Just to Feel | Complete

Chapter 20

My blood is still boiling by the time I arrive home. Dad is working late, Gillian has already left for the evening, and from William's cottage I hear the television blaring an episode of 'Jeopardy!'.

I feel bad about it, but I'm relieved that Christian has plans with his family for tonight, and won't be coming around to visit. I really won't be able to not become emotional and tell him all, after the day that I've had.

I have no appetite, so go straight to my bedroom. I've been nauseous since seeing Dylan's disgusting face. How dare he act as if nothing's happened?

I dump my bag on my desk, kick off my shoes and flop down on my inviting bed. Looking up at the ceiling I wonder how I'm going to face Dylan at work tomorrow... and the next day... and every day after that. How am I going to be in his presence every day without letting it slip that I hate him and about what happened? That I wish he would drop off the face of the earth! That he damaged me in unspeakable ways? Maybe I should quit, just leave Kepler Publishing House and abandon the internship? But then the bastard wins again!...

Closing my eyes I feel the familiar longing come over me... the longing which helps dull the pain.

In a dream-like state, I get up from my bed and head into my bathroom. It doesn't take long for me to find what I'm looking for. It's been a while since I've given into my urge like this. I feel a sudden awareness of butterflies in my stomach, excitement for what's to come.

I wipe off the blade with a sterile wipe from the first aid kit. The way it reflects the light from above the hand basin brings a smile to my face. I pull my shirt sleeve up whilst leaning against the wall. I slide to the floor. I close my eyes and welcome its electrified sting as it brings relief. And for the first time today I can breathe easy.

I'm very careful not to go too far this time. I just need some relief after this terrible day... a little escape. But I need to keep a clear head. Another thought hits me... I think back at the way Arielle gushed over Dylan when he arrived. Oh no Arielle! I need to figure out how to keep Arielle safe from Dylan's clutches. The last thing I need is for her to fall in love with him and ruin her life, like he did mine.

Just then a message from Christian comes through on my phone, but I'm too exhausted to look.

**********

Sleep doesn't come easy but I push through and actually wake up before my alarm goes off. I need to devise a plan to ensure that Arielle doesn't fall for Dylan, but how?

I arrive early at the office, keen to be the first one there to be able to work on my master plan. However, as I enter our office area, I notice that Arielle is at her desk... and she's not alone. Dylan has already swooped in for the kill. The audacity! It just proves that once a jerk, always a jerk.

I try to sneak into my chair as quietly as possible, the last thing I need is for him to notice me and come over to chat. But it doesn't work.

"Good morning, Mia!", Arielle sings from her desk as she notices me. "You're in early today. Sleep okay?"

"Hi, Arielle", I answer, trying to act as natural as possible in the state I'm in. "Slept like a baby. I thought I'd come to work early to catch up on some articles I'm keen on reading." Acting natural when in a tricky situation really isn't my forte, but I think I was convincing enough.

"Hello, Mia", Dylan chirps.

Arielle looks at me. "Hello", I reply, trying not to throw up. I turn away and hear her giggle.

Can't she see what a snake he is?! What story is he spinning in his web of lies? His back is to me, so I can't even attempt to read his lips. Oh, how I wish I had hearing superpowers, then I can beat him at his own plan.

My mind is running a mile a minute, trying to think of a way to keep Arielle away from him... but nothing I can think of seems like a good enough option. How do I warn her about him without spilling the beans about my own disgusting past with him? He wouldn't dare mention to her that we dated... would he? I can't put anything past him. Disgusting excuse for a human being. Oh, how I hate this creature. I refuse to think of him as a man. A real man would never do to anyone, what he did to me. Just being in his presence makes me want to go and take a shower using disinfectant. The same kind that they use in biohazard labs. Yes, my hate for him runs that deep!

My cellphone beeps and I see it's another message from Christian. O, crap, I forgot to answer him last night!

Just then, Dylan walks away from Arielle's desk, but not before saying something smooth and causing her to erupt in snickers.

I HATE HIM SO MUCH! A few deep breaths and I'm calm again... barely. His desk is the furthest away from Arielle and me. I can at least be grateful for that, I guess. He's way past the robots. That's the reference James use when referring to Mary and Harry. He is not convinced that they're actually human. At least that thought brings a little smile to my face.

"Penny for your thoughts?" I look up to find Arielle has wheeled over to my desk. We both love to spin in chairs with wheels. Just another strange thing we have in common. "That was a very wicked little smile on your face."

Arielle titters at first then blushes, asking if it's Christian that's caused my evil grin. "No need to blush, you silly girl! My evil grin has nothing to do with Christian. You are so funny. Men on the brain, by any chance?" I'm trying to act normal again, wishing to find out what she thinks of Dylan.

Arielle's face turns a crimson red and alarm bells go off in my head. Oh no, please don't let her be falling for him. I'm sending out silent prayers.

"Don't be silly, Mia", Arielle tries to recover, but does as bad a job of acting normal. "There's no guy that I'm interested in." Arielle can't look me in the eye and it's a dead giveaway. I'm going to have to go in for the kill.

"Really?", I try to prod as carefully as possible, "Dylan isn't the one making you blush like a schoolgirl? I heard you laughing at your desk earlier. He was all over you and you didn't seem to mind." I hope my face isn't giving away the fear I'm feeling in my heart. I'm trying really hard to plaster a calm enough smile on my face. I hope I'm not failing miserably.

"Well", Arielle begins, and my heart almost stops beating completely, "he has asked me out on a date. He wants to take me to dinner tonight." She's fidgeting nervously with her hands, but I barely notice as flashes of my past burn like fire in the pit of my stomach. It still feels like only yesterday that we had our date on the football field.

The last thing I remember is Arielle screaming "Mia, are you okay?!", before silence... and darkness.

**********************************************************

Mia really is finding it hard to hide her hatred towards Dylan. I wonder for how much longer she can keep her secret hidden?

Please comment and vote xoxo