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Chapter 21- Tails, Tails, Always Fails

Chapter 21- Tails, Tails, Always Fails



Shopping with Chanel was always an experience. Whether a good one or a bad one, that depended on what we would be shopping for. That day, we were shopping for the dress I would wear at the wedding and we'd been at it for hours. That pretty much explained my mood.

Chanel had already bought hers. It was a beautiful backless, pale pink chiffon dress that made her look like an angel. It was so gorgeous, I envied her. She'd also had the tips of her hair ombre-d and I had to say, it made her look very pretty.

"You know, you should've bought your dress earlier." Chanel scolded me.

I sighed, dragging my feet towards another rack. "I know, I know."

Sensing my hostility, Chanel added, "But I'm sure we'll find something amazing."

I didn't answer, just violently pushed a few hangers. The woman standing near the changing rooms eyed me suspiciously. I ignored her.

We were in a quaint little boutique called Spectrum. It was further out, away from the cheaper places but still, quite the distance away from the high end boutiques. This was mirrored in the prices, not as cheap as the places we'd visited earlier but not as expensive as the ones Chanel's mother usually shopped at.

I was just about to forcefully push away another piece of clothing on the rack when I saw it.

The prettiest dress I'd ever seen in my entire life.

I looked over to where Chanel was browsing through a rack too (although a lot less vigorously) and looked back to the dress. Carefully, I pulled it out from amongst the other dresses and took it in, top to bottom.

God, was it impressive.

It was light grey lace and a sheer, see through material with a few glittering silver jewels placed here and there, more see through towards the back and slowly becoming more lace the more south it got. Simple yet so intricate. Soft to the touch, the sleeves would just cover my shoulders and-placing it against me- just finish to above my knee. I noticed it was a lot more out there than what I usually wore. It was more sexy than pretty. The grey lace made it look elegant and modest but the sheerness of the material it was sewn with did the complete obvious. I blushed.

I couldn't wear this.

Sure it was absolutely breathtaking and still appropriate for the occasion but it was just far too provocative. For me anyway. Chanel could have easily pulled it off but I didn't have the confidence to wear something like that. So I hastily tried to shove it back onto the rack.

Chanel turned around. "I can't find an-" Her eyes narrowed as she just caught me stuffing the dress back.

"What are you doing?" She said, moving towards me, still glaring at me questionably. She grabbed at the only hook facing the wrong way and pulled out the dress. She gasped as soon as she saw it.

"Oh my god, it's..."

"I know." I sighed too, enthralled by the dress.

"You have to get this." Chanel sighed again, stroking the dress lovingly.

I shook my head before I answered and took the hanger from Chanel's hands. "No."

Chanel looked horrified, as if I'd just suggested we burn kittens alive.

"What?! Why?!" She asked, face still set in that scandalised expression. She clutched at her chest too for effect.

I moved closer to the rack to put it back where I found it. "It's too revealing for starters. And it's not really my style anyway." I shrugged even though a little part of me died at the thought of leaving the dress at the boutique.

Chanel looked pained and grabbed the dress off me again. "It's not too revealing." She started, mimicking my tone. "Yes, it shows a little more skin but it's so..." she sighed. I know how she felt. There weren't any suitable adjectives. "I can see you want it. Just...just try it on." She looked up at me hopefully.

I sighed knowing full well that it wouldn't really suit me. I was far too meek to even look the slightest bit sexy. I'd look better in more of a sweetheart-prom sort of dress.

Taking the dress from Chanel's hand, I walked over to the woman at the changing rooms, the one that had been eyeing me suspiciously when I was manhandling the clothes.

She let us through and I stepped into the last cubicle out of the three there were, drawing the curtain to a close.

I sighed as I looked in the mirror. I was sure I was just setting myself up for failure and once I'd tried it on, my self esteem would plummet. Nevertheless, I shrugged my coat off and removed my clothes until I was only in my underwear.

"Have you finished?" Chanel's irritable tone made me scowl.

"I've been in here two minutes!"

I only heard her sigh dramatically. I rolled my eyes and pulled a face.

Once again, I held the dress against me and sighed subconsciously before pulling it on. I noticed there was a concealed zipper at the back that I couldn't zip up.

"Chanel. Zip me up."

She came through into the changing room and pulled the zipper up gently with me holding my hair out of the way.

"Zoe..." She had a gentle smile on her face as she looked at the Zoe in the mirror. "You look amazing."

