A to Z

Chapter 20- Like, like-like like

Chapter 20- Like, like-like like.



"So where are we going?" I asked Alex.

"You'll see."

My stomach clenched at that. I hated surprises but I smiled anyway, desperate to start the date off well.

I swallowed. "Ok."

I sat upright and rigid, partly because of my uneasiness but also because if I slouched or relaxed into my seat, the clasp at the back of my orange bra would strain. I was starting to panic already however Alex seemed completely calm and he hummed to himself softly. I recognised the tune and as soon as I did, my heart almost leapt out of my chest. It was a McFly song.

Love is easy.

Alex stopped the car. I turned to look where we were and was surprised to see it was his house.

"Here?" I asked, confused.

Alex smiled. "Here."

I nodded and Alex left the car and came round to open the door for me. I appreciated the gesture but it left me feeling self-conscious.

"I had something different planned but they were too..." He trailed off and cleared his throat. "Since you're sick and all."

I nodded.

"I didn't know what to do 'cause I still wanted to take you out." He explained and I didn't miss his hand intertwining around mine gently. His hand was warm and slightly clammy.

"So I thought..." He led me to the front door and opened his front door. "You can't go wrong with a good old..."

I didn't understand what he was talking about but it all dawned on me as soon as Alex and I walked inside and into his living room.

Alex had set out a few of our favourite movies and had already prepared the popcorn, the fizzy drink and, of course, the haribos.

"Cliché." He stated simply. "And what's more cliché than a movie followed by an Italian dinner?" He smiled his beautifully radiant smile and I felt my heart lurch.

"So that's what we're doing?" I said, just to clarify.

"Yeah. But it's all meant to be ironic. I know how you love your irony and I didn't want the date to be overdone and unoriginal. But then I thought, there's nothing more original than being ironically unoriginal."

It was overwhelming. The thought he'd put into our date. The effort that had gone into it. It made me feel unworthy. Ungrateful, seeing as I was dreading this. He'd tried to make this perfect for me and what had I done? Sulk over Aiden.

Alex broke into my thoughts.

"Do you not like it?" His face was scrunched up in worry and I could almost feel his heartbeat quicken. "We can go somewhere else. You think it's stupid. I mean, if you-"

"It's perfect, Alex." And I managed a small, watery smile even though, for some reason, I wanted to bawl like a baby.

For some reason. I knew why. It was as clear as crystal and as bright as day.

I didn't deserve him. Not one bit.

"Perfect." I repeated.

***

The movie was nice. Nice. We hadn't watched Twilight first like we always did but I didn't want to suggest we watch it either. But I missed it. It felt wrong, not watching our movie. Because that was always how it was and now it wasn't and it made me feel guilty, as if I was betraying the movie. Stupid, I know but I also knew it went deeper than that. I'd just promised myself that I wouldn't think about that though.

So we watched a movie and it was nice. Nice.

Just like Alex had said, dinner came next. He made a delicious, creamy pasta with all sorts of spices and herbs. There were tall, lit candles and soft, dimmed lighting. He'd clearly made a lot of effort and I remembered him telling me he'd made the actual pasta himself. Of course, I was beyond impressed and flattered but anything and everything Alex did, would just be another stab of guilt.

Because it would just be further proof of how unworthy of him I was.

We talked but we laughed more than anything. Seeing as we practically knew everything about each other anyway, it was easy to talk but not so easy to find a topic to talk about. We resorted to easy laughs and although I knew the way our conversation was purposely set up to be as non-awkward as possible, I had fun.

But then I didn't know how to act. Was I to acknowledge all of the embarrassing things I already knew about him? Was I to act flirty or seductive? What exactly was the etiquette of dating a boy you knew inside out?

I had no idea.

I wasn't sure what would come after dinner. I guess I'd just assumed he would take me home but when I voiced my thoughts, Alex told me he wasn't done yet. He made me a warm mug of hot chocolate, took my hand and walked towards the door to his garden. I followed.

He opened the door with a flourish and what I saw took my breath away.

Alex had wrapped fairy lights all around the trees lining his garden but also the trees of his next door neighbours gardens. The bright, twinkling lights illuminated the area beautifully and it felt as if there were a hundred fluttering faeries. It was something out of a Disney fairy tale.

My heart hurt at the sight of it all.

"Come on." Alex smiled and took me outside, to a blanket I hadn't seen earlier. He pulled me down with him and motioned for me to lie on my back.

"Is this ok? Are you cold? Do you-"

"It's amazing. Really perfect." I blinked rapidly feeling my eyes water.

Alex eyes scrunched up in worry. "You look upset. Your crying." He looked pained. "It's...it's too much, isn't it?"

"I'm happy. Girls get teary when they're happy." I said, ignoring my own lie. "It's... I'm lucky. No one would ever go to this much effort for me."

Alex sighed in relief and he laid back. Now we were both staring at the stars up ahead, silent.

"You..." He hesitated. "You're not speaking much."

I wiped my eyes hoping he wouldn't know I was preventing any more traitor tears.

"I'm just sick. That's all."

Alex didn't reply but I felt his hand wrap around mine and I unwillingly tightened mine around his.

"D'you," Alex started quietly. "Do you feel weird about us being best friends and now...?" He trailed off.

