A to Z

Chapter 17- Pakoras, Perspective and Potential

Chapter 17- Pakoras, Perspective and Potential





- Skipping school tomorrow. It's important. Z X

The reply was instant and unexpected. It was 2 in the morning but still, I didn't pause to wonder why Chanel was awake at such an hour. It would probably be something crazy, unexplainable and Chanel-like.

- Be at yours round 9. Ch xox

I put my phone down, next to me on the table and sighed loudly. What had I done? Everything was so wrong. So, so, so wrong.

My dad had already gone to bed an hour ago but I remained awake. I wouldn't lie down. For some reason, it felt like lying down would cement everything, make everything permanent. I couldn't bring myself to lie down and wait for tomorrow. Because nothing would be better in the morning. It would only be worse. I knew there wouldn't be any turning back from this night. So I didn't dare lie down. Instead, I paced, eventually ending up texting Chanel.

Chanel would know what to do. She had had far more boyfriends than me and just more boy experience in general. Chanel would know. She had to. Otherwise... No. I wouldn't think about it.

With my head a little less jumbled and a little more coherent, I could really think though once I did start thinking, I wish I hadn't. How naive had I been? How utterly thick was I?

Staring me in the face the whole time! Alex, Alex, Alex. I groaned loudly. Alex. My best friend. I snorted. How cliché.

Alex and Zoe. It had a nice ring to it.

I didn't like that.

What would happen to our friendship? What would happen at the wedding? What would happen tomorrow?

I had said yes. Why? I sighed again. I knew why. Simple really. Because it was Alex and I would always say yes to Alex. I didn't know what to make of that.

And then I thought of what I had been avoiding. I touched my lips softly, not being able to resist remembering the feel of another pair of a certain someone on top of them. No. I stopped myself thinking about it suddenly. I couldn't think about more kisses. Especially not want more.

Alex. A horrible, bitter thought overcame me. It had to be him, didn't it? He had to go and have feelings.

Then I felt horrible and mean. It wasn't his fault. Of course it wasn't. I sighed again. It was all so wrong.

And then there was him. Aiden. Grey eyed, sexy, smirking Aiden. I slapped my hand to my head realising Alex and Aiden would soon be step-brothers. And no. I couldn't think about Aiden like that. I couldn't like Aiden because I had to like Alex.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

I couldn't like Alex. He was my best friend. That would be...

I was going round in circles. I was giving myself a headache. Already, my head was pounding furiously and smarting painfully to every tender, minuscule move.

I walked over to my bed, dropped onto it and forced myself to sit down. I massaged my temples slowly, managing to calm my frantic thoughts.

Sighing one last time, I laid down on my bed.

***

Although I did get to sleep, I woke at 6, when it was still dark. I wasn't groggy but I was tired in more ways than one. I knew I wouldn't be able to get to sleep so I didn't bother. Instead, I hit the bathroom and showered.

I took my time showering and getting changed but when I was finally finished, it had only just gone past 7. I'd washed my hair multiple times, just to waste time but that didn't seem to work so I decided to go crazy with my hair and attempt to make it look pretty for once.

After blow drying, curling, and braiding my hair, I did my make up too. Nothing too fancy but a lot more than what I'd do any other day.

I walked downstairs slowly and lingered in the hallway before meeting my dad in the kitchen. He was busy marking a huge stack of essay papers but glanced up quickly and smiled at me.

"Morning Zoe. What's the occasion?"

I shrugged. "Just felt like it."

I went through the usual morning routine without thinking intensely about anything like I had done the night before. My brain had seemingly turned itself off. I was glad.

Eventually my dad left for work, muttering about deadlines and coffee machines. I helped him haul his books and papers into his car then hurried back indoors, phoned up the school reception and told her I happened to be very sick and unable to come to school.

I watched the news for the next half hour or so, not really listening, when I heard the doorbell ring 4 times. Chanel.

Opening the door, I saw Chanel in front of me with a glittery black beret perched delicately over her beautiful brown waves. She held 2 huge brown bags in each of her hands and a shy, lopsided smile. This was her way of apologising.

"Chicken and vegetable pakoras with a large strawberry milkshake?"

I shook my head while smiling, my non verbal response making her small smile stretch into a huge, all consuming grin. She dropped the bags and flew towards me and held me in a suffocating embrace for a little too long.

"Chanel," I wheezed. "You can let go."

"Mpphhff." But she released me nonetheless.

I invited her inside while I shrugged on my coat and scarf.

"Not hanging out here?" She asked, checking her hair in the hallway mirror.

I shook my head in reply. "I don't want to be here. I can't think straight."

Chanel only nodded in reply, understanding yet not prying because she knew I'd spill later anyway.

"Come on then." I said, heading out towards the door. Chanel followed suit after peering up at her nostrils grossly in the mirror. I rolled my eyes but smiled because Chanel, of all people, was the only person that was acting normally in my life.

I closed the door and followed Chanel to her car.

***

Chanel and I lay in a beautiful, rectangular grass field. Almost completely obscured by bushes and weeds, it was a rare, peaceful place especially as it was in the bustling city. The grass reached our elbows and it enclosed us as we lay in it like children.

It was a cold, early December day but the sky was clear and a light blue. With our hair, brown and blonde, overlapping, we chomped on spicy pakoras and slurped our milkshakes. An odd combination but it was a tradition we followed almost religiously.

"He broke my window, told me he liked me, then asked me out." I quickly stuffed a pakora in my mouth.

Chanel rolled her eyes and took a long slurp from her chocolate milkshake.

"About time."

I lurched upwards into a sitting position, almost choking and looked down at her incredulously.

"You knew?!"