This would be the part where I'd deny her statement and put up a big fuss over the dress. Where I'd say, 'Really?', then need another 10 minutes of constant persuasion. But instead-

"I know!" And I squealed and hopped around with Chanel fangirling for a while.

***

In Hot Stuff, slurping our drinks, Chanel had inadvertently dampened my good mood.

"Wait till Alex sees you in that. He won't be able to keep his eyes off of you. I'll be surprised if he can still speak after seeing you." She smiled mischievously. "He is going to be soo horny." She giggled while my stomach churned. I managed a weak smile, looking down at my hot chocolate. I'd lost my appetite.

Chanel gasped loudly as if just remembering something important.

"Have you seen his step-brother though? Oh wait, you and him got lost together, remember?"

I snorted (mentally). As if I could forget.

"He's hot. Reckon I get him, we could all go on a double date?" She said brightly. I nodded vaguely.

Chanel smirked. "Guess I'll have to use the old 'charme de Chanel'." She flicked her hair back with another smug smirk.

"I have to tell you something."

I didn't wait for her answer or look up at her, just in case I wimped out. I looked down fixedly at my mug of hot chocolate and told Chanel (and my mug) everything, everything about Aiden. How he was an annoying douchebag, how we got lost, how we got back... How we kissed.

And then I had to carry on and tell her what she already knew. How that same night, Alex had asked me out and how that same night I'd said yes.

It felt terrible, admitting all of my thoughts aloud but at the same time, it'd never felt so good. Finally, I could relieve the pressure of my constant guilt and my worrying. It was all so daunting and intense, it felt like a tidal wave, crashing over me. It was always on my mind, even when I was sleeping. I couldn't handle the pressure but now, telling someone who could potentially help me carry the load, kept the words spilling out my mouth and more importantly, kept me from closing up.

It would be ok because Chanel would know what to do. Even now, she would be able to salvage the whole situation and fix everything.

When I finished, there was a deathly silence. I was still looking down at my mug.

I didn't know what to expect from Chanel but I definitely didn't expect the silence. All around us, there was still noise. People drinking and chewing and talking and laughing. Only we were quiet. I wanted her to say something. Something reassuring or sarcastic or funny. Anything. Only we were quiet.

Until finally, she spoke.

"How could you do this to him?" She said softly, almost to herself.

I looked up from under my eyelashes to see Chanel with a disgusted look on her face. Her eyes reduced to slits and mouth pulled down almost as if she was smelling something bad. Her obvious fury only made me feel worse and I reminded myself that I deserved it.

My bottom lip trembled.

"How could you do this to him?!" She hissed.

"You stupid, stupid little-" she shook her head, almost in disbelief. "Do you know how much he cares about you? How long he's liked you?! How could-!" She stopped.

I still hadn't found the courage to lift my head or look her in the eyes properly. My throat was feeling thick and I was starting to find it hard to swallow.

"Do you even like Alex like that? Is this why you didn't want to go out with him?" She asked, her voice low, almost threatening.

I didn't answer. She didn't need an answer.

She laughed coldly. "So you've been stringing him along, letting him think he has a chance? And what about that 'Aiden', huh? Him too?"

She let out a puff of air in disgust. "Why did you even say yes in the first place?!"

My voice came out quiet and weak. Any louder and my voice would've broken.

"I didn't want to hurt his feelings."

Even I could see the stupidity in my sentence. Chanel didn't hesitate to point it out either.

"You didn't want to hurt his feelings." She repeated, scoffing without humour. "Nice one, Zoe."

Her last comment sparked my anger and I snapped my head to look up at her, equally as enraged.

"I didn't want any of this! I didn't know about Alex! Everyone knew except me. Even my Dad knew! How do you think I feel?! You and Dan and everyone laughing about stupid Zoe, stupid Zoe who can't see what's right under her nose!" I held back a sob and tried to halt my angry tears. "I bet you had a right laugh at my expense. Well, I'm sorry, ok? I'm sorry for being so thick!"

Chanel looked at me accusingly. "Just because you didn't know, doesn't mean you didn't have a choice when saying yes to Alex. You could've said no, but instead, you led him on, letting him think that you want him too! What were you even thinking?!"

"Well, I wasn't thinking was I! Because I'm just stupid, idiotic little Zoe!"

Chanel laughed heartlessly. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself. It's not going to get you anywhere." She said venomously.

I only just managed to blink back my tears.

Chanel sighed and we were quiet for a minute, allowing Chanel to start her next angle of attack and allowing me to get a grip of my flyaway emotions.

