Just to Feel | Complete

Chapter 25

The sun is busy setting as I pull into the driveway. Christian is walking back to the barn with Smokey and looks over to wave at me. My stomach flips as soon as our eyes meet. Oh dear, that man does things to me. I shouldn't already be feeling this way about him. Our relationship is new, I've only just let him in. I need to keep my walls down, no need to protect myself. He's different. He is the complete opposite of Dylan. I refuse to make him pay for something that Dylan's done to me. Why do I need to refuse myself happiness because of some idiot from my past? How dare I give Dylan such power over my life! Then it dawns on me, Dylan is the reason that I've struggled to let Christian in. I can never allow Christian to find out about my past with Dylan. He would never look at me the same way again. It will disgust him and he will turn his back on me.

I swing my backpack over my shoulder and close my car boot. "Let me help you", Christian calls as he jogs over to join me in the driveway. He relieves me of the weight of the backpack and effortlessly swings it over his shoulder, not even registering how heavy it is. "How was your day?" His smile is wide as he asks and I notice that he isn't only smiling with his mouth, his eyes are smiling too. He is incredibly handsome and I find myself wondering how bad it really would be if he happened to find out what Dylan did to me, and ultimately what I did afterwards? Every now and then I still wonder what would have happened if I had decided to keep the baby. How old would he or she be now?...

"My day was good, thank you." I turn back at Christian and smile after closing my car boot. "Smokey is looking so good. I see Prince is being a silly billy, horsing around in the background while his dad is all serious and working hard at training. Prince is such a crazy fool. I'm sure he keeps you on your toes during the day. Crystal seems real calm about his craziness. Do you think Smokey will be ready in time for the horse show? Did you have a good day?"

"I had a great day, thanks. Just missed you. Smokey is on top form at the moment. I'm convinced that he will be more than ready. He will definitely take the title this year. The face Christian pulls is so funny that I can't help but warm to him. He loves Smokey so much and takes such pride in his work training him.

Without thinking, I slip my hand into Christian's as we walk back to the house. I feel so comfortable with him and love being in his presence. "Would you like to meet for lunch tomorrow?", I ask Christian, startled at the fact that I'm now the one making plans to meet up with him. It's usually the other way around. "We can go to Starbucks, around the corner from my office?"

Christian stops and looks at me. I mean, really looks at me. I can see how much me asking him out to lunch means to him. A bit of surprise appears on his face. "I would love that", he says slowly nodding as a shy smile crosses his face, "What time should I pick you up?"

"Round about noon should be fine. I will call you during the morning to confirm. I'm never sure if an impromptu meeting might pop up." I feel so confident and open as I speak with Christian. I'm loving the new me, and so wish I can be her all the time.

**********

"Hi, Mia!", Arielle calls as she arrives at work. "Did you have a good evening? I planned on calling you to chat a bit... but I fell asleep." Arielle's morning energy infects me as I unpack and switch on my MacBook. She is such a goof. This office wouldn't be the same without her.

"Good morning, crazy", I greet as I scoot over to her desk on my chair. "All the hard work getting to you?", I tease as I give her a hug. "No stress, I also passed out rather early last night after watching some 'Idols'."

Just then Dawn enters our work area. "Good morning, interns", she greets. "You will be receiving your last assignment today. Please keep in mind that this, once again, will be a piece you need to work on as an individual. This is your last chance to introduce me to your 'voice' before we decide on which intern to hire on a permanent basis." Arielle and I both look at each other and make a sad face. We really enjoyed working on our first piece together, but I understand Dawn's reasoning and completely agree with her. "In your next piece, I want you to write a letter to someone with an addiction, motivating them to stop. Think about why they do it, and what their life would be like if they never chose that path for themselves. I really want you to dig deep and come at this from a different angle. Surprise me... and you might just be the final intern standing." Dawn smiled and left.

"Wow, this one's really going to be a difficult stretch", Arielle whispers in my ear as Dawn walks away, "I'm not sure how on earth I would convince someone to stop with their addiction. I often wonder if writing about sad issues like this taints a person? Do you think journalists that cover war crimes and work on the frontlines end up with depression?" Arielle looks genuinely sad about this and I try to lighten the mood.

"Goodness, you sure got dark quick!", I comment and Arielle blushes, realising that she's voicing her concerns out loud and not in her mind, as she thought. "I am sad that we're not able to work together again. I really enjoyed that. Our first assignment came out better than I thought it would. We make a great team. Please don't stress about our new topic we need to write about. You are an amazing writer and I know that you will be able to write a brilliant piece, all by yourself. You are brilliant, Arielle, you have such a gift for writing. You just need to believe in yourself more." I give Arielle a little squeeze before I head to my workstation, eager to start brainstorming.

My selected topic is almost completely outlined and I desperately need a cup of tea, but I can't find Arielle anywhere. Guess I'll be going to the kitchen by myself. I enter the kitchen to find it deserted, which pleases me. I want to get in, make tea and get out. I am deep in thought as I add milk to my tea, when I feel someone creep up behind me... and breathe in my neck.

"Hello beautiful", I hear him whisper in my ear, "I was hoping to get you alone." I spin around to find Dylan standing almost on top of me, with a horribly dangerous smirk plastered over his face.

"Back off, scumbag!", I repel from him, as my stomach turns, nausea threatens. "What do you think you're doing? Have you lost your mind? We have nothing to talk about and I definitely don't want to be in your company. You are such a creep! Please leave me alone!" I turn to walk out of the kitchen when Dylan catches me by the arm and spins me around, trapping me in an unwelcome embrace, as he whispers, "You know you still want me... you loved that day at our 'special' date. No one will ever match up to me. I'm the only one for you. I see how you still look at me. Do you still dream of me?" I need to escape from him. I jerk my knee up and connect him in the groin. I make my speedy escape as he doubles over in pain and leans against the kitchen counter. Creepy bastard!

I'm still rattled as I reach my workstation. I compose myself and send Christian a message on my cellphone. It's almost lunch time and he'll be here any minute. I wait almost an hour, but he doesn't respond. It doesn't make sense. Maybe he got caught up at work or can't hear his phone.

I start working on my writing piece, completely 'in the zone'. When I look at my watch it's almost home time... and still no word from Christian.

Arielle and I walk out to our cars after work. I'm still wondering why I haven't heard from Christian. That's so not like him at all. "Enjoy your evening", Arielle waves from her car, "see you tomorrow." I get into my car and drive home, deep in thought. Beautiful thoughts about Christian... followed by nightmare thoughts about Dylan.

Pulling into the driveway at home I see that Christian's car isn't there. That's very odd. He never leaves early. I'm usually home before he goes home. And it's our night to go for an evening walk. I guess we won't be having one tonight.

I enter the house and head upstairs to my bedroom. I reach into my backpack and feel around for my phone. I find Christian's number and hit dial. Voicemail greets me. I wait an hour and try again. Voicemail once more.