Pinned but Fluttering

Chapter 20

Sorry for this being posted a day late. The "big event" hasn't happened yet; it should make it in the next chapter....

Enjoy!!!!!

Chapter 20 

The rest of the week after I was unceremoniously returned to my bedroom full-time passed slowly as we fell back into our former routine. Jacob let me out for a few bathroom breaks each day and brought in a tray of food in the evenings; in the mornings he tossed me a granola bar and a water bottle for the day, sometimes a piece of fruit which I usually saved for lunch. Billy never bothered with feeding me lunch even though he was home most of the time. 

I mean, how hard was it to make an extra pb&j sandwich and toss it to me? 

Ridiculous. 

After Jacob came home from school the first day I was back in my room, he installed another deadbolt that locked from the outside. 

Perfect. 

And, yes, I had considered trying to escape from my room during the day while Jacob was gone, but Billy whispered some pretty dire threats against the Cullens through the crack beside my door that made me tremble with fear. So I stayed put, afraid of what his tribal friends would do to Carlisle and even little Alice. 

It wasn't pretty.... 

Part of me was furious with Billy for threatening Alice; she had done nothing except be a friend to me. Since when was that a crime? And despite his strong reaction to Billy on the telephone in the ER, Carlisle struck me as a nonviolent person. But part of me was also frightened of Billy carrying out his threats, enough so that I didn't dare try to escape. 

But I was used to this kind of treatment from Billy and Jacob, and in a way, I felt a little better being locked in my room. After all, I had destroyed this family: I had killed Sarah Black, the woman who loved me as her own and mothered her other three kids so lovingly; I had put Billy into a wheelchair as his grief over Sarah's death had spiraled his diabetes into a deadly cycle that necessitated drastic measures a year later, resulting in the amputation of his feet. And heartbroken over their mother's death and their father's disability, Rachel and Rebecca hated me so much that they left La Push, making no secret whom they blamed for the disintegration of their once close-knit family. 

And while Jacob had been there for me over the years, he now frightened me with his cruelty one moment and shocked me with his surprising kindness the next. That familiar look in his eye...that gentle shine...bound me to him as I remembered his kindness toward me. Until a year or so ago. 

What happened a year ago was so strange. I had been locked in my room as usual, and I could hear the then unfamiliar sounds of voices raised in anger as Jacob argued with his dad about going out with his friends late on a Friday night. Lately Jacob had been on such a sudden and incredible growth spurt; I swear that he had grown six inches in just three or four months. His physique completely changed from a slim, lanky teen to the powerful build of a grown man. If I didn't know Jacob better, I would have thought that he was doing steroids or something. 

And Jacob seemed as clueless about his abnormal growth as I was...until that night. 

When their voices raised in anger during the first of many arguments to come, I had unabashedly listened at my door, trying to make out individual words so I could understand the source of their argument. Jacob had always been so easygoing; he went along with everyone as much as he could with only rare arguments with Billy, usually over his treatment of me. Jacob was a peacemaker.