"What have you done about him then? Aiden." Her tone was softer, yet still cold. I wasn't forgiven. "Have you explained everything to him?"

I hesitated since I knew my answer would probably only anger her. "I haven't... I haven't found the right time. We aren't really talking."

Chanel rolled her eyes. "Right. So I'm guessing he knows about you and Alex, you haven't said a word since kissing him and he doesn't know what the heck is going on?"

I nodded.

"Well done, Zoe. Well done." The sarcasm in her tone only just powered over the anger.

I pinched the skin between my thumb and my index finger hard and swallowed, trying to ease my throbbing throat.

I didn't think Chanel would be so harsh. I expected her to be kind and caring, maybe offer a shoulder to cry on and say something Chanel-like to make me laugh. Instead, I got vicious Chanel ripping my head off and shouting at me. I guess I could've shouted back and challenged her, like I would have done normally, but she was only telling the truth. Everything she'd said, it was true. I'd thought and said the same things to myself.

So I sat there obedient and weepy and took Chanel's fury as punishment, like I deserved.

"I so want to slap you right now." She muttered under her breath.

I pretended to cough, hiding my overwhelming urge to cry like a baby.

There was a tap on my shoulder and I turned to see a small red-headed boy, around 5 or 6.

"Are you ok?" His voice was high and childish, almost girl-like.

I cleared my throat and smiled a strained smile. "Course I'm ok. I'm really ok."

The boy looked unconvinced. "I don't think you're really ok. I don't think you're even a little bit ok."

That's when I started to cry. Maybe it was because it had all piled up and I couldn't keep it in any longer or maybe because it finally felt like someone cared, even if it was a little red-headed boy. I just cried.

I didn't hear Chanel sigh loudly or move towards me but I did feel her arms wrap around me. I was grateful.

"Shhh, shhh. Is it that time of the month?" She cooed softly, not in the least embarrassed that we were in a café and completely in public. I nodded feebly and Chanel hugged me tighter. I had no idea where the little boy went and as I finally stopped sobbing, he'd gone.

"You're right, Chanel. I'm so stupid." I hiccuped. She still had her arms around me. I didn't really want her to let me go.

"Of course I'm right. You are really stupid but that's ok. You're probably the cleverest stupid person there is."

I half sobbed and half laughed. "If only you'd said that earlier."

Chanel sighed. "I'm sorry. It's just, I feel so involved, you know? I've shipped you and Alex since I was 12 years old."

I pulled away from her.

"You shipped,"- I hiccuped- "Alex and me?" I said incredulously.

She didn't look sheepish or even slightly embarrassed. "Well, yeah." She said as if it was only natural.

More than freaked out, I changed the topic. "You're really mean sometimes."

Chanel shrugged. "You're a real baby sometimes." But she winked. "And anyway, it was for your own good. I won't mollycoddle you like Alex does."

"Thanks." I answered wryly.

"But seriously, Zoe, this won't just go away." Chanel said, tone serious and expression solemn.

I didn't speak, just sniffed pathetically.

"Alex or Aiden?"

"What?"

"Alex or Aiden?"

"No, Chanel. Don't make me do this." I said, rubbing my eyes tiredly.

"You can't let this go on." She said.

I didn't answer. She sighed.

"Look. I'll flip a coin. Heads, Alex and tails, Aiden." She watched me carefully as I nodded and she flipped the 50p coin, caught it and placed it over the back of her left hand, covering it. Just like that.

"Remember, if it's heads, that's Alex and if it's tails-" she said slowly, dragging out the sentence.

"I know, I know." I snapped, anxious to see the coin.

My eyes were trained on Chanel's hand and her eyes were trained on me. Chanel removed her right hand and exposed the coin so quickly, I didn't expect it.

It was Heads.

"So Aiden it is." She put the 50p back in her pocket.

"But it was Heads?"

Chanel rolled her eyes. "As if we would let a decision like this rely on chance. Come on Zoe." She raised an eyebrow. "You were disappointed. Your face fell as soon as you saw it was Heads. You were hoping it would be Tails." She said it so simply, as if there was no meaning behind the words. She could've told me the time in the same tone.

"Heads or tails, Aiden or Alex. It was just to see who you really wanted."

It took me a while to find my voice. "You're wrong."

Chanel smiled sadly. "If only."

***

Thanks for reading! I know we haven't seen Aiden in a while but hang in there, he'll crop up sooner or later. ;)

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