Just to Feel | Complete

Chapter 21

My head pounds as I open my eyes. Where am I? I'm on a couch in an office. I can see Arielle on her iPhone in the corner of the room. How did I get here?

Arielle ends the call and turns around to find that I'm awake. "Are you okay? You gave us such a fright!" Arielle's cheeks are tear-streaked and I'm struggling to understand what's going on.

"Where am I? More importantly, how did I get here?" I slowly sit up, trying to find my bearings, but struggle to find clarity.

Arielle moves closer to me. "James carried you here. Do you remember passing out? Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself?"

"The last thing I recall is speaking with you at my desk... but nothing after that." My head is pounding as I slowly rub the back of my head, trying to call to mind what happened.

"Do you want me to take you home? I could call someone to fetch you, if you prefer? Christian phoned just as James carried you to the office. Should I ask him to come fetch you?..." I can see that Arielle is trying her best to put me at ease and it makes me smile.

"I'll be okay. Probably just a dizzy spell, nothing to worry about." I consciously pull my blouse sleeves down over my wrists, praying that she didn't notice anything. My mind begins running through explanations, should she ask about the bandage around my wrist, or worse, the scaring.

"May I help you up and take you to your desk? I'm going to take you home." Arielle takes my arm and slowly helps me up from the couch. She's grabbed my bandaged wrist and I try my best not to wince.

We drive home in awkward silence. I'm still trying to think of a way to talk her out of her date with Dylan tonight, but my head is pounding and I can't come up with a single idea. I'm such a terrible person. I should be protecting my friend.

We've reached the estate far too soon, and I still don't have an excuse for her not to go. What makes matters worse is that she's so excited about her date. She really thinks he's a 'nice guy'. He's going to break her heart, and maybe worse... and it will all be my fault.

"Bye, Mia", Arielle says after she's walked me to the front door, refusing to let me walk on my own, "Please go straight to bed and rest. I'm sure you'll feel much better in the morning." Her face is radiant and I can just imagine the butterflies in her stomach as she thinks of her date. I was exactly the same, completely unaware of what was to come.

"Thank you, Arielle. You really are an amazing friend." I hug her tightly before she turns and briskly walks down the path back to her car. "Enjoy your date." I whisper after her, but she doesn't hear me. "Please be safe." She's probably already busy planning her outfit in her head and like I did, she's probably going to change it a million times.

**********

The next morning, on my way to the office, I return Christian's missed messages with a phone call. He sounded relieved to hear my voice. I used the excuse of being busy at work, and tired when I got home, but I really can't shut him out... I've promised to let him in, to lower my defenses. Having shared information about cutting myself seems to have brought us closer together, although I don't have the guts to tell him that I regressed and cut myself again... and I dare not tell him why.

My nerves are shot when I arrive at the office, and finally get to speak to Arielle about her date with Dylan. I watched my phone all night, expecting a panicked call from her... which never came. She's already at her desk and seems to be in a great mood.

She spots me and rushes to my side. "How are you feeling today?", she asks as she helps me to my desk, still concerned that I'm not well. Could it be the dread that she sees in my face?