Pinned but Fluttering

Chapter 39

Chapter 39

Back to Bella's POV now....

From Chapter 38, as Bella nears the end of her transformation:

“It's almost over,” Carlisle answered quietly.

Chapter 39

I heard a faint gasp very near me, and I felt the hand holding mine tighten for a sixteenth of a second. Who was holding my hand? I was afraid to take a chance looking; if I allowed one movement, I would lose the perfect control I had assumed during this raging fire within me.

During these last moments of semi-awareness, I had sussed out some of the voices around me.

Carlisle, whose quiet voice made me feel safe and sheltered. I couldn't help but feel reassured by his words and calming tone. I could trust this voice...always.

Alice, whose high-pitched bossiness was annoying, but I couldn't help recognizing that beneath her princess-attitude, she cared for those around her...me included.

Esme, whose soothing musical tones almost brought me to tears. I didn't remember her, but somehow I knew her...and that I was dear to her. There was something special between us that I haven't been able to piece together yet....

And Edward. His voice called to me even more strongly than the rest. He seemed so on edge, so anxious. The other voices reassured him continually, but he never seemed to calm down. Yet despite his edginess, his voice calmed me, making me feel like I was home. Like I belonged...to him. I think he must be the one holding my hand. But why? Not that I didn't like it; in fact, I enjoyed his gentle touch very much. But I didn't understand what was behind it.

Every time my mind rose above the searing pain to semi-coherency, Edward's voice and touch were there. And despite not understanding this frightening, agonizing burning-alive I was experiencing, I relied on Edward's voice to keep me tethered to...me.

During the eternity I burned, a few other names and voices wandered in and out of my semi-aware state: Isabella. Jasper. Emmett. Rosalie. Bella. Sam. Jacob.

Jacob.

I felt a searing anger toward that name. I didn't know why, but every time I heard that name discussed in low voices around me, I wanted to tear, to rip, to utterly destroy.

But the other names were only that: names. I had no idea to whom they belonged; they were only murmurs of conversation that swirled in and out of my awareness through the fiery agony that bound me, utterly helpless and still.

Yes, I could have screamed and thrashed and fought the blistering internal flames, but somehow I knew that it wouldn't help, that in doing so, I would injure others.

And I couldn't do that. My own suffering was bad enough; I felt no need to drag anyone else down into the pits of hell with me.

But ever so slowly, the pain was receding from my limbs, and I welcomed the momentary relief...that is, until all the heat and agony gathered in one place: in my heart. It was beating so fast, too fast, every thrum an exploding taser of anguish. I wanted it to stop, but with every second it raced further out of control, each beat elongating into the next until only the barest pause came between them.

The pain shot to its apex. There was no way it could actually hurt even more, could it?

Yes.

It could.

And it did.

While the pain from every other part of my body was dissipating, bringing a welcome coolness in its place, the burning agony focused in this one organ as it thrummed with life. The beats quickened yet again until the crescendo of beats became one long, seemingly unending beat, the searing agony forcing my chest to rise, my back no longer touching whatever surface I was lying on.