Chanel sighed and took a big bite of vegetable pakora, chewing obnoxiously.

"Zoe, everyone knew." She said, putting far too much emphasis on everyone for my liking. "To be honest, I thought you knew for a while and were just playing dumb." She was concentrating as if in deep thought. "But then I knew nobody could be that thick." Again, she put far too much emphasis on the nobody. I wasn't liking this conversation much.

I sighed and lay back down again. I would've been angry but what difference would it have made? I didn't have enough energy to get riled up anyway.

Chanel swallowed loudly, probably dangerously too since she was lying flat on her back then propped herself up on one arm to look over me.

"Look Zoe. Alex has liked you for ages. Ages." She started seriously. My heart lurched uncomfortably. "He's finally told you but I don't see what's wrong. I mean, you're not angry about that party thing anymore so..." She trailed off but I knew how he sentence would end. What's the big deal?

I decided to avoid the topic of Aiden and focus on something else. I hadn't told her about a Aiden at all. The way I recounted the story of the past few days made it seem like Aiden was just a painfully shy boy who had hardly spoken two words to me.

"We're best friends. It's weird." I shifted uncomfortably.

Chanel sighed and put down the pakora she had just picked up.

"I don't know but... Don't you think that's better? This is Alex we're talking about. You know he'll always be there for you." Chanel added the last part softly, her big brown doe eyes sincere.

I tried again. "I don't like him like that though." I murmured, nibbling on a pakora.

Chanel snorted. "It's only a date." She hesitated but then began to talk again but her tone changed considerably. "Look, I'm only going to say this once and it's the truth, so please don't get angry with me. Alex likes you. Really likes you and you like him. I know that. Everyone knows that. You're best friends, for goodness sakes. Go out with him. Before the wedding, go out on a date and have fun. You could just end up liking him. Yes you're best friends and yes you're unsure about it now but... Give it a chance, you know? Don't think it's going to be all crash and burn because nothing's even happened yet. It's not all that complicated. Just... Go with it." She ended awkwardly.

I took a slurp of some of my strawberry milkshake and made a noncommittal noise while doing so.

"How you ever gonna know, if you never even try?" She sang it in the tune of The scripts Hall of Fame but yet again, it was just another simple sentence that made my heart lurch. Though I did notice, not uncomfortably this time. It would seem I was warming to the idea of an Alex and Zoe.

I was starting to feel a little better, even if the conversation wasn't going quite how I had expected it. Chanel was, for once, the voice of logic.

I smiled at Chanel, as if in agreement and she smiled back.

She was right. I would go on a date with a Mr Alex Cole and then-

Aiden, Aiden, Aiden!

I ignored the frantic thumping of his name in my brain.

I had to focus on trying with Alex and that meant Aiden had to be pushed aside. I didn't even know Aiden all that well. I'd known Alex my whole life. I didn't even know where I stood with Aiden. It could have just been a spur of the moment thing. Just a meaningless, wet, snog. It didn't mean anything.

It didn't mean anything.

I had to repeat it to myself, just to be sure.

I would do anything for Alex. Anything. And if he wanted a date, I would give him a date. Happily.

***

4 'o' clock and it was already growing dark. I waved to Chanel as she zoomed off down the road recklessly. I only smiled.

As I turned to fit my key into the lock, I heard someone shout my name out from behind me. I turned to look around.

"Hey!" It was Alex. Slightly pink and breathless, wearing no suitable winter clothing.

I noticed his car was still running further along the street.

"Hi." I smiled back. Alex went a little pinker.

"You didn't come to school today. Are you ok?" He knew I wasn't sick. With 'Are you ok?', he was referring to yesterday. Technically, today morning.

"I'm good just really tired from the past couple of days. Wasn't really up for lessons today." I smiled tentatively. It wasn't really a lie.

We were silent. Alex nodding with his hands in his pockets and me exercising far too much interest on a bit of thread on my gloves.

"Winter is definitely getting closer." I stated. Weather, really? Alex only hmm-ed in agreement.

The car was still humming quietly and I thought about how much petrol he must've been wasting. Finally, Alex said something.

"About yesterday night, are you-"

"Excited? Definitely." I breathed back. It felt strange talking about this to Alex but not particularly bad.

Alex' eyes lit up.

"But," I continued. "I thought maybe we could go out next week first or...?"

Alex looked flustered and slightly shocked.

"Er- I was going to suggest that." He said in a tone that suggested completely the opposite. The awkwardness was almost adorable and made me feel quite like a princess. I hadn't experienced this before. When Jason had asked me out, it was with his brooding, mysterious bad boy charm that had me stuttering.

I liked this. My heart would flutter girlishly. I saw that as potential.

The sun was setting now. Deep orange and shades of pinks and yellows. It was so incredibly, spontaneously romantic. Perfect, you could say.

"Saturday. I'll come pick you up at 7." He sounded a lot more confident now. His voice was cool and casual but his face told another story. With his pink cheeks, sparkling eyes and a cheeky grin, he looked positively ecstatic.

And so was I. Sort of.

Because even though it was perfect, it wasn't.

Because a little part of me was still insisting it was all wrong, wrong, wrong.

Because I couldn't stop thinking about Aiden Cross.



***

So, so, so rushed this chapter and you can so totally tell. I'm sorry but I didn't want to let you down. I will definitely change and edit this chapter but please, feel free to tell me how crap this is and how much you hate me. I deserve it

Vote if you still think it deserves me and maybe because you feel sorry for me. I will edit this, I swear. *hand on heart*

And I know you hate Zoe right now but come on, think about it from her perspective! Alex has been her best friend forever. She's putting him first!