. It would've been less painful killing myself, none the less I pulled through and I done it. Twenty agonising hours later our perfect little baby boy was born. I held him for the first time, tears streaming down my face knowing it would be the last. I couldn't let go but I knew I had to. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my whole life, it still hurts, I still remember how he looked, his gorgeous grey eyes his thick brown hair. He was tiny, just a little bigger than Kyle's hand. I sat the whole night with Laura (the woman who was adopting) and cried for hours holding my precious little baby. She named him Lucas. And he suited it so well.

As the weeks progressed things got a little easier. Not a lot but a little, the slightest bit.

As September grew to a finish we went back home to California. I was so distant, always alone, never really spoke to anyone. Didn't pay attention in class. That is when I became so passionate about dancing again. I would dance alone in my room at night expressing how I felt to the world even though the world didn't care. I danced my heart out.

I knew from those moments, the moments when I was lost, when I was broken and all I had was my dance... That dancing is what I want to do. Dancing is me.

Dancing is my life.

I don't care what I have to do to get there. I will make my dreams come true. One way or another