Just to Feel | Complete

Chapter 8

My heartbeat has eventually slowed down to a normal rate, but I've made a conscious decision to stop the meds causing my strange dreams.

Looking around I notice that it is early evening, and I've been asleep for much longer than I had planned. The house sounds quiet, and I'm surprised that Gillian hasn't checked up on me again.

The crazy dream has exhausted me, but I can't spend any more time sleeping or I won't be able to sleep tonight.

I slowly get up, careful not to get a head-rush in the process. I go to my bathroom, wet my cheeks and check out the bruise covering most of the one side of my face. It's still visible, but fading. Poor Smokey must have gotten such a fright. I haven't seen him in what feels like forever and decide to take a walk to see how he and Crystal are doing.

I put on my Skechers sneakers and pull a hoodie sweatshirt over my head, careful not to let it scrape against my stitches, which are free from plasters now and healing nicely.

I exit the house through the kitchen. Gillian is probably still out on an errand for my father, as the kitchen is empty and I can see that she hasn't started dinner yet.

It is such a stunning evening. There is hardly a breeze and the sun is busy setting behind the mountain. The sky is almost clear with the odd cloud here and there. As I walk down the pathway I smell the Jasmine creeper, which covers most of the sides of the neatly tended flower beds. I can still hear Robins happily chirping, understandably enjoying this beautiful evening as much as I am.

I spot Smokey and Crystal in their paddock a few metres away. They are busy grazing at their trough, and their tails are lazily swinging to an invisible beat. Their silhouettes are almost magical with the beautiful pink and orange sky behind them.

I shake out the red and black plaid blanket, which I grabbed from the kitchen cupboard on my way out, and sit down a few feet away from the paddock. The hushed nature sounds are so peaceful.

Watching Smokey and Crystal in their own little world brings on a feeling of jealousy and sadness. I wonder what it must feel like, knowing that you've found your mate for life? Knowing that as long as you are together, you need nothing else. Suddenly, I feel so alone and insignificant. Will I ever have what they have? Do I even want it?

Just then, I'm yanked out of my thoughts by the sound of a twig snapping nearby and a familiar voice.

"Hi Mia, it's really wonderful having you back home." I turn my head and see Christian standing a few feet away.

I had completely forgotten to even check to see if he was still in the barn or not. How can I be so stupid?! I really don't have the strength to face him now. To have 'the chat' about what happened when I was in hospital.

"Hi, Christian", I fake a smile, completely caught off guard. "Thanks."

I can sense that he is uncomfortable too.

"How are you feeling?", he asks trying hard to make small talk.

"Fine, I guess, just struggling with headaches." I definitely can't tell him all about my strange dream and crazy meds.

He sheepishly comes closer and sits down next to me on the blanket.

What is he doing? Has he lost his mind? Can't he see how very small this blanket is? There's barely space for my butt, now his is here too.

I immediately tense up, not expecting him to actually sit down.

"Oh... okay", I stammer out. My face must look quite a sight, a scary mix of surprise and confusion all at once.