Insanity At Its Best

19 - uneasy

I stare down at the plate of food in front of me.

White rice lathered in red kidney beans with a side of steak.

Usually my mouth would be watering at the sight of my dinner but today was different.

Mainly because I was trying to deal with the fact that I'll be going to prison for being an accessory to a murder.

Even more so trying to deal with the fact that my not-so-boyfriend boyfriend will be getting the death sentence for third-degree murder.

"Harley?" I hear my mom say and I look up.

"You haven't touched your food" I look down to see that it's untouched.

"Yeah I'm not really hungry" I shrug and sit back in my chair.

"Are you okay? What's wrong? You haven't been the same since this morning. Your starting to worry me" she admits and I shake my head.

"Did something happen between you and Pam? Did you guys fight?" I shake my head and bite my lip.

"It's just that case about the college guy. It's really sad and just makes me think about the type of people in our neighbourhood" she slices her knife through the meat before taking a bite.

"It's terrible hearing about him. Poor kid didn't even have a family" she shook her and I nodded along.

"What do you think about the whole..situation?" I ask her as nonchalant as possible.

"I don't know what to think. The only thing that comes to mind is money. Although, I don't think they took anything from him when he was shot" she furrows her eyebrows and shrugs.

"I just hope they catch the killer. I don't think i would feel very safe if the case was just left unresolved" I scoff and thankfully she doesn't catch it.

I really hope they don't catch the killer

✯

"Harley! What the hell, where did you and Jack run off to yesterday?!" Pam screams into the phone as soon as she picks up.

I distance the device from my ear seeing as how I can still hear her with a good foot in between me and my phone.

"I'm sorry. Jack wanted to leave to do the nasty back at his place and he said he would let Harvey know. We were busy all morning so I didn't have time to call you. And when I got home I noticed that it died" i rush out deciding to leave out the part where Jack killed someone.

"That asshole either forgot to tell me or didn't even remember about it. I'm just glad you and Jack are okay. Did you see the news?" She asks and I was hoping that she didn't bring up the topic.

"Yeah it's pretty crazy. You think they might question everyone that was there that night?" I ask her.

"Doubt it. The only people they could question would be the employees and the people in V.I.P." I nod in agreement.

"It just gives me chills you know? We were dancing while that guy was being murdered in the bathroom. Anyone of us could've been the one to find him or even worse, we could've been in his place. It's weird to think about" she says and I let out a small chuckle.

Yeah, or you could've witnessed it happen before your eyes. You know, like I did.

"What're you laughing at?" She asks.

"Huh? Oh nothing I was just scrolling through Instagram. Saw a funny post" I lied.

She doesn't pick up on it and we continue to talk over half an hour over practically nothing.

She gushed over her amazing night with Harvey and I listen like the good friend I am. In the end she pressured me to spill about the night I had with Jack. I couldn't tell her that after he killed the guy he brought me to his extremely fancy apartment and proceeded to teach me a lesson on how to use a knife. Demonstrating it on my own body that ended in us having sex. Because then she would think I was insane for even letting him near me with a weapon.

If only she knew.

Although I did tell her about the fun morning in the rain to which she replied with a heavy sigh. Wishing her and Harvey were that playful with each other.

I assured her that they could be if she would just let a little loose every once in a while.

"Harvey is a fun guy, it wouldn't be too hard to convince him to fuck you outside as the heavy rain hits your bodies" I tell her and she scoffs.

"You make it sound so sensual. The idea of standing naked in the pouring rain makes me squirm. Feeling cold breezes as you have sex isn't the most appealing thing you know?" I shake my head.

"You've got it all wrong. Not every rain shower is cold. Sometimes it's humid. Adding to the heat transporting between you two. The hotter things are the less you'll notice the environment around you" I shrug and she sighs.

"Ugh, I just...I don't know how to bring it up. Do I just go up to him one day and say 'hey I think we should have sex outside. In the rain!" I laugh at her.

"No dumbass. When it's raining you kind of have to foreplay it. You know, get him in the mood and slowly move the location into the balcony or something" I tell her before my mind wanders. It's like you see in those cartoons when the character gets an awesome idea and a bright lightbulb appears over there heads.

"Oo I have an idea! If you want to start out slow have sex in the shower. Kind of the same thing only you get to control the temperature of the water" I suggest and she hums.

"Not a bad idea Harls" I smile.

"Thank you, thank you. I'm the best aren't I?" I giggle and she joins in.

"Of course. Well, it's nearly midnight and I have yet to eat anything. So we'll talk tomorrow?"

"Sure. Goodnight Red" she replies with a goodnight and I hang up my phone.

I toss it on my bed before walking to my dresser. I pull out a pair of pyjama shorts and a tank top.

I take the clothing with me to the bathroom.

I do my business quickly before changing my clothes. I place the sweatpants and t-shirt in the counter as I look at my reflection.

An image of Jack standing behind me with his arms around my waist appears. I raise my hands to run them across his forearms before I realize he isn't really there.

This whole thing is taking a toll on my sanity. I need to sleep it off. Soon.

I shake my head and shut the lights off as I walk back to my room.

I shut the door behind me and lean my head against the wood.

The idea of loosing Jack affects me more then it should. We've only known each other for a month but even so.

This feeling of love, lust, infatuation, whatever the fuck you want to call it. It's just too powerful.

I can slowly feel it consuming me the more time I spend around him. He's consuming me.

And I don't know if I'm okay with that.