I didn't answer straight away. I let his words fill the air and my head and only opened my mouth when I'd evaluated my response. "Yes and no. I know you better than anyone so it shouldn't really be weird. But then again, I've known you for so long it's pretty..." I searched for the word.

"Unexpected?"

I laughed lightly. "Yeah. Unexpected." I was considering the word 'freaky' but hey ho.

"Do you like me?"

My throat constricted.

"Of course I like you." And I smacked his arm lightly.

"No, Zoe. Like, like-like."

I hesitated then scolded myself for doing so. How could I reply without blatantly lying but also without hurting him?

"It's only the first date, Alex. You're being incredibly forward."

He laughed and I let out a breath of relief.

***
While we stargazed and chatted lazily, I decided. There was only one thing left for me to do to finalise my decision but I found myself unwilling to do so. I would do it tomorrow, I promised myself.

I reached down for a blanket Alex had rushed back in to get, to pull around me when I heard a deafening-

SNAP!

I closed my eyes, hoping against hope that what I thought I had just heard hadn't actually happened.

"What's wrong?" I heard Alex's worried tone.

"Nothing." I answered breezily and moved back to lie down again. Sure enough, I felt the give of the fabric behind me and I knew for sure that the orange bra's clasp had snapped.

Already, the fabric was coming loose and forming a strange looking bump on my top, making it obvious as to what had happened. If I didn't sort it out soon, Alex would notice and I would have to eventually stand up anyway.

"Alex, I'm just going to nip to the bathroom. I won't be long. "

"Sure, take your time." He replied with his usual, gentle smile.

I smiled too and quickly got up, hurrying back to the house, leaving Alex outside.

I rushed up the stairs and through Alex's bedroom into the bathroom connected to his room. I locked the door and managed to remove the bra without removing my top. Inspecting the back, I realised there was no chance of mending the clasp and there was no other hook either. It was a simple one hook clasp. Well, a simple one hook broken clasp.

I groaned in despair not knowing what to do. I would obviously have to ditch the stupid bra somewhere but where? I couldn't just put it in the bin.

Pacing the bathroom up and down, from door to door, I slowly started to feel my panic rise. I was going to die of humiliation if Alex ever saw. So I couldn't let him see. I would eat the damned orange thing, wires and all before he saw it. And to be honest, eating it was looking like the best option when I suddenly saw what had been sitting there the entire time.

A plain old white basket. More importantly, a plain old white laundry basket.

Without a glimmer of doubt, I rushed to the basket and sifted through the dark coloured clothes, burying the hideous orange underneath it all.

There, I thought proudly. I could just come back tomorrow, root through the basket again and bin it somewhere else.

I leaned on the door right next to the basket and almost fell as the door flew open. Since the door hadn't been closed properly, I'd pushed it open by accident. I reached in to close the door quickly when I realised.

This was Aiden's room.

I hesitated for a few seconds. Would it be ok for me to go in? Would he mind? I didn't bother thinking about it for longer than that because before I knew it, I was in Aiden's room.

It was pretty plain. Pale blue walls, a bed, a desk and a wardrobe. There were still a few boxes stacked against the wall and it seemed that the only thing that had been unpacked were his CDs. He had a lot of them. A full two racks which I found strange since not many people bought CDs these days. I liked it though.

His room was the same size and layout as Alex's, almost completely identical. Even the bed was in the same position. This unnerved me. It only reinforced the whole Alex-and-Aiden-under-the-same-roof situation.

Almost with a shameful sort of guilt, I realised I was lingering in Aiden's room for no reason at all. I was supposed to be arranging to see him tomorrow, to put an end to anything left from the previous week. And then it hit me.

Hurriedly, I grabbed a pen from the desk and a little yellow sticky note. I pondered on what I would say, biting my lip and twiddling the pen in between my fingertips. I wouldn't just leave with a one sentence apology, that I knew for sure. I would explain as much as I could because I wouldn't do that to Aiden. I couldn't.

While I was still thinking on how to start the letter, I heard Alex's voice from behind his bathroom door. I started to panic.

"Zoe, you ok in there?"

I dropped the pen and stumbled back into the bathroom to answer, knocking down the laundry basket in the process. I looked down at the mess of clothes and hurriedly tried to pile the clothes back in.

"Yeah, I'll just be a minute!" My voice came out strained and breathy making it obvious I was a little panicky.

"You're not climbing out the window, are you?" He laughed but uncertainly probably thinking that was exactly what I was doing.

"Of course not." And I laughed too, far too high pitched and shrill. "Just a minute!"

Tiptoeing back to Aiden's room, I quickly scrawled out a few quick words. Tomorrow? Who was I kidding. If I left it to tomorrow, I wouldn't do it. I would find an excuse and determinedly remain in denial. I had to do this. Even though I didn't want to, I had to.

So I did and I left, leaving behind the end of Aiden and Zoe on a mere sticky note.

I would never forgive myself for that but I would justify it. For the best.

It was for the best.

***

Without a doubt, the hardest chapter to write EVER. Don't think I've done it justice but I've written and re-written it so many times... I'm exhausted.

Still, hope you guys enjoy it and please, please don't forget to vote and comment! Still trying to climb up the What's Hot and that is no easy task, without you amazing peeps anyway. Thank you for reading and thank you for just being amazing. Don't forget that you are. :D