Downside Up

Chapter Twenty-Five (Blood Eden - Peter Gabriel)

I caught sight of my reflection
I caught it in the window
I saw the darkness in my heart
I saw the signs of my undoing
They had been there from the start

The worries that crept around my mind every day. Every hour. The feelings that I'm not allowed to have. Everything's wrong. The things need to change. I need to change them. But still I remain in the comfort of the darkness. Still I hope someone will turn on the light for me. Take action for me.

And the darkness still has work to do
The knotted chord's untying
The heated and the holy
Oh they're sitting there on high
So secure with everything they're buying

I know the reasons. I'm aware of what's going on. The boy I love wondering off with someone else. A girl. Does this make things better or worse? Every minute I remain in the darkness things seem to get worse. I'm falling into pieces that are fading one by one. What will be left of me?

In the blood of Eden lie the woman and the man
With the man in the woman and the woman in the man
In the blood of Eden lie the woman and the man
We wanted the the union oh the union of the woman, the woman and the man.

It is always like this. The woman and the man. "It doesn't say Adam and Steve." Sometimes I wish it would.

My grip is surely slipping
I think I've lost my hold
Yes I think I've lost my hold
I cannot get insurance any more
They don't take credit, only gold
Is that a dagger or a crucifix I see
You hold so tightly in your hand
And all the while the distance grows between you and me
I do not understand

It's like we're meant to be and then we're not. First heading towards a shared future and minutes later everything is upside down. Messed up? Have I messed things up?

In the blood of Eden lie the woman and the man
With the man in the woman and the woman in the man
In the blood of Eden lie the woman and the man
We wanted the the union oh the union of the woman, the woman and the man

Is it a decision or is it fate? Destiny? A curse? Being separated from the one you love. From love. Can I ever experience love? Being with someone that loves me?

At my request you take me in
In that tenderness I am floating away
No certainty, nothing to rely on
Holding still for a moment
What a moment this is
Oh for a moment of forgetting
A moment of bliss
Oh

And then we drive for hours and hours alongside the coast and everything seems perfect. No moment compared to this one. The wind in your hair. The sun in your eyes. This must be what love feels like.

I can hear the distant thunder
Of a million unheard souls
Of a million unheard souls
Watch each one reach for creature comfort
For the filling of their holes

For a second I don't feel like a hole but like a whole. Together with him there's nothing left. I'm complete. I'm happy. Have achieved everything I ever wanted to.

In the blood of Eden lie the woman and the man
I feel the man in the woman and the woman in the man
In the blood of Eden lie the woman and the man
I feel the man in the woman and the woman in the man

And then the moment is over and it's the same again. The same again. People mistaking us for a couple but you don't realize we match. Don't realize we're meant to be. Instead it's the woman and the man.

In the blood of Eden we have done everything we can
In the blood of Eden, so we end as we began
With the man in the woman and the woman in the man
It was all for the union, oh the union of the woman, the woman and the man

Maybe you were meant to be with her instead of me. Maybe one day this all will make sense to me. Right now all I feel is pain. But I don't want to loose you so I try to remain calm and cheerful and just the way you know me. Just the way it's always been.

A/N: So happy Valentine's day! I know this chapter is different from the others (probably the only one I'll write this way) but I would love to hear your thoughts on it! As I'm on a break rn I'll try to update every day - it's just the editing that keeps me from uploading the next five chapters. Also maybe this is the right time to state that I'm not quite sure whether I'll be able to end this story properly. I had so much planned for this but then Tronnor died before I could get it all on paper and with it my creative energy went flying. But I'll try my best!