Fire and Desire

Chapter 13

Two days had passed and I was now on the third.

My phone had been off since I had ordered my last Uber at the airport. I was waking up later and later and opened my eyes at 4pm. I threw on some Nike sweats and swept my hair into a bun. I knew my eyes were puffy and a sight to see but I couldn't care less, Walking out across the front lawn I met eyes with Bernie.

"Miss Joseph, are you okay? I haven't heard from you."

His voice was etched with genuine concern which was comforting. His green eyes were cool and pierced straight through mine.

I felt as though he was reading me and my darkest deepest secrets. Uncomfortableness washed over me as I took a step back.

"I uh...I'm fine thank you. Just..could you order me a medium meat lovers pizza, no onions and hold the mushrooms. Could you order it here and then call me so I can come down and pick it up? I don't want anybody knowing I'm here."

He studied me carefully, watching my lips move as I spoke. I watched him watching me. He wasn't ugly. His dark skin was accented by his eyes and he kept himself pristine and groomed.

I suppose you would have to be if you worked for a man such as Aubrey. He smiled and nodded, still staring intently at me. I turned on my heels and walked back into the house and up into the master bedroom.

Before long, the pizza was here and I was cracking into the safe to find some weed that I could roll up.

Once I'd collected it from the front gate, I strolled back to the room, not wanting to really sit in there. It was his room so naturally everything reminded me of him.

The way he smelt. The way he dressed. Just everything.

Once I'd finally reached into the room and flopped myself down onto the bed, I devoured the pizza quickly, taking bite after bite and stuffing my mouth. Eating away at my grief, all while watching videos from the second day of OVO fest.

And there she was again.

In another crazy outfit that only she could look so amazing in.

And they did it again.

More thrusting.

More gyrating. 

I slammed down my laptop lid and relished in my own silence briefly before heading out onto the balcony to smoke.

I slid down to the ground and I watched as the pool lights faded from pink to mauve to dark navy blue, my favourite colour. The water poured in from the mini waterfalls above.

The sky was now dark and clear and the air was cool, unusual for a California night but comforting nonetheless.
I toyed with the smoke in my mouth, puffing O's and straight smoke, dissecting a little piece of the tension in my body each time.

I was consumed in my own mind, my own thoughts, my own betrayal.

Then the door slid open and sent my thoughts AWOL.

I tilted my head up and watched as Aubrey, dressed in black head to toe, stepped out next to me.

A thick OVO sweater with a black owl logo sitting on his left chest, black jeans that fit perfectly on him and his signature black timbs. His few gold chains caught the light from inside and reflected off the diamonds.

My rich daddy.

He stepped out onto the balcony with his eyes locked on me. He sat down on the ground just like I was.

We surrounded ourselves in each other's silence for a long while. We allowed it to engulf us like tsunami waves. He made no inclination to speak and neither did I.

After what seemed like forever, I finally split the silence in two.

"So what the hell are you doing?"

Before he could even breathe, I interjected.

"And don't give me that 'what are YOU talking about' shit Aubrey because you know good and well what the fuck I'm talking about."

My voice was pretty cool and calm, much like the night surrounding us. I'm pretty sure he was as shocked as I was at my calmness, and I didn't blame him in all honesty.

"In what world did you think your girlfriend seeing you dry fuck your ex on stage was going to be okay? I mean, sure you have to amp up the PR sometimes but you can't drop me an iMessage or snap chat letting me know she's even going to be at the show ? Or better yet TALK TO ME FACE TO FACE LIKE THE GIRLFRIEND IM SUPPOSED TO BE?"

I caught myself and brought it down to a whisper.

"Do you .. even care Aubrey?"

I watched him, his eyes growing increasingly dark yet full of regret tinged with cockiness. I let the cockiness slide. For now.

"I need you to remember I never voiced a problem with Robyn and you doing want you do on stage. You are the one who told me it'll stop soon. So, like any normal person would, I gathered it would stop soon."

After a long pause, his lips parted.

"What do you want me to say?"

I turned and look at it him, the weed smoke burning my eyes giving me an excuse to let tears slip down my burning cheeks.

" I don't want you to say anything Aubrey. But what I DO want for you to know is that , while you were dry fucking Robyn on stage, I was here at home, miscarrying our child."