Insanity At Its Best

49 - unexpected

I wipe the back of my palm across my nose and sniffle as I feel it begin to run. This, this is why I hate crying.

I hate to have to deal with the runny nose and the swelled up red eyes. It's too much.

But, on the other hand I like the feeling it brings. It's like a release from having all this pent up emotion in you. Having my heart feel like it's constricting in my chest along with my throat. Not being able to choke out the words to speak. It's worth it.

A loud horn brings me out of my head and I look up to see a truck drive by. A large puddle resides next to the sidewalk and yes you guessed it, it splashed all over me.

I feel like I'm in those movies where that girl is just walking in the rain feeling sorry for herself and when she thought things couldn't get any worse they just do.

Now my clothes are drenched more then they were before and I can already feel a cold coming on. I try my best to take a deep breath in but stop mid-way as I burst into another crying fit.

I don't even know why I'm crying anymore.

It's been an hour since I left Bruce's house and I have no idea as to where i am heading. I should just go home.

You cheated. My subconscious graciously reminds me and I shake my head.

How is it cheating if we're not even dating?

But that reminds me. We're not dating. Me and Jack aren't dating! He hasn't asked me out–for fuckes sakes we haven't even gone out on a proper date.

But he needs you. He loves you. You know this.

I comb my fingers through my wet blonde hair. I can't think properly.

A shiver runs down my spine and I can feel goosebumps arise on my skin.

I need to get out of the rain.

Finally for the longest time I look up to see I've coincidentally ended up somewhere oddly familiar.

I look both ways to find that I'm in between Pam's apartment all the way down to the right and Jack's condo all the way to the far left.

Now I could either make the conscious decision and walk to my best friends house and look for comfort.

Or, I can confront what I fear the most and finally get some truth out of the situation.

If you don't know which one I would take then clearly you haven't been paying any attention at all.

I make it upstairs and down the hall to knock on the door.

He answers immediately and I push past him. I walk into his apartment without a single word.

"Hello to you too" he says sarcastically and locks the door behind me.

I walk towards the glass wall and place my palm flat against the surface. I clutch my hand into a fist and breathe in.

"Harley" Jack calls out. I turn around on my heels to look at him.

"Have you been crying?" He takes a step towards me.

I swallow thickly and nod. More then anything I want to feel his arms around me but I remind myself of the reason that I am here. To get some answers.

"I don't know if I can do this." I admit to him and by the confusion in his face I can tell that he has no clue of what I'm talking about.

"Do what?" He asks with concern but I shake my head. "I need you to be completely honest with me because I can't keep going in circles with you. It's just not something I can handle-"