Insanity At Its Best

66 - early mornings

Needed Me by Rihanna

I rest my elbows on my knees as they're bent up on the bed. The soft white sheets fall between my legs and I lie my forehead on my crossed arms. My tousled blonde hair rests over me and I sigh.

The sun from outside bleeds into the room. It's clouded by plenty of clouds in the sky. The city is alive as always.

I look back at Jack to find him sleeping soundly. His bare chest is coated with love bites. All of which were produced by me last night. Most of them still remain cherry red while a few are beginning to tinge purple.

One of his arms is over his head while the other is on his stomach.

I've been up for the past hour thinking.

I'm playing a very dangerous game with this man.

If I hadn't seen the lights outside of Harvey's mansion last night we would've been in police custody for assaulting the Jaguar.

Christ what if they showed up knowing that me and Jack were there. What if they know we were the ones who killed that rich kid.

"What the hell am I doing?" i ask myself out loud and tangle my fingers in my hair.

Finally i have a moment to myself to think and it's like I haven't done that in quite some time.

What I feel for Jack is consuming. It's time consuming and emotion consuming. I can't rationalize with him but I also can't breathe without him.

My eyes water and i bite my nails.

I don't know anything about Jack come to think of it. Who was he before he came to Gotham high? Where are his parents? Why does he live with Harvey? What made him so screwed up? Who is he?!

Not to mention he killed someone. He fucking murdered someone in cold blood. Just because he was jealous. He's fucking crazy. And I can't forget about the infamous night of halloween. A night i can't even fucking remember.

My breath comes out in puffs and I feel like i'm about to delve into a panic attack. I rub my hands over my arms as the tears begin to pour down. I shut my eyes as they continue like waterfalls. My breathing gets been shallower and I cover my mouth with my hands as the sobs threaten to come out.

"I can't be here I need to get out" i whisper to myself. I take a deep breath in and pass the back of my hand across my nose to wipe off the snot. I look back at Jacks sleeping form to see he's rolled over. His arms stretch out in front of him. Searching for something. Searching for me.

I pull away from the sheets and rest my bare feet against the rug beneath me. My eyes dance around the room trying to find my clothes. I'm dressed in just my underwear and t-shirt. His shirt. I throw it over my head and quickly grab my cheer uniform.

Just as my hand closes around the door knob I'm spun around and pressed against the wooden door. I gasp as my eyes connect with his.

"Where are you going?" he asks me, now wide awake. I rest my head against the hard surface and close my eyes.

"Let me go" i whisper and feel his lips against my cheek. "No"

"Please" i plead and he shakes his head. I feel his hot breath against my ear.

"Jack...please" I say once again and his hand hits the door, close to my head.

"No Harley" he says sternly. I can't help but gasp for air.

"Let me go" I beg and open my eyes. My vision is clouded by my own tears.

"There's no fucking way you're leaving me" he growls and I sob.

"I just want to go" I whimper and slide down the door until i hit the ground. I curl in on myself. My hands hold my hair as I continue to cry.

He falls to his knees and his hands wrap around my wrists.

"You can't leave, I won't let you leave me" they tighten their grip and my chest heaves with short puffs of air.

"Let me go" I yell and he shakes his head. He moves in closer so my feet rest at the side of his legs.

"Please" i whisper. His mouth nears mine and without wanting i lean into his kiss.

"You can leave me" he whispers and i close my hands around his face. His scent is the only thing I can smell.

His hands roam my body and I can't help but lean into his touch. Wanting more. Needing more.

"More" i whisper and he nods. We both stand up but i'm sat on top of his dresser. I arch my back into his touch and his mouth latches onto my neck. I suck in a breath as he attacks the fresh marks left by him from last night.

"J" I moan and tug on his hair. His hands grip my sides tightly as he grounds himself onto me.

"Love you" he mumbles and I nod.

"Me too" we fall back into our kiss and I can't breathe. My tears have dried onto my cheeks.

He hoists me back up onto his waist and I tighten my hold onto him.

We fall onto the bed, his back against the messed up sheets and i'm on top of him. I close my fist around the covers beneath his head and rub against his lower body.

I breath heavily against his mouth and his large hand grabs my hair while the other digs his fingernails into the skin of my thigh.

"You're mine, forever" I nod.

My panties are moved to the side and he enters me in one go.

"Shit" I sit up and scratch at the hickies. I take off my shirt and his hand immediately comes up to my breast.

"Come on sweets. Ride daddy" my fingers push back my hair and I lift up from his hips only to come down. My mouth opens in pleasure and I toss my head back with my eyes close as it begins to consume me. All rationality has gone out the window and all I can focus on is him. Jack.

His fingers enter my mouth as I ride him and I open my eyes to look down at him.

"I own you" he moans and I suck on his finger.

"All yours J" he sits up and his tongue meets mine in a sloppy kiss.

"You got that shit right" his fingers grip my hair as he bites my lip.

"Come for me" i feel myself tip over the edge.

"Joker"

✯

The natural light from outside is slowly fading away as the afternoon meets the evening.

His kisses are light as feathers as they're peppered across my shoulder blades. My head is lying sideways and I watch him.

His fingertips draw shapes onto the skin of my lower back while our legs are tangled together. The entire room stinks of sex and sweat.

His fingers place my hair behind my ear and our lips meet in a sweet kiss.

"I love you" he says and it makes my heart flutter. It's wrong, so wrong for me to still be able to feel this way about him. After everything he's done. After everything we've been through.

"I'm in love with you" I say back to him and he gives me a smile. A smile that is so beautiful yet so haunting all in one. I stick my arm out and brush my finger against his cheek.

"This is where you belong. With me. In this bed" I nod. He turns and kisses my palm. I pull gently on the nape of his neck and he takes it as a sign into lean into me.

I lie on my back as his mouth descends onto mine. This kiss is different. It's soft and gentle. Nothing like the past four hours have been.

There is no way I'll ever escape him. I had the chance to start anew over break. And sadly i fell back into this vicious cycle. His vicious cycle. There is no point in fighting it. It's too late.

I'm in too